To ask if you've ever experienced a house get out of control

[atthelake]

That gives a weird image of a tantrumming house but the truth isn't so funny.

House is disgusting. Repulsive, awful, dirty. I just can't seem to manage it. I used to be able to. Now I'm struggling so much.

I'm talking washing up on the dirty sofa and piles of dirty clothes and crisps trodden in carpet upstairs and bathroom full of clothes and cat wee (thanks cat) and empty bottles and half full bottles of drinks and tin openers in lounge and cobwebs and muck and dirt.

Am i trying to have my child taken off me or something? :)

I semi confided in a friend yesterday who said she had found it hard until she went on ADs.

Is this the answer? When I've taken them in the past I just felt flat but maybe I didn't try the right ones or for long enough.

It's getting me down, it's getting everybody down but it's as if I cant. Sometimes I make some vague attempt to clear some rubble but it barely makes a dent.

At 38 weeks pregnant with a 1yo, I too would have been flat on my back with exhaustion and totally unable to clean. I do not blame you one tiny little bit for feeling like this. I bet you're only getting broken sleep between the 1 yo and having to pee all the time. Are you well in yourself (tiredness aside)? You don't have SPD or anything?

Love, I really think you need to get some friendly help. Why not get someone to babysit your DD this weekend, get your DH to do a good blitz while you do the easier stuff. Then once that's done, it should be in a state where you can get either a cleaner or a friend to come and help you with the rest. Good luck!

Your DH, if he is away five days out of seven, still has two at home.

Can't he see you are struggling? What are his thoughts on it? I know my DH wouldn't have watched me be unable to get up and interact with the DC (never mind cleaning the house) and just ignore it and go back to work.

I realise you may feel if he is away in the week, housework etc is your responsiblity (I don't tend to agree but anyway) but it sounds like it's been building up for ages, hasn't he noticed? At almost term, you should be resting and not worrying as much as possible. Is he just watching you struggle? Not just with the cleaning but in general?

You do need to get this sorted as HV/midwife will pick up on it, every single one I have had has visit the kitchen/bathroom to clean their hands etc. your DH is the one person you should be able to rely on right now, to help you.

To the poster who said shiny sink on flylady seemed bonkers - it's because it's about doing one small thing which you can immediately see the results of. I don't do flylady any more and it's not for everyone, but the shiny sink thing is more psychological, which is what the issue is when it gets to this kind of state. Unfuck Your Habitat has a similar thing which is "just make your bed".

When you feel crap and low and unmotivated, it's a struggle to do anything at all. A shower is mount everest, the washing up feels like an unholy burden, just simple things that normally you wouldn't think twice about feel completely insurmountable. The shiny sink or the freshly made bed isn't going to make a difference to the house as a whole, but it makes a difference to you, when you feel like you can't do anything.

OP, when I had SS involvement, it was mostly health visitors flapping around and contradicting themselves, in fact when the social worker came to my CAF meeting (they did not ever actually come to my house) they brought a checklist of things that they usually look for when they enter somebody's house, to place things on a "scale" so to speak, so it wouldn't matter if one or two of them were present but generally it was a checklist of what to avoid. He (was a young chap) felt that this might be helpful to me because I was trying really hard but just kept concentrating on the wrong bits, and I couldn't fix everything at once, I just couldn't.

I don't have the checklist any more :( But from what I remember, these were the important bits:

• Washing up left, worse if left until the last possible minute
• Food out (other than obvious e.g. eating, preparing, defrosting, etc)
• "Bits" and/or items on the floor (worse if in more than one room)
• A noticeable smell on entering the property
• Faeces and/or urine (animal or human)
• Rubbish not thrown away
• People themselves having poor hygeine - matted hair, evidence of not washing for weeks. (A few days is fine).
• Serious disrepair to the property itself.

Hope that is of some help to you - I certainly found it helpful to understand where I was meant to be focusing my efforts rather than being overwhelmed by everything all at once.

He does loads but it just keeps slipping and its me.

He just says not to worry about it.

Are you going to make a doctor's appointment tomorrow?

What's your plan for the week?

Tomorrow I'll blitz the house as much as I can.

The lounge isn't too bad - it isn't great. The kitchen is bad. Bathroom and bedrooms are dire

I'm another that would be happy to come and help you if you are near by. I know you say you would be too ashamed, but it's not like we know you, could even use MN name if wanted to keep it a bit more anonymous, then you'd have it clean and tidy for the baby and be so much easier to then set your routines from a fresh start.

Honestly I couldn't but its incredibly nice of you to offer :)

Crikey, no wonder you feel exhausted! The heat and that stage of pregnancy can be so incredibly tiring. I'm only just getting to grips with domesticity in my 40s!!! I so know that feeling when it's just such a bloody tip you can't face it.

I second the advice of others, just get one or two spaces under control, the sitting room and the bathroom for example. Throw stuff out liberally. I've been gradually doing this for a while now and finally most of my house isn't too horrendous anymore.

Sorry, I do know people have said that before but it's just that overwhelming thing that prevents you from doing things. If you break it down it's mentally bearable.

Ok then op. As you say the state of your house would warrant intervention by social services and you don't have the energy to sit up and your oh is away 5 days out of seven:

what does your 1 year old eat?

where and when does he/she sleep?

how often do you do a nappy change?

how often do you go out?

why is the cat pissing in the house?

She eats porridge, fruit, toast, scrambled egg, milk, veg (carrot, swede, sweet potato - she LOVES that - courgette, tomato, cabbage) and animal crackers and fish.
Her diet is good although we have a lot of finger foods rather than 'actual' meals during the week but I often think toddlers prefer this.

She has a couple of sleeps in the day in the cot and she sleeps at night as well.

