Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't be asked to vacate my seat as a pregnant woman?

61 replies

LashesandLipstick · 09/07/2015 17:02

I'm 32 weeks with SPD and have had a shitty day consisting of several hours in hospital. In a busy pharmacy while waiting I sat on the seat next to someone's handbag.

Next thing I know, I'm being asked in a rude tone "can you move out this seat so that old lady can sit down?!" By an interfering twat the owner of the handbag. The elderly lady then huffed and said YES, THANK you when I got up. I also got glared at. I expected nosy sod to pick up her damn bag but she didn't, and I had to stand feeling like I was about to pass out.

AIBU to think being elderly doesn't automatically surpass pregnancy, and if you're going to have the audacity to ask someone to move you should at least move your own bags?

Sorry for the second angry thread of the day, pregnancy rage is getting to me

OP posts:
TheAssassinsGuild · 09/07/2015 17:26

Don't feel annoyed (says she, who still seethes years after encounters where I only thought of the correct and 'winning' thing to say after the event). It's bloody hot, you're very pregnant, you have SPD. You are allowed to not think of the right thing to say or do.

Really hope the SPD at the very least doesn't get any worse. I had it in the latter stages of pregnancy and was simultaneously horrified and astonished at the pain and how debilitating it was.

XXX

NinkyNonkers · 09/07/2015 17:28

I don't get it, you and she both were sat, and she also had bags on a seat. If she wanted a seat for the elderly lady why didn't she stand? Especially if she then went to counter anyway? And presumably you then sat in her vacated seat when she got up?

TravellingToad · 09/07/2015 17:28

YABU if you're too pathetic to move the bag or tell her to move it.

I hate people that whinge after the event when they could have solved the problem at the time.

ConfusedInBath · 09/07/2015 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LashesandLipstick · 09/07/2015 17:31

*Don't feel annoyed (says she, who still seethes years after encounters where I only thought of the correct and 'winning' thing to say after the event). It's bloody hot, you're very pregnant, you have SPD. You are allowed to not think of the right thing to say or do.

Really hope the SPD at the very least doesn't get any worse. I had it in the latter stages of pregnancy and was simultaneously horrified and astonished at the pain and how debilitating it was.

XXX*

Thanks! SPD is horrible isn't it :( I've had it since 20 weeks and it's really painful

OP posts:
sashh · 09/07/2015 17:31

I was surprised she'd asked so stood expecting her to move them, by this point she'd walked to the counter and was talking to the pharmacist, bags still on seat. I felt a bit dazed that id been spoken to like that.

so there was an empty seat where she had got up and a seat with her bag on and you stood?

RachelRagged · 09/07/2015 17:32

This was tried with me once during one of my pregnancies except I was in a hospital . I did stand for the elderly lady but, noting the bag left on an empty seat (the woman with her had put it there) I simply had a moment of pregnancy psychosis lolll . . picked up HER bag off the seat, slowly lowered it onto her lap then let it drop onto her lap, then sat down on now handbag free seat , glaring.

OP YANBU

MrsWhirling · 09/07/2015 17:33

I commute in London where nobody would get away with having their bag on a seat during rush hour. You should asked her to move her bags so you could sit there instead. X

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/07/2015 17:33

You actually got up on someone's say so. I'd have said. In case it has escaped you notice I am heavily pregnant. Sorry but someone else or
Rather your precious bags will have to give up a seat. Because I ain't.
Oh congratulations.

Original poster
LashesandLipstick · 09/07/2015 17:36

sashh she was standing there were only 2 seats, I sat in the one next to her bag.

rachel I really wish I'd have moved her bags!

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 09/07/2015 17:38

Why didn't you say "I need a seat more than your bag does!"

VanillaTwirl · 09/07/2015 17:39

YABU I'm afraid. You could have:

  1. Said "no, sorry - I am pregnant and in a lot of pain, if you move your bag she would have a seat".
  2. Said "no, sorry - I am pregnant and in a lot of pain, you'll have to give her your seat I'm afraid".

You didn't, you got up - but at that point you could have:

  1. Moved her bag and sat in the seat.
  2. Sat in her seat when she went to the counter.

If you are in pain, then I'm afraid you need to get assertive and not expect other people to mind-read. It's easier than you think!

(I say this as someone who had SPD twice in the past and now lives with a chronic painful health condition which is invisible to others).
Hope you don't get too much worse in the coming weeks, SPD is horrid.

quietbatperson · 09/07/2015 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gruntfuttock · 09/07/2015 17:41

Or: "What makes you think your bag takes priority over a person, let alone a heavily pregnant one?" Angry

Oooooh! I'm outraged!

SweetCharityBeginsAtHome · 09/07/2015 17:42

Nobody knew you had SPD, and they didn't necessarily know you were pg either. But the bag thing clearly mad.

PuppyMonkey · 09/07/2015 17:45

Yep both you and the elderly person trump the handbag Grin

BackInTheRealWorld · 09/07/2015 18:07

Unless it was a particularly nice bag....

Chunkymonkey79 · 09/07/2015 18:21

Yabu standing up and not telling her to move her bags.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 09/07/2015 18:22

I'd have moved the bags.

This reminds me on an incident that happened to me in my church, which has exceptionally uncomfortable seating, but a few softer chairs.
I didn't have spd with my first pg, but by 8+ months I could not last the full service on the normal seats so I bagged a softer one.
An older couple walked past me, one of them sat on one of the softer chairs next to me. The gentleman of the couple then started dropping hints about 'hoping he survived' on a normal chair.
I wasn't going to move. He didn't outright ask, and I know for a fact even not pregnant he was fitter and stronger than I was (I have rheumatoid arthritis) and had I had to move I would simply have gone straight home. I had horrible spd from 20 weeks with my second pg and we ended up getting to church 15 minutes early every sunday so I knew I could have a soft chair. Although one week someone still tried to steal one out from under me (ok not literally).

Actually op - I'd have pretended to faint. But I have been called a Drama Lama before now... Grin

WixingMords · 09/07/2015 18:28

Who the heck asks anyone, pregnant or not, to move off a seat of someone else whilst their bags are on another seat.

Baffled!!

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 09/07/2015 18:28

Are you seriously saying that she wanted you to get up so someone old could sit down, and her bags were on another chair!?!?

AuntyMag10 · 09/07/2015 18:29

More fool you for getting up.

AccidentalAnarchist · 09/07/2015 18:29

You're the poster who, the other day, was wondering why people don't just say what they think?

Here, luv Biscuit

loveandsmiles · 09/07/2015 18:31

YANBU and I am finding my pregnancy hormones make me react in very irrational ways, so you are not quite yourself.

I am 36weeks and took DCs to their swimming lessons last night. Pool waiting area is boiling and I thought I might pass out standing - saw a lady had 2 chairs with swim bags etc on them and asked really nicely if she could move the items so I could sit down - she said NO - keeping seats for another mum. Completely out of character, I burst into tears!! Felt completely mortified at myself and fled outside to calm down - roll on the birth - can't face another 4 weeks feeling like thisGrin

HippyChickMama · 09/07/2015 18:33

I once had to stand up for the entire train journey from Slough to London while heavily pregnant and on crutches through SPD, also with a 5 year old in tow. Seats full of young students and not one of them offered to give up their seat. I make sure that ds gives up his seat on the bus/train for those that need it more just as I was made to as a child.