To ask if you've ever experienced a house get out of control

[atthelake]

That gives a weird image of a tantrumming house but the truth isn't so funny.

House is disgusting. Repulsive, awful, dirty. I just can't seem to manage it. I used to be able to. Now I'm struggling so much.

I'm talking washing up on the dirty sofa and piles of dirty clothes and crisps trodden in carpet upstairs and bathroom full of clothes and cat wee (thanks cat) and empty bottles and half full bottles of drinks and tin openers in lounge and cobwebs and muck and dirt.

Am i trying to have my child taken off me or something? :)

I semi confided in a friend yesterday who said she had found it hard until she went on ADs.

Is this the answer? When I've taken them in the past I just felt flat but maybe I didn't try the right ones or for long enough.

It's getting me down, it's getting everybody down but it's as if I cant. Sometimes I make some vague attempt to clear some rubble but it barely makes a dent.

You sound so low. I would come over and help if I lived near you.

First of all, it's no wonder you're exhausted. You're pregnant and have a one-year-old. That is more than enough to exhaust even the most energetic person. But I imagine the environment is also getting you down.

I think there has been a lot of good advice here. One thing that always helps me is to write a list. When I can cross something off the list it motivates me to do the next thing. I know someone who always starts her lists with "1. Write list." Then as soon as the list is complete she can cross off item #1.

How many rooms does your house have? Can you dedicate one day to each room for the next few days? And don't even think about all that remains to be done, just concentrate on one room at a time.

Oh OP I know exactly how you feel, I love a tidy house, you wouldn't have thought so over the past two years though based on what state we've been in.
For me, it all went to pot when we lost our baby in a MMC Oct '12, I just didn't care from that day on and standards just slipped, a lot!
I got very depressed and the house just made my mood worse but I just didn't have the motivation or the get up and go to do anything about it.
My DH, bless him, worked all day long then came home to a shit hole and worked a few more hours cleaning and trying to get on top of things. I am a bloody SAHM too and still couldn't manage even the basics. There would be the odd day where I'd get a boost of energy and blitz the kitchen but that'd be where it stopped and it would last a few days and be back to the usual mess.
We got pregnant with dd (have a DS , 5 too) and my goal was to have a beautiful home for her arrival, yeah that did not happen.
So a long story short since about March this year, one weekend I decided to put a shelving unit together that I'd bought ages ago for the kitchen. I built it up and organised kitchen clutter and noticed that the wall behind it was filthy, embarrassingly filthy.
(Our house is a 'do me up' so has taken time to decorate, new bathroom etc so have lots of boxed furniture/paint/wallpaper still to be done)
Something just came over me, I cleared the entire room, dug out the paint I'd chosen for the kitchen and decorated the whole room, bottomed it and it looked gorgeous and I haven't looked back, I do a bit everyday and slowly the house is getting there now. I always make sure the kitchen is pristine now as it makes my face light up just to see that one completed room.
A massive thing for me is to clean up after each meal even if you just rinse dishes and leave them at the side of sink then at least food isn't getting all crusted up on them. It just makes it easier to wash up in the morning or when you do get round to it.
I have a lot of crap but slowly it's getting less, yesterday we took 4 huge bags of unused toys/rubbish to the charity shop, it's such a relief once it's gone.
It's ok for people to give suggestions and I really appreciated it but I just didn't have the motivation and it was awful, it was just that day and that shelving unit that spurred me on but it took over two years of living like crap before that happened.
The suggestions I can make are to bin bag all the obvious rubbish and get it out the house, I know it seems a major task but you don't want your one year old surrounded by mess. Another is put all the dirty clothes in one room and organise into loads, I do it in the kitchen, dark piles, whites, colours and so on and one in/one out, put on the line/dryer once finished and next load in then once it's dry put it away, I still struggle with clothes but I'm getting there.
I really hope you can get out of your rut, if you need to see the GP then do so there is no shame in asking for help.
I really wish I could come and help you as I truly honestly know how you are feeling right now. I wouldn't have let anyone except my mum/sister and BIL in my house before and today we had friends and their new baby over!
It will get better op you just need that boost/change in outlook and it will happen.

Put simply - you too much stuff. Get rid of most of it. You just haven't been taught how to do this stuff. Have 4 plates, 4 bowls, 4 mugs, 2 pots and a frying pan. Throw the rest away (give to charity shop) or if not yours box it and put in attic once clean. You will be amazed how little washing up there is to do. think school uniform in terms of clothes - 2 jeans, 4 tops, underwear, 1 dress, trainers, ballet flats ifykwim?? Apply this to the kids as well. Chuck all newspapers, magazines, books to charity shop, have 4 bath towels, facecloths, 2 hand towels, 2 sets of bed linen. Chuck all plastic bags, unused foodstuffs. I am not joking! If you are not getting out of bed and this is one of the reasons - drastic action is called for. With a vastly reduced amount of clutter, your house will be amazingly easier to clean. Even if dirty will look ok. Bizarrely I have found those awful American hoarders programmes on netflix motivating. Try it! Btw charity shops take clothes etc that they recycle so so stuff can be wrecked when you donate it.

