To ask, how much are Mumsnetters owed in maintenence arrears?

[whothehellknows]

I know from previous threads that there are lots of us on MN with ExP's that do anything they can to avoid maintenence.

Last night in a fit of ire (because ExP who "can't afford to pay maintenence" told me about how he's looking to buy a fucking boat) I used the CMS calculator to double check how much he should have been paying all this time. In total, our kids have missed out on over £6000 in payments in two years. The number really shook me. I'm sitting here thinking how many times I've cried in desperation trying to make ends meet, worked overtime, sold my stuff and gone without to take care of my kids. What a difference that money could have made.

I know it's a broken record, but I can't help but think that lone parents would need a lot less help from the state if NRP's had to step up and pay for their kids.

So out of curiosity, more than anything else, I'm wondering how much mumsnetters have had to make do without-- I'm betting it's a mind blowing amount.

If your ex should be paying and isn't, how much has he managed to dodge?

MNHQ, doesn't this issue sound like it has potential for a Mumsnet campaign? Even just on this thread, there are so many parents having to raise their kids without the financial support of the NRP, and yet lone parents also have to face media stigma when they have to access support through benefits.

How can it be ok for deadbeat parents to duck and dive, avoiding supporting their children, while lone parents (who are being financially abused) take the flack as benefit "scroungers"?

The CMS are useless. If self employed NRPs don't pay, the worst they can do is send a strongly worded letter.
Utterly useless. I've had 18 months of hell dealing with them. As if the NRPs aren't enough to deal with, the CMS are the salt on the wound

whothehellknows...absolutely, that is an excellent idea. I am also going to link this thread to mine where this is a huge part of the issues in my divorce. Feckless fathers are the scourge of society..

MNHQ, if you put this on Twitter, I imagine you'd get a huge response. I second the idea of a campaign, most definitely!

I reported the thread to catch their attention too

Brilliant, well done. I am more than happy to contribute what I can to this. It's something that is simply intolerable and more has to be done...

Me and DH pay maintenance, on time, every month.
I can't understand how anyone would want to not pay! It disgusts me that NRPs (mums or dads) feel that they shouldn't pay.

The letters that we receive from CMS threaten deductions from earnings if we don't pay or default to the collect and pay service, which adds yet more money onto the £3k a year bill.

When DSD lived with us her mum went into arrears via CM. they wrote to us last week and said they wouldn't be persuing the debt. I've been on both sides of this system and its shitty either way!

Over £200k.

DS1's 'father' did the whole, "I'm not working, so I don't have to pay" thing, so I took pictures of him driving his works van.... he left his job, but was still working cash in hand and earning ££££££. We were struggling on benefits and were evicted from our home due to him not paying the maintenance to the landlord. He was buying houses and making bundles renting them out...

DS2's father did exactly the same, despite the many many instances of him promising me he'd never be so much of a wanker. He paid for his older son, but refused to pay for DS2, because he didn't look like him. He also refused to pay for DNA tests. Funny that. He was a violent abusive fucker though, and I'm glad he's dead.

Men who don't pay for their children are congratulated by exactly the same type of people as those who think that single mothers on benefits should be burned at the stake or something. The fact that they fail to make the connections says everything anyone ever needs to know about them.

4k here, they sent a letter from the bailiffs recently. The day after he received the letter he signed on.

Have two sons by deadbeat dad. Sons' ages: nearly 15 and 13. Not been paid a penny. EVER. Not one. How many tens of thousands is that?

CSA said, a few years back, he was exempt from paying because he was getting Incapacity Benefit. Then, I heard he lost it (swinging the lead). All along he had a London flat, a third share of his late mother's house, worth a million (in London) and had also inherited money from elsewhere which - the police told me when they saw his bank statements cos he was harassing me - was already well over £100,000 just sat in the bank, before he inherited anything.

Now CSA pay the poor lamb doesn't have to pay anything as "We checked and he is not receiving any benefits. But he also has no employer". Ie: he is so rich he doesn't even have to work. Which means he doesn't have to pay me. According to the CSA. Also they couldn't find him. Which is odd as he still lives where he has done since the late 1980s.

During the time he was harassing me, I discovered he was attending a C of E church in Holborn, and had done the Alpha course. I wrote to his vicar and let drop he paid no maintenance and has never paid a penny for the kids but trying to shame him with his dodgy mates had no effect whatsoever.