I change her nappy

It's JUST the house; I don't feel I'm falling apart in other areas. I often think how disgusted people would be if they knew the truth.

The cat has always done it if you leave soft clothing out, gross I know.

could you try and do one room a day? Even saying that is making me sad, you're obviously struggling and someone should be helping you with this burden.

Its all well and good your DH saying "not to worry" but your baby is going to arrive, there will be people coming to the house and regardless of all this, it's not good for his child to be living like this and his heavily pregnant wife doing all the hard work. Has he noticed how lethargic you are?.

I do think when the HV/midwives etc asked to wash their hands they were checking out the state of the place too. I don't mean to be horrible, but even if you tidy one room for them it will still smell, and it will probably be obvious to them you are struggling. Which may actually get you the help you need, and no one else is giving to you.

No ones said anything yet; I'm aware they could though.

I will start on it properly tomorrow. I'm just very tired tonight.

You know what would be an alternative to worrying about losing the kids? Finding a lovely new home for your cat. One less living thing to look after and clean up after, particularly as it's got into the habit of treating your whole house like a toilet.

Not RTFT (it's massive now) are funds too tight to get a cleaning service in to do a blitz?

You can't have the cat weeing in the house. You have by the sounds of it, a crawling baby. I also worry You have got used to the smell, but to an outside it will honk (as Kim and Aggie would say)

Have you taken it to the vet? If there is nothing to be done I would rehome it or if it's old/poorly, put it to sleep. And I am a huge cat lover. I have a cat. I wouldn't risk SS intervention for my cat though.

atthelake - I ask because those are the real serious priorities. I have a good friend whose job involves making decisions about children going in to care. A dirty house is not high on the list IF the child is not at risk of violence or neglect in terms of food and very very basic care from their care-givers. If you are struggling with everything else due to mh problems then you can ask for help from your gp or social services without the fear that anyone will be taken into care.

So why not do it?! Speak to GP tomorrow. Good luck!

I hope you get some good sleep and rest tonight OP.

Tomorrow I think you should tell your DH how much you are struggling.

I will.

Cat will go in the litter tray if its kept topped up and clean but guess who hasn't been on top of that

Agree with pp maybe look at finding the Cat a new home you will have enough on your plate with two little ones.

I just felt I had to reply as I also have CHAOS (cant have anyone over syndrome) most of the time.
3 kids, stroppy 8 year old, crumb dropping 3 year old and a sweet 11 month old who loves to be carried about.

Today is my birthday but between the cleaner cancelling on me yesterday and at least a weeks worth of mess building up, I didn't get to go out at all, and I was stuck at home cleaning. :-( lesson learned.

My number one tip is to take a big washing basket and collect everything that doesn't belong in living room e.g and dump it in the respective rooms the stuff belongs in.

Then listen to the free audiobook of Marie Kondo while browsing lovely interiors on pinterest. Her idea of each person in household having just one space for clothes books etc does seem to work.

I loudly announced some new rules today at home, no eating anywhere except the dining previously trash collecting table. This goes for kids and hubby and myself. ( I have to restrict myself as well as kids from screen-time because it makes them naughtier I'm convinced.) I also try to avoid being online (phone/pc) unless they nap or are in bed.

What has helped me most is a baby carrier (soft structured carrier) that allows me to carry baby bear on my back and have hands free - not ideal for bending over or scrubbing tub but helps me get stuff done.

Also lists and even how-to youtube videos like melissa maker's how to clean your house/ clean wood floors, etc. (I live by the top to bottom, left to right rule- clear counters and surfaces sofas etc, then sweep everything away, with an old fashioned broom, which saves you having to pick up stuff that will clog hoover.)

Possibly cloth nappies to land in a bucket of water (flushable liners help) if you're anything like me with used disposable nappies on floor of every room.

Finally just look forward to the feel of fresh sheets after an evening shower, or a sparkling kitchen when you come down to breakfast. (The clean-up kitchen while kettle boils for a cuppa rule works nicely here.)

Good Luck.
(p.s - I dont know about AD's but I do believe the body produces the most powerful AD effect when well nourished and happy about things like a clutter free environment) So... green smoothies or just your 5-a-day, decluttering with a vengeance.

Ok, I'm trying to think of a few small changes which might help.

Is dh home tonight? If so, can he deal with the baby in the night and let you get a full night - as much as full term fanny daggers will allow anyway?

Tomorrow - throw away everything you need to from the downstairs. Even if it's plates etc. Pile all washing in front of machine.

If you have the funds, organise a cleaning service - if you specify, they will help you tidy. As pp have said, blame it on tenants!

Can you set up more than one litter tray? I know it's difficult to keep on top of scooping the poo, but having say 3 trays will at least stop the cat soiling in soft areas. Failing that, could he go outside?

I would also suggest taking help that's offered. MN is anonymous, you will get the help you need and never have to speak to them again if you want ;) it's a lot to do alone and you aren't the first and won't be the last person this has happened to.

Don't be ashamed. Just let yourself accept help. Where are you based?

I'm shit at cleaning but great at tidying, and I have a 2 year old and a 9 month old, so if you are near me I'll entertain the baby so other mners can clean and you can rest!

Happy birthday wannabe

re the cats wee. Unless you get rid of the smell the cat will continue to piddle in the same spots. now you may think you have got rid of the smell but remember that cats smell is pretty acute. The thing to do is wash with BIOLOGICAL washing up liquid and then when its dry dab with methylated spirit. This will break. the cycle.

You shouldn't be handling the cat litter tray if you are pregnant. cat shit is your dh'sjob now. this is important.

i hope you get some help xxx i know how hard it is.

OP - how about getting rid of your Internet for a bit?

seems that this enables you to not do anything