Yes slightly the key is to have nothing but essentials and a couple of beloved items. My kids have hardly any toys and they're fine with this and actually play in more inventive ways now.

For example, my living room has 2 Sofas, 2 cushions, a chair, a coffee table. Tv, wifi box, dvd player. Wall clock, 3 pictures. Fireplace - 2 hurricane lamps. That's it!

OP I would gladly come and help you for the day. I love cleaning and tidying!! Lol I'm in the south east. Pm me if you would like me to help. All I would need is plenty of tea. And you needn't be embarrassed, I've seen some bad places. Also I second going to your GP, I take Anti depressants, they do help. Take care of yourself x

I appreciate the offers and they are very sweet but seriously no way is anyone seeing my house!

I'm going to try to crack on tomorrow. Baby is due in 2 weeks so it does need sorting.

For the cat wee smell. Buy a bottle of white vinegar, put it in a spray bottle undiluted and spray the area. Smell gone. Disinfectant will just mask it and anything with ammonia in it will just encourage them to do it again.

Cats wee'd on some clothes left lying around, that was relatively easy to sort but will remember that thank you x

I think whoever said up the thread about eating being out of control was right as well.

It is a bit pathetic but ATruth and others were right and it just needs doing.

But not today

if the baby is due in two weeks then you need to draft in help-your dh needs to take a few days off, you need to swallow your pride and get your mum over and get it done.

That's not possible. Just me :) gonna just have to get on with it.

I would relish coming round and helping out and wouldn't give a flying fig at the 'state of it'. Bet there are plenty of us on here that would help as well; where approx are you OP?

I know I sound like a stuck record but I couldn't let anyone in; I'm too ashamed.

I will really get stuck into it tomorrow.

Hi, have not read the whole thread, but just jumping n to say my house is exactly the same, and I feel the same way that you do. Am going downstairs to wash up, but will come back.

Goodness, if you are due in two weeks, no wonder you feel knackered. Of course it took time to get into this state so will require a bit of a slog to sort out, but you should not be doing this all on your own with two weeks to go!

Your Dh, although working away, presumably lives in the house, and shares the responsibility for his children's environment? what is he doing to resolve this problem?

However you do it, your new baby should be coming back to a reasonably hygienic house and bollocks to mess Can't you get your Dh to spend a couple of hours with you picking stuff up and then bite the bullet and pay a cleaner ? I know you worry about people judging you but the converse of that is there are many more opportunities for people to judge after the baby is home (health visitors, midwife visits if nec) so you really do need to sort it. What does your Dh think is the best way to go about this?

I do think if you feel down you should talk to you GP or midwife, but if you are worried about the house this won't help matters. It perhaps will help, though, if you get it sorted.

If I lived on my own, I know I would live like this by the way, so I understand where you're coming from. Although I'm a lazy slattern rather than heavily pregnant and fed up, so I have no excuse whatsoever . If you were local to me and I wasn't currently bed ridden, I would more than happily come over and give you a hand.im sure your friends would much rather help you than know you were stressed and down.

(Does anyone remember Trinity and MNers being wonderful and helping her, with her house btw?)

Please don't feel ashamed. I am certain that there are many kind people who would be happy to help you and wouldn't dream of judging you.

Here's another tip that has really helped me. Buy the best cleaning equipment you can afford. For example, we used to have a terrible vacuum cleaner. I would spend ages using the damn thing and the carpet wouldn't look much better afterward. So I bit the bullet and bought a relatively expensive vacuum and now it takes me (or my husband) a fraction of the time to do the job and the carpets look fabulous. Now I have my eye on a fancy steam cleaner. Wow, I sound utterly pathetic.

