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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DD the big bedroom and take the boxroom?

70 replies

FanfeckintasticFitbit · 13/07/2015 00:19

We live in a small 2 bed duplex and at the moment me and DP have the small/medium size bedroom and DD has the tiny boxroom. She's starting school in September and I'm sure with that will come having friends over eventually etc and I feel really bad we have such a small home and she has no real place of her own, the sitting room and kitchen are joined so they wouldn't really get any privacy.
It makes sense to me to give her our bedroom and get a midi sleeper so she would have plenty of floor space and a big built in wardrobe could be used for toys, books etc too. Though it would mean we would have a room that would only just fit our bed and I'd probably have to use a mix between her current small wardrobe and the hot press for my clothes and DP could have his own chest of drawers in the landing. I do love my bedroom and have lots in the way of cosmetics, perfumes etc but I could put shelves up in the box room for them?

Is it a crazy idea or a good idea I really can't decide but I think it would be hugely beneficial for DD but it doesn't seem that way now because she has no interest in playing in her room she always wants to be around us and imagine switching and she's still not bothered about her new room?

OP posts:
WanderWomble · 13/07/2015 00:26

I'd give it six months and see how she feels. If she feels the same way then, re-assess in another few months but if she's not happy you could swap. It's only a room at the end of the day, no reason why you can't juggle them as needed.

Fatmomma99 · 13/07/2015 00:29

A child just starting school doesn't want or need privacy (see your last paragraph!). Address this again when she's 12.

Minshu · 13/07/2015 00:30

I wouldn't swap! There's two of you every night In your room and she'll have friends over from time to time. And by the time she wants privacy to hang out with her friends her toys will probably be expensive, electronic and compact!

grumpysquash · 13/07/2015 00:32

Do you mean starting school age 4, or starting secondary age 11? If she's only 4, she won't be having friends round where they need a bedroom for years. But TBH, even if she's 11, it would be more reasonable to do creative storage for her things and make a beautiful box room haven, than to have to do the same for yourself and DH. You would have no privacy (or space), which would be worse.
Can you fit a double bed in the box room? If you can, it's not that small and I'm sure DD would be fine with a single or midsleeper in there. If you can't, what solution did you have in mind for you and DH?

AgathaChristie01 · 13/07/2015 00:38

No, keep the main bedroom for yourselves. Do whatever you can to make room for her stuff in the box rom. I'm assuming you mean that she is a small child, age 4/5. No worries yet, in that case re friends staying/ privacy etc.

Lurkedforever1 · 13/07/2015 00:42

I see your point I'd sacrifice the bigger room to my dd if she needed it. But as an only child her and friends have the option of taking over the house, so even though her rooms a decent size they tend to spend more time downstairs, and she does when alone too. Also her belongings are throughout the house, not just her room. Think it's more of an issue when there are siblings with equal rights to communal space

steff13 · 13/07/2015 00:48

I'm not really sure how large a box room is, but we have a 3-bedroom house, and when we found I was pregnant with our daughter, we decided to give our two boys the master bedroom and we took the middle-sized room. We don't do much in our bedroom that doesn't involve the bed, so as long as that and the dresser fit in there, we figured we were good. The boys, on the other hand, keep all their stuff in their room plus they hang out in there, whereas we have the whole house to put the rest of our stuff.

Of course, it also depends on your daughter's age. If she's little yet, I think she would be fine with the small room for now.

ImNotTheLadies · 13/07/2015 00:56

YANBU to swap but it seems a little bit silly! She really doesn't need any more space than she has now she's at school.

Iflyaway · 13/07/2015 01:03

No, No, No!!

Why the hell would you do that?

You would be sending her the message "It's all about YOU!". And that will not be in her best interest through life.

Kids have grown up in all sorts of cramped spaces, never made them less capable.

If my DP wanted to do that for his daughter, I'd be looking for a new bigger living space Grin

DandelionDaydream · 13/07/2015 01:28

No I definitely wouldn't give up a double for the box room.

