To think this isn't quite right?

[Allisgood1]

Dd (6) in the park after school the other day. She has two best friends, and the backstory (which I won't get into too much) is that one friend has a helicopter mum and has gradually been driving a wedge between not only our relationships but also the 3 girls seem to be playing less and less together.

Anyway, other day helicopter mums (HM) dd had a massive sausage roll. My dd and other friend asked if they could have some. Friend turned to HM and said "do I have to?" And HM said "only if you want". Well she decided that actually she didn't want to. In the end the roll was far too large for her to finish but she still refused to share it and HM said "why didn't you bring a snack?"

Is it me or should we be encouraging our children to share?

Not sure if this has been done yet but to put it into perspective I've just messaged a friend saying "reading a mumsnet thread that's 9 pages long, about whether a 6 year old should share a sausage roll the size of an arm". Mull that over for a little bit.

I think yabu. Though I disagree that your dd was rude to ask, it's not as if she just took it. Of course it would have been nice for the friend to share but equally I can't see myself forcing dd to share if she doesn't want to.

Yes stripy take me with you.

blondie - some of this thread is genuinely hilarious!

This is crazy!

Surely if you are out with friends kids you share your snacks. Round here everyone would bring things to share and if someone forgot then the snacks would be divided before being given out.
No wonder there are so many selfish people around!

God i am hungry

Do you want some of my sausage roll?

You can get 'em cheap at Tesco Express at this time - 10p if you're lucky.

I don't share my food and I am a very generous person, just leave my fucking food alone. I will share everything else with you though.

My mum is a sod for not ordering chips etc with her food when we are out then saying she will have a few of mine!

I teach my children to share communal things but I tell them they do not have to share their favourite toys etc (but put them away before friends come over) or their food, but it is a nice thing to do.

I wouldn't expect an adult to share their sausage roll with me after all.

This Is Just To Say

I have eaten
the sausage roll
that was in
the lunchbox

And which
you were probably
saving
for your entirely unnecessary mid afternoon snack, you cakehumping philistine

Forgive me
it was delicious
so gelatinous
spitty and chewy

Npchapman - since sharing is such a joyful experience, please will you share some of your money with me? And some chocolate or sweets please.

In seriousness, yes it is nice to share, but I do not think a child should be forced to share their snack or whatever. Encourage them, by all means but making them doesn't sit well with me.

I note that Allisgood disapproves of HM intervening and forcing her child to share, but wants HM to force her own child to share. Double standards?

Bravo Madhen!

No STDG. don't put words in my mouth. I don't have double standards. My point there was "isn't it ironic that if my kid doesn't share she's straight in there in pure HM style but if her child doesn't want to share that's ok".

It's OK to ask but if you ask you must expect an answer and that answer will not always be 'yes'. It is nice if kids share but being forced to give up something you have is not really 'sharing' at all, it is something being requisitioned.

I think also some foods are easier to share, e.g. sweets etc, but once you start chomping on a big sausage roll I am not sure how easy it is to share!

I also feel quite nervous sharing food if I am not sure if kids can actually eat everything so if one parent was not present that would make me less willing to pass around food.

And of course, in answer to the question, do I have to share, the answer should be no, and so 'only if you want to' sounds fair.

MadHenLady I love it, those plums, so cold!

So why don't you intervene when HM is requisitioning (thank-you, Italiangreyhound -'that's a perfect description) your child's snacks?

It's never about food with mine. It's about the bloody swing in the park. Or the zip wire. Or the dress up dress. Or the doll. Or whatever 6 year old drama there is. Her child is fine not to share. If mine doesn't I can expect a chatting to, a passive aggressive comment, a passive aggressive text, or that HM will "kindly" ask dd to do what her dd wants. NOT all of the above. ONE of the above. Before you decide to add more words to my mouth.

It pees me off when other children ask me or my daughter for some of her food.
If they see their friends with food or sweets, my daughters will ask me if I have anything for them. They know not to ask other people for food.

Taking turns on a zip wire is a completely different thing to sharing your dinner.

I applaud you all on your perfect well mannered children. May they continue to be so perfect and well rounded.

Dinner? I'm pretty sure it was a snack. And you're also missing the point

You need to step away. From the thread and um, HM.

Toxic, I tell thee.

99% yabu and I'm the one missing the point? Right.

Allisgood1 it sounds like this sausage roll is actually about much more than a snack. If you are unhappy about your friendship with helicopter mum why not talk to her privately over a coffee and see if there is an issue?

Plus I am wondering how you are define that, helicopter mum, because I reckon I am a helicopter mum too, which is maybe on the right side of being a smother mother! And to me is not such a bad thing!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I had to look it up for spelling!!!

We don't have a share everything rule. I think you teach kids to be doormats that way. We have communal things that MUST be shared eg games consoles, swings in garden etc then each kid is encouraged but not forced to share their own toys/books.

In your situation I would have told my kids off for begging for food. In hms situation I would have done the exact same thing.

It was actually on a separate, entirely unrelated thread, that termed this mum a helicopter mum. So definitely a mumsnet term.