Anyone up for a website naming and shaming deadbeat dads? I'd love to start one. ;o) And the truth can't be libel.

I think a website is an excellent idea. I know very many people who would be happy to contribute!

So sorry to read your story Joffrey...it is actually astonishing. Yet I have had the CMS tell me that they go to "huge lengths" now to catch out those not paying correct maintenance. I have started my claim but cannot progress it until the consent order is signed off for my divorce. The Judge was so unimpressed by ex-H's behaviour and financial abuse, he gave me permission to submit all of his financial disclosure to the CMS which clearly shows the lifestyle he's been leading with his wealthy merry widow OW. Yet he also clearly ran our business into the ground and recently I have started to be chased for his debts. He will shortly very much regret letting that happen...!

It sounds like a lot of non-paying parents object to what they perceive as giving money to the ex-partner, rather than the children. I don't know how you get round that.

Well, they could save the money up and gov it to the child when they left home. They won't though because it's a lie they are just vindictive.

I think in the case of my XH, he sees all money as pocket money. He doesn't contribute to food or bills at his mother's house and has no idea of the cost of keeping himself in basics let alone a growing child. He was whinging on FB the other day about how he was paid and then money just went out for his phone and his car.

He is hugely entitled. I suppose he is resentful that he has to pay for those things out of his own earnings, so it's an intellectual leap too far to see child support as anything other than giving me money.

my ex thinks he should pay because my son is autistic & doesn't get that from him..... Nothing surprises me anymore. Some of these men want castrating

Shouldn't pay**

I would love this to become a mumsnet crusade!! For too long it's been swept under the carpet and needs a huge overhaul. Just think how much Osborne/ ids would save if nrp actually paid their way!

Exactly!! If my ex paid 20% of his wages I wouldn't need workin tax as a top up on my part time wages.

My poor mum took my dad to the csa when he left about 25 years ago (I was 5, my brother was 3) he got away with paying bugger all. Not a penny. he was a self employed mechanic and could afford to buy a nice big 4 bed detached house out of his earnings! im sure he owes my mum a pretty penny!

YY to a name and shame campaign! Can I ask for my father to be the first? He and my mother divorced in 1976, he then got married (we found out via a postcard from his honeymoon ), and buggered off to work in Saudi Arabia for years. He only left enough maintenance for one. I dread to think how much money he owes, taking inflation into account.

Not long after we split, my ex's mum asked me if my older kid had enjoyed the money she gave him for his birthday. What money? I asked. She said she'd given £50 to his "dad" to give to me for my son (who was then about 3). She was horrified when I told her I'd never seen a penny of it. No doubt he thought I'd spend it on myself. In his head (and his church's I think) this was his justification for never giving me a penny. Of course, me spending money I should have been able to spend on myself (or other things/people) but instead having to spend it on the two little lads, wasn't an issue...

And of course I spend a fortune on myself. I last went to the hairdresser... in 2011. Kids need football boots, school trips and of course, their own hair cuts every time I nearly can afford it. It doesn't bother my ex that their stepdad spends his money on them, either.

I don't get how the CSA say my ex is so wealthy he doesn't claim any benefits yet also doesn't work. Yet this also means he doesn't have to pay a penny for the kids... If he had a job, he'd have to pay for them. If he was on any benefit but some kind of incapacity benefit - whatever they call it now - he'd have to pay something. But because he is stinking rich - he pays nothing. Go figure.

I'm owed not a single solitary penny. I know this because the CSA wrote to me twice a year for 15 years to tell me my ex had paid me â?¬0 would continue to pay me â?¬0 and owed me â?¬0.

This year they wrote to me to tell me they were closing my claim and I should make a new private arrangement or a new claim with whatever it is they've rebranded themselves as.

I figure with the costs of stamps and paper and things technically my CSA claim cost the CSA more than it cost my ex.

You should make a new claim Madatory!

I found out that under the old CSA rules, ex was assessed as not owing anything, because he fucked off and had three kids with his new wife. Under the new rules however, he was assessed as needing to pay £253 a month. You close the old claim, wait 13 weeks and start a new claim under the new rules.

No he hasnt paid but I am on them on a weekly basis and they are now putting a deduction from earnings order on him, which will really piss him off!

Go for a new claim and ring them weekly, the squeaky wheel gets the most grease....

Or even Mandatory

Bogey, I shall be onto you about this....will be in touch x