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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't quite right?

312 replies

Allisgood1 · 11/07/2015 18:41

Dd (6) in the park after school the other day. She has two best friends, and the backstory (which I won't get into too much) is that one friend has a helicopter mum and has gradually been driving a wedge between not only our relationships but also the 3 girls seem to be playing less and less together.

Anyway, other day helicopter mums (HM) dd had a massive sausage roll. My dd and other friend asked if they could have some. Friend turned to HM and said "do I have to?" And HM said "only if you want". Well she decided that actually she didn't want to. In the end the roll was far too large for her to finish but she still refused to share it and HM said "why didn't you bring a snack?"

Is it me or should we be encouraging our children to share? Confused

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 11/07/2015 23:45

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent

Original poster
Allisgood1 · 11/07/2015 23:50

Feel free to search other threads I've started re this parent. Although I'm sure most of you are very comfortable on your bandwagon at the moment.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 11/07/2015 23:50
Confused
LondonRocks · 12/07/2015 00:05
Hmm
Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 07:15

I have never heard of helicopter parenting until I came to MN. However I never liked the term so don't use it. I was also under the impression that most people don't like it too.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 12/07/2015 08:15

You seem very over invested in this woman OP.

Sparklingbrook · 12/07/2015 08:32

Helicopter parenting is a very good description of some parents though. There were quite a few at First School.

mrsjskelton · 12/07/2015 08:40

Their argument could have been a hygienic one... It's weird to share food you eat directly with your mouth... Finger snacks slightly different.

CakeNinja · 12/07/2015 09:32

I think it's nice to share. I share my food if people ask.
I wouldn't give my dc a snack at the park if we were there with friends without making sure there was enough for all of them. That's bad manners.
In the op you did say there was too much and she couldn't finish it all, did the rest go in the bin? If so, I think that's a bit spiteful towards your dd.
Children don't always possess and display the social skills that we as adults come to expect from each other. Asking for food may seem scrounging to some but quite logical to children. I bring mine up to ask for things if they want them.
So ops dd asked her friend for some of her huge snack. She was refused. Rest of snack went in the bin. Wasteful and spiteful Imo.

TendonQueen · 12/07/2015 09:40

You shot yourself in the foot with the post about how your kids get fruit not shitty snacks and not before an early dinner. In that case, why did you even want her to have any of the sausage roll? Why didn't you say 'No, DD, we're having an early dinner so I don't want you to snack and spoil your appetite'? Or is that too much of a 'helicopter parent' thing to do? On that note, you moan that other woman is an HP, but you're not happy she didn't make her child share and left her to decide. Sounds like you will see her as being in the wrong whatever she does. You sound really hypocritical about the whole thing.

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 11:02

I'm not searching them OP, but why ON EARTH are you starting multiple threads about another person? Just don't spend time with her? Your child is old enough to do solo play dates if the kids are friends.

You don't have to like someone just because you both have children. BUt from the sound of it, contact means you are a seething mass of judgeypantness and she is a seething mass of helicoptoryness (in your opinion). Doesn't sound fun!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/07/2015 11:59

Well, allisgood - I think you need to out-passive-aggressive HM, the next time she tries to persuade you or your dd that she needs to share the dress/zip wire/whatever it is.

"It's OK, dd, you only have to share if you want to - just like little mini-HM with her sausage roll" - with firm, PA glare at HM.

NurseRoscoe · 12/07/2015 12:14

YABU! I hate kids that ask for bits of peoples food, including when my own kids do it! Share toys yes, take turns on the swings and things yes but they don't have to share their food.

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 12:16

SDTG - how do you tell who has won in a PA stand off?

It could go on for all of eternity, if you factor in sulking as a PA behaviour....

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/07/2015 12:21

I guess you mark on Technical Merit and Artistic Impression, Wideopenspace! Grin Maybe on Stamina too.

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 12:25

There would need to be an externally imposed time limit though, I reckon. And judges holding up scores?

GatoradeMeBitch · 12/07/2015 12:51

You are extremely passive aggressive OP (And 'Wow. Just wow.' is the official phrase of your people.) YADBU - and the fact that you refuse to budge an inch says such a lot about you.

You're sure it's this woman who is ruining friendships? You seem very combative about the fact that your friend should have torn chunks off a sausage roll for your child who you say shouldn't even have been eating anything before her early dinner. When the YABUs are almost unanimous it's the time for a reasonable person to consider whether they were being unreasonable.

Were the kids just trying to wind their friend up? Because yes, sweets and other multiple singular items can be shared, but it wouldn't occur to most people whatever their age to ask for a share of one item - even if it was as big as Channing Tatum's arm!

PeppaWellington · 12/07/2015 13:05

Slightly OT: I have run out of sausage rolls.

Damn.

There are a lot of people on this thread saying YABU, kids shouldn't share their food, every person has said YABU, why won't you agree with us?

Could these people please bear in mind that a) some of us are saying YANBU and b) this was a MASSIVE amount of snack, not a small mini wouldn't-fill-a-Borrower size sausage roll. This thing was nearer the size of the Welsh sewer fatburg. There was plenty to share, so why not, on this occasion, share?

Seriously, if you meet some friends in the park and you've just popped into a shop and bought a massive bag of Doritos, and a friend says 'ooh could I have a couple?' - is it not incredibly bad manners to refuse? And is it really so rude to ask for a couple of your friend's crisps or something?

I agree with the OP, mumsnet has entered the Twilight Zone. Time was, the answer to the OP was You dreadful mother! You associate with sausage roll eaters?! Hie thee to a hunnery!

bigbumtheory · 12/07/2015 14:41

Op if you've started multiple threads about this parent, obviously don't like her and your dd isn't keen...why bother with her? Why not drop her? Why not encourage your dd to share with those who share with her and tell HP dd 'no' when she next says? Just telling HP 'no actually dd doesn't have to share, she chooses who to share with and it's not those who don't with her' will get HP miffed and away from you anyway. So if you don't like her neither do your dds like each other then stop ranting in threads about her and ditch her. Otherwise you'll keep making threads, keep on ranting and being pissed off and what's the point?

Life's too short to be around people who piss you off- whether yabu/yanbu as to why they piss you off doesn't really matter so much because you'll never accept yabu/yanbu if you don't agree with it anyway and because it's easily solvable, just walk away.

TheQueenOfSheba · 12/07/2015 14:56

I would have had to have said something judgey about the sausage roll Grin.

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 14:57

Queen that is the kind of behaviour that earns PA points...

fastdaytears · 12/07/2015 15:06

It's rude to ask for someone else's food and 6 is way old enough to know that.

But have we established where sausage rolls the size of an adult's arm are available?

Teabagbeforemilk · 12/07/2015 15:12

Personally I think op was bu.

I don't think her dd was rude

I don't think the girl should have to share her arm sized sausage roll of she doesn't want. Although I would still like the clarification of it was whole arm like shoulder to wrist.

I do also think the OP is one to exaggeration. And the sausage roll was probably just a large Greggs one

Wideopenspace · 12/07/2015 15:17

fast no, no we haven't. OP said she would text her friend, but didn't get back to us...

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 12/07/2015 15:37

Bloody hell nearly 300 posts over a sausage roll dilemma

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