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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I shouldn't be asked to vacate my seat as a pregnant woman?

61 replies

LashesandLipstick · 09/07/2015 17:02

I'm 32 weeks with SPD and have had a shitty day consisting of several hours in hospital. In a busy pharmacy while waiting I sat on the seat next to someone's handbag.

Next thing I know, I'm being asked in a rude tone "can you move out this seat so that old lady can sit down?!" By an interfering twat the owner of the handbag. The elderly lady then huffed and said YES, THANK you when I got up. I also got glared at. I expected nosy sod to pick up her damn bag but she didn't, and I had to stand feeling like I was about to pass out.

AIBU to think being elderly doesn't automatically surpass pregnancy, and if you're going to have the audacity to ask someone to move you should at least move your own bags?

Sorry for the second angry thread of the day, pregnancy rage is getting to me

OP posts:

AnyoneForTennis · 09/07/2015 17:04

Why didn't you say 'move the bag please' ?

Looseleaf · 09/07/2015 17:06

I agree should have asked to move the back in a slightly indignant tone- but I'm not surprised you were annoyed. Poor you!

fastdaytears · 09/07/2015 17:06

What Anyone said. Problem solved!

TheBookofRuth · 09/07/2015 17:06

Yep, should have told her to move her bag

Teabagbeforemilk · 09/07/2015 17:06

Person who asked you to move also had her bag on the seat? Why didn't you tell her to love her bags?

Personally I would have told them I wasnt moving. If the wan wanted a seat for an old lady then she could have moved her stuff.

Although pg doesn't automatically trump elderly though either.

IconicTonic · 09/07/2015 17:06

She should have moved her bags, but you should've told her that, and no being elderly doesn't trump pregnancy spd so in this case as you were there first you had every right to stay put.

YANBU

Original poster

LashesandLipstick · 09/07/2015 17:07

I was surprised she'd asked so stood expecting her to move them, by this point she'd walked to the counter and was talking to the pharmacist, bags still on seat. I felt a bit dazed that id been spoken to like that.

OP posts:

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 09/07/2015 17:08

Why did you get up? Either you should have given her the seat or not, but giving it and then complaining and letting someones bag have a seat instead....thats just weird.

browneyedgirl86 · 09/07/2015 17:09

I would have asked her to move her bag too. I don't agree that being pregnant trumps being elderly However.

Atenco · 09/07/2015 17:09

That is ridiculous, OP, why didn't you speak up?

honeyroar · 09/07/2015 17:09

Couldn't you just have moved her bags and sat back down?

ollieplimsoles · 09/07/2015 17:09

I would have asked her to move her bag tbh.

I was in a similar situation last weekend at an open festival day in our local town. It was boiling hot and I couldn't stand up any longer while waiting for my sister. I asked a girl if she would move her bag on the seat next to hers (she looked about 16) and she said 'sorry but I'm saving it for my grandma' I thought fair enough, I'm pregnant not dying and the grandma might be really frail. So I just sat down on the pavement! Then the grandma turned up and said 'why didnt you give that lady the seat!?' and pointed at me, to her bewildered granddaughter!

MammaTJ · 09/07/2015 17:12

Nope, the bag should have been moved to make room for her and I would have said so!

bloodyteenagers · 09/07/2015 17:12

I would have moved her bags to the floor and said here, have a seat to the old lady.
But I am also known for sitting on bags when people won't move them from seats.

Original poster

LashesandLipstick · 09/07/2015 17:12

Posted above I was a bit surprised so stood up expecting her to move the bags, then she went to the counter and started talking to the pharmacist leaving her bags there. Had I not had a shitty day I'd have probably said something to her afterwards but I've been in hospital for hours today as well as last night and I feel utterly shite.

OP posts:

TheAssassinsGuild · 09/07/2015 17:15

Why on earth did you move? You were absolutely entitled to that seat. Never mind handbags occupying seats, there must have been plenty of other people who were in a far better position than you to stand.

You need to practice your 'I am pregnant, in pain and in need of this seat!' speech or your shocked 'Are you really suggesting that a heavily pregnant woman should stand whilst more able people remain seated?!?' Or get a Bump on Board badge, so you can just wordlessly point to it.

When I was pregnant with DD, I didn't really show until very late. But I still flipping well needed to sit down. I had my speech all planned in my head if I was challenged about occupying a priority seat on the bus or the tube. I never was. I was a bit disappointed really....

CultureSucksDownWords · 09/07/2015 17:15

It is ok to say "no," even though we're often conditioned not to when confronted. You needed the seat just as much as the elderly woman and had every right to refuse without explaining yourself to strangers.

I would also have shoved the bags off the seat and invited the elderly woman to sit where the bags were.

OneHandFlapping · 09/07/2015 17:16

So when she went to the counter, why didn't you sit down in her seat, and she would then have had to mover her bag?

TheAssassinsGuild · 09/07/2015 17:17

No I get the shock of being asked to do something when you are dazed and so you end up doing it even though it is utterly unreasonable.

You poor thing.

You should have staged a 'collapse' onto her sodding bags!

wonkylegs · 09/07/2015 17:18

Nowadays I have a thick skin and would have said 'no sorry I need to sit, oh look there's a seat here' and point at the bag.
I have had chronic RA since I was 19 and have endured many a nasty comment , look or even had people try to manhandle me as they don't understand that I need that seat not because I'm lazy or nasty but because I'm in pain/exhausted/on the point of collapsing.
I used to move nowadays depending on my mood I either ignore or give them an earful.
Today I've had a shitty day so they would get an earful.
Hope your SPD disappears soon, I had hip problems throughout pregnancy and it was miserable so I can sympathise.

Original poster

LashesandLipstick · 09/07/2015 17:19

I had my speech all planned in my head if I was challenged about occupying a priority seat on the bus or the tube. I never was. I was a bit disappointed really....

Haha! I'm usually very vocal so surprised myself by not feeling like I could do anything...

OP posts:

NickiFury · 09/07/2015 17:20

I would never have given up my seat. You need to be more assertive OP. Also I would have moved her stuff myself!

Original poster

LashesandLipstick · 09/07/2015 17:20

Assassins I wish I had, I feel really annoyed with myself now for not doing anything!

OP posts:

Wendied · 09/07/2015 17:22

I'd have sat in the seat she vacated, then when she returned she could have moved her own bags for a seat!

BackInTheRealWorld · 09/07/2015 17:25

YABU in that you chose to stand up and let a handbag have a seat rather than you. You muppet (I mean that kindly!)

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