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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she doesn't like me?

53 replies

Mamami · 14/07/2015 09:59

So, the 6 of us in my NCT group usually meet up about once a week or so. We're not super close but get along fine.

One of the women - let's call her S - happens to live on the next road over from my dad (about 15 minutes bus from me).

When the I met up with S and a couple of the other girls yesterday she was very upset about returning to work next week and the end of Mat leave. I wanted to get her some flowers or something and was going to see my dad today anyway so asked what she was up to this afternoon. She said nothing and I said I'd pop in for 15 minutes for a cuppa. She then sent me a message saying: 'hi, hope you're well. I know I said I wasn't doing anything but I selfishly want to spend as much time with my baby alone as possible before returning to work. Hope you understand'. OK, fine. I sent back a nice reply.

This morning she is planning an all day swimming and lunch trip tomorrow with the other girls.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamami · 14/07/2015 10:02

Sorry. Phone glitch.
When the = yesterday.

Anyway, I'm guessing she's just never liked me and is just making that clear. Or am I being paranoid? She knows I can see the swimming chat in our group messages.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 14/07/2015 10:02

She may or may not like you, but I don't think you can base that decision on one incident where she turned down a coffee as she was happy chilling at home with the baby.

TheAnswerIsYes · 14/07/2015 10:04

YABU. I think she just wants to spend time on her own with baby while she can. She won't be able to do it tomorrow as she's out with people. Don't take it personally.

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2015 10:04

It's possible she wants to spend as much time with her baby today, because she's going out tomorrow.

If you want to give her flowers and you're going to your Dad's anyway, you could just knock and give them to her. Tell her you don't want to come in, but just wanted to wish her well.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 14/07/2015 10:05

Maybe the house is a mess and having you over means she has to make her home guest-ready, when she'd rather just be chilling with the baby today.

I wouldn't take it personally. Are you invited tomorrow?

LazyLouLou · 14/07/2015 10:07

Did you text back "It is not selfish to want to spend every moment you can with your baby. Have a good day with her/him"

You could pop the flowers on her doorstep...

TheMoa · 14/07/2015 10:08

Maybe she's like me, and needs more than a few hors notice to make the house visitor-worthy Blush Grin.

Or perhaps she just finds one to one socialising with people she doesn't know terribly well, uncomfortable.

vvega · 14/07/2015 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

threenotfour · 14/07/2015 10:09

If you are invited to the swimming then I probably wouldn't be offended. She probably just has her last few days planned out and today was allocated to just her and the baby and tomorrow was allocated to going out.

NickiFury · 14/07/2015 10:12

For me this would purely be about not wanting the hassle of making my home look nice for a visitor. Nothing personal whatsoever.

Timetodrive · 14/07/2015 10:12

I never did NCT but some toddler groups, I enjoyed meets ups, day trips but was not keen on house visits. I never wanted that type of friendship, it had nothing to do with how I felt about people. Some of the friendship did develop into drop in for coffee friendships but after time.

50shadesofmeh · 14/07/2015 10:14

i feel a bit drained if i see people on consecutive days so often cancel things if I'm feeling a bit tired etc, or maybe she couldn't be bothered tidying up for house guests.

Eminybob · 14/07/2015 10:16

I'm just nearing the end of my mat leave and there are days where I just want to chill with DS in my pjs. and go back to bed while he's napping

If someone wanted to come round at short notice I would probably put them off too, as it would mean he getting dressed, tidying up etc. so YABU.

With regards to the swimming thing, have you not been invited or are you not able to go? If she is organising this and has deliberately excluded you, that is a different matter but nothing to do with the not having you round thing.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 14/07/2015 10:17

For me this would purely be about not wanting the hassle of making my home look nice for a visitor. Nothing personal whatsoever

This, absolutely this.

You did a nice thing, OP. But I totally get her wanting the quiet day with her baby that she'd planned.

it's not you, honest.

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2015 10:18

I just wish people would realise saying one thing, then doing the opposite on socal media does make people think

She's done no such thing.

She said she doesn't want the OP round this afternoon because she wants to spend as much time with her baby alone before returning to work.

This was obviously because she knows she won't be able to tomorrow.

SonceyD0g · 14/07/2015 10:20

Maybe she hasn't done the housework so doesn't want people round?

AuntyMag10 · 14/07/2015 10:25

I too think it's more to do with her tidying up and feeling like she needs to entertain rather than not seeing you. 15 min is never really 15 mins anyway, so maybe she just wasn't feeling up to it.

RunningJumpingClimbingTrees · 14/07/2015 10:33

If someone messaged me just now to come round this afternoon, no matter how well meaning and kind, I would put them off. The house is a tip and we are all still in jammies (have a 9 month old). However, tomorrow I am going to soft play and having a busy day and would be happy for people to join me then...

stripytees · 14/07/2015 10:49

YABU I think.
I don't really like having people around unless I know well in advance - sometimes because it's not tidy enough, and sometimes because I just fancy a day doing as little as possible and seeing no one!

It's perfectly fine for people to say "no, that's not good for me today". Nothing to do with not liking you.

mmollytoots · 14/07/2015 10:54

I used the same excuse with my mil Grin

Meemoll · 14/07/2015 11:17

Just wondering OP, is there other history that perhaps is making you feel like she doesn't like you? Your gesture is wonderful, and I wish I had a thoughtful friend like you, and I also wish I had a friend who could pop in and I wouldn't stress about the state of my house, so I do understand if that is why she is putting you off, but do you feel like you are being left out or that she is treating others differently?

Yokohamajojo · 14/07/2015 11:20

It may just be that her house is a mess and she doesn't feel like having someone over? I wouldn't take it personally

QuintShhhhhh · 14/07/2015 11:23

Yabu, because you invited yourself to her home on short notice.

In your shoes I would have popped around with the flowers, saying "I am not stopping, been visiting my dad who lives around the corner" and declined an invite in, unless prompted.

You were a bit tactless.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 14/07/2015 12:04

Having one person over to your house is totally different from a group outing.

You invited yourself over to her house. Maybe she doesn't like you, maybe she can't be bothered to tidy up, maybe a lot of things. To be blunt though if you're the type to make such a fuss about it and turn it into one of these "why is she mean to me but going out with others" posts, its possible she finds you a bit intense.

squishyeyeballs · 14/07/2015 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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