I know this feeling...
And for me it isn't just the house is a mess and grubby but I have 10,001 things that I need to do...for the house, for my children, for my work, for my voluntary work - often feel like like I'm drowning -or rather swimming through mud. Still in a mess but slightly more under control.
My first bit of advice would be 5 mins or less - I think it comes from unfuck my habit - if it takes 5 mins or less just do it, don't think about it or put it off just do it. When I started I spent 50 mins doing 5 min or less jobs. The most successful thing has been emptying the dishwasher ...which was a job I hated and it would sit full of clean plates whilst the dirty piled up. It is now a habit as soon as I notice it is finished I empty it. (dirty pots off the sofa, picking up the washing)
Obviously you have to do the basics every day, cooking, washing up, general tidying but I have also set myself a rota - so Monday is clean upstairs day. I do the whole of upstairs - basically tidy up, dust, hoover each room superficially - it takes less than 30 mins a room. I set a timer on myself -eg 15 mins to tidy up, 10 mins to hoover. Then I try and do an extra job - declutter/clean behind one extra thing/area in each room. This means you get the worse done but don't get carried away deep cleaning and end up- with one super clean room and the rest of the house is a sty
Then downstairs is Tuesday - same thing. Then Wed is my easy day/day off (motivation to get things done -if it isn't I don't get a 'down' day.) Thurs is my big job day -gardening or anything else I can be bothered to do. And Friday is paperwork/work from home day. Sat is shopping day and Sunday is washing day. I might do the odd load of washing throughout the week but I try and get most of it done on a Sunday (5-7 loads). One after the other, onto line, air in tumble, hang up and away or fold into a basket. The week before last I was packing for a holiday and was busier than normal for work etc. And I was washing every day (I wash new clothes for me and DCs before wearing after an allergic reaction that may have been caused by new unwashed before use pyjamas) and it felt absolutely never ending...also I washed more eg a dishcloth that was ok but would need washing in a day or so I thought I may as well put it in now... I put all the rest of the clean clothes away on a Monday. I cull the drawers at the same time (have a clothes recycling bag on the go constantly) so there is always drawer space to put clean clothes away.

You can get on top of it - and it didn't get this way overnight so it will take time - just fairy steps will make a big difference...

Well done for making a start, OP, and good luck for tomorrow.

Op, if you think social services would want to take your children into care because of the state of your house (if it's really that bad) then why not ask for their help?

I am another one who can't understand how your partner can be "doing loads" if it is honestly in that state?

If you just wash up every day or two, throw rubbish out, clean toilet and do enough laundry for your children to regularly have clean clothes then that would be sufficient. If you do not have the energy to manage that, then is your child safe with you? Is he/she being properly looked after? Ask yourself honestly.

Totally agree that when you've sorted it out, the key to staying on top of it is routine. (Although with a new baby, your DH, or help if you can afford it, should be the one staying on top of it.)

As I said, I am a natural slattern but keep my house reasonably clean and tidy as DH (used to be SAHP) really dislikes a dirty house and works very long hours and looks after me generally. I want him to be happy in the small amount of time he can relax for so I make the effort. I'm usually on sticks or crutches, if not my chair, so anything that needs picking off the floor is up to someone else, but I spend half an hour to an hour each morning (I have a small house) putting clothes washes on, wiping kitchen and picking general shit up. Once a week I clean the bits of the bathroom that I can, DH does all the bed changing, hoovers daily and everything else. I call what I do "the superficial clean" and DH calls his "the big clean"

I think if you can try and get it sorted before the baby comes, it will be so much easier to keep on top of it, but you need help and shouldn't feel bad at all about getting that help. (I don't mean your DH btw, sharing the cleaning load in your own home isn't helping, like looking after your DC isn't babysitting).

Minty - he's away for five days out of seven.

I don't then know if it is 'that bad' but it is pretty grim. I don't know what the SS 'cut off' is but I'm certainly not going to invite them in

So (if I've got this right), the house has been like this since you had your first child (and tidied one room for the Health Visitor, who is now 1 year old and so perhaps starting to be mobile? If nobody else is coming into your home, how have you managed to care for your one year old if you have been unable to get out of bed for a few days? Is your DH home with you during the week? If so, can he do some housework as you sound exhausted.

My house was a bit if a mess during a really bad episode of depression, it was hard to get on top of it, a couple of threads on mn really helped with the practical things, the fly lady and ufyh threads. The mental health boards on here are good too. If there is anyone in rl who will help please swallow your pride and let them

Not quite scott it has been a slow slide since maybe the start of 2015?

I said I hadn't got out of bed 'properly' as in I've sort of dragged myself and done the bare minimum sort of thing but mostly just lain down watching stuff on the iPad to keep the toddler entertained.

Set an alarm. 15 minutes cleaning then reset the alarm and an hour rest. Repeat.

Stick to that. 15 minute bursts shouldn't be too onerous.

Make a list of things that need doing in each room. Cross out as you do them. It's very rewarding to see the things being crossed out. If you make the list long then you see more reward for the effort iykwim.

I said I hadn't got out of bed 'properly' as in I've sort of dragged myself and done the bare minimum sort of thing but mostly just lain down watching stuff on the iPad to keep the toddler entertained

Sounds like you are having a really rough time

I seriously think you need to get some help. You will soon have 2 children and i know from experience that you need to get on top of things. Please go to your gp and if you can tell a close friend or your mum. I'm sure they'd be pleased you asked for help rather than struggling on alone. If you were my friend, I'd feel flattered you turned to me and would do all I could to help you out.