My own dd was in the box room until she was about 5 or 6, there is only enough room for a single and a wardrobe or a chest of drawers. It was never an issue having her friends in to play. She moved to the next size room when eldest ds moved out.
This has been a huge problem as she cant keep the bigger room tidy (more floor space to mess!!). She wanted to move into the double as soon as ds2 moved out but it's not happening until she can keep her room clean.
When she has friends round they tend to alternate between her room, the living room, kitchen and the back garden. Privacy is not an issue yet and she is 12!!

And if you can get a double plus a chest of drawers in there, then its not really that small.

musicalendorphins2 · 13/07/2015 01:34

No. There is no need at all to do this. The marital bedroom is important.

CassieBearRawr · 13/07/2015 01:36

Nope. Kids are fine in small rooms.

Teabagbeforemilk · 13/07/2015 06:22

No I wouldn't and I grew up in the box room. It's not a big deal.

As pp said she will have friends occasionally, there will be 2 of you most nights.

1hamwich4 · 13/07/2015 06:26

Personally I wouldnt.

You could get her a mid or high sleeper bed- then she can use the space underneath to play (plus it is extra exciting as a little den, and everyone always wants to top bunk!)

Lweji · 13/07/2015 06:28

Maybe, possibly, when she is a teenager and actually might need her own space and privacy.

My 10 year old rarely spends any time in his room. Maybe doing homework, but then he keeps coming to ask questions about it.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 13/07/2015 06:32

My DDonly started shutting herself away in her room with friends at 9 - and tbh that was only bbecause she has 2 little brothers (we frequently have a conversation in which I remind her she cannot tell her brothers to leave the living room and if she wants privacy she can go up to her room). When she doesn'thave friends here she still seems to have no interest in privacy (even from her brothers) and is only alone in her room to do homework and sleep.

A 4/5 year old probably won'tmake full use of the space and 2 adults will make better use of it at this point. You can always review the situation in 4 or 5 years if you're still in the same home.

pinkstrawberries · 13/07/2015 06:37

Mine isn't a box room, but the children have the biggest toom. I see it as adults don't need a big room, and children have more stuff.

spottybottycream · 13/07/2015 06:39

I think your over thinking this to be honest. You have to keep the pecking order right. Your the adults. Why should you struggle when there's two of you? She will be fine. Lots of children/teenagers/young adults are fine in smaller spaces than your Dd. as long as you can fit a single bed and a wardrobe/dresser in there, I don't know what else she needs.

JadeJaderson · 13/07/2015 06:42

I would.

We have two bedrooms, one very large double with a huge built in wardrobe and one small double.

Dh and I swapped rooms with the dc when ds2 was ready for his own room, so age 1 and 3.

The small double is enough for us. Other than sleeping (or...) and getting dressed, DH and I don't spend time in our room.

The dc however like to play up there now and they have the space to run around and store all their stuff. A huge room for me and dh would just sit empty most of the time which I can't see the point of.

youarekiddingme · 13/07/2015 06:44

Is there an ikea near you? They do great showrooms for box rooms. Is still get a high sleep for tour DD and be creative with the rest of the space.

Children don't always want to shit themselves away fpwhen they visit and by the time they get to that age they really just want to hang out and chat or play on iPads - and you don't need a huge amount of space for that!

Plus by the time your DD hits the age she'll need more space you may not be living there? No one knows what the future holds.

AuntyMag10 · 13/07/2015 06:47

Nope don't be silly she will cope just fine in the box room. Do you really expect two fully grown adults to manage in a tiny room?

Singleandproud · 13/07/2015 06:58

My parents gave me the biggest bedroom when I went to high school because I had more stuff and all they needed was the bed and a wardrobe. It didn't interfere with the pecking order at all.

fourtothedozen · 13/07/2015 07:03

Our DD (15) has the biggest bedroom.

Iwantacampervan · 13/07/2015 07:12

I am in the box room (but it's only me) - both teenage daughters have a double room each meaning there's room for desks etc and for their friends to sleep in their rooms rather than in the lounge. I have a 3/4 size bed as a double would be too tight - I wouldn't have done this if I wasn't on my own. I would look into a high bed so there's floor room underneath.

Sigma33 · 13/07/2015 07:20

It's what I have done. DD (7) plays in her room, I insist on her toys being in her room and not in the rest of the flat. The living room is where I spend my time. It hasn't undermined my authority.

Either way is reasonable, do whatever works for you.

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