To put newborn on formula?

[BumWad]

Just a bit of background. DS who is 6 weeks old arrived at 32 weeks, his due date will be this Sunday.
He was in SCBU for just over 4 weeks, has had no issues apart from working on the feeding. Apart from a bit of formula in the first few days before my milk came in he has has breastmilk and I have now been ebf for nearly 3 weeks.

It's not all rosy at all. He's got reflux so is not keeping a lot down, except as soon as he's sick he wants to feed again. I am utterly, utterly exhausted. He's putting weight on but the feeding every 1.5-2 hours is killing me. The actual 'feed' is ok however I have to burp him then keep him upright for 30 mins afterwards which then makes it time for the next week.

Alongside this he's on Ranitidine 3 times a day, dalivit once a day, iron once a day and folic acid once a week. He's been prescribed gaviscon too but vomits that up too! I administer all these via a syringe and it's really taking away the job from breastfeeding.

I have lots of breastmilk frozen as I was pumping round the clock when he was in SCBU but this will eventually run out. I just feel so guilty about giving him formula so soon. Another thing that is constantly on my mind is that breastfeeding reduces the SIDS risk, I've had a previous stillbirth so I'm on edge with that as it is.

I guess I don't know what I'm asking but I'm getting to the end of my tether here. Any advice/support would be appreciated. DH is going to try and give him breastmilk in a bottle tonight so will see how that goes. I've got a wrap but he's not big enough to go in it yet, I've ordered a swing got a bouncer etc.

One day, your teeny tiny baby will be a strapping man,possibly with babies of his own.

I can guarantee you, by that point, neither you nor anyone else will know/ask/care how he was fed as a baby.

It's an aside, I agree that it isn't helpful to anyone to use terms such as "breastapo" - no need to tarr all breastfeeders with the same brush. Also, to the pp who asked why "give them formula" is the only acceptable answer on these threads...have you read the full thread? There's lots of balanced, measured advice on here - some people advocating switching, some people suggesting mix feeding (and even one little ray of sunshine telling the OP that she simply must keep bf....thanks for that, btw!)

OP I do hope you find some help here or in RL. Hoping the tone of some of these replies haven't driven you away.
Newborns are hard work.
Reflux is really hard to deal with.
You have to make a reasoned decision about what you feel is best.
Formula isn't a poison. I intended to bf for soooo many reasons. I couldn't.
Bf may be the ideal. Life isn't always the ideal.

You can raise a happy and healthy child whichever version (or mix!) you choose.

TheOriginalWinkly, it sounds like you decided not to ff. Because if you'd done it, it would've made sense for you to mention that rather than having considered doing it. With that in mind, do you not think that people who have experienced eff a newborn might not be neglecting to mention hassle, but rather giving an accurate account of how they found it? And that if your perception differs to theirs, perhaps their views are the ones that ought to be accorded more weight, given their greater experience? I mean, I have no idea about reflux or premies so don't feel remotely qualified to give a view to OP, but there's really no reason to be put off ff by perceived 'hassle' if that's what she wants and feels is best.

Please don't guilt trip yourself.

Put him on formula. He'll be fine!!

I don’t understand why you've put this under aibu. Formula feeding is a perfectly legitimate way to feed a child and there's nothing unreasonable about it. It's the mother's choice.

Please don't feel guilty - do whatever is best for you as it sounds really hard.

DS was a preemie who had special milk in scbu for 16 days and then was kept on it for another few weeks out of hospital so FF from birth and he's thrived. It was hard enough doing 2 bottles for the morning feed at first for the dalivit (went into an oz so he definitely took it all then another bottle with rest of feed) so you have my sympathies trying to syringe it mid-feed.

If he is premature he will need fed every couple of hours i fed on demand so she was having milk every 2 ish hours its just how it was you could mix feed or put him straight on formula doesnt mean he will settle better iyswim. Its draining when they have been in scbu be kind to yourself and do what you need to

Dd was on a special feed for a while i tried to express but couldnt she went onto formula it is ok it really is

Can you do mixed feeds?
Alternate breast and bottle?

One of the simplest things that helped ds with his reflux was keeping him more upright after a feed.
Either cuddles, a sling or his car seat.
It didn't eliminate it totally, but helped a lot.

I would try and breast feed in the day, as he has learned to latch on.

But overnight, try him on a bottle.
Get an anti-colic one.
At least you might have a chance at a few minutes sleep!
Especially if somebody else can do an occasional bottle.

Don't worry, when he naturally spends more time upright, and moves onto solids, it will lessen.

My ds had one try at breast feeding.
It didn't work.
After lots of failed attempts, and stress, we switched to bottles.
He is one of the healthiest kids in his class!

With dd, I guessed my body would still be rubbish, so I was more prepared for formula.
Glad I was, as she had mouth damage and struggled even with a bottle.

Both happy and healthy now.

Fingers crossed for yours, too.

Go with whatever you feel is best.

Even my 10 year old managed to make some bottles for dd.

Three of mine born by C-section. The first had full blown sickly reflux right until he was walking. Putting him on formula at 8 weeks was the first step in the right direction for me. Baby number 2 didn't have reflux but I put her on formula at 12 weeks because I didn't want to breastfeed any longer. Baby number 3 had silent reflux and lots of meds for it and was then diagnosed with CPMA, formula was frankly the only answer that time around. They're all thriving now.

Do whatever's easiest for you. Being kind to yourself is also being kind to your baby.

Why not both. It's doesn't have to be all or nothing. Dh could give him a night time bottle so you could have an early night. Then bf rest of time

Been a while since I breastfed, but my advice would be to buy those presterilized disposable bottles (they have really soft teats) and ready made formula cartons (which tastes sooooo much better than the chalky stuff to mix yourself) and do a bit of both. Boobs are a Godsend for nightfeeds but you need a break now and then.

My 3 week old DS wasn't a premie and (fingers crossed) doesn't have reflux so far, but he was tube fed in the SCBU for 5 days and so bfing never really happened. I nearly wore my nips off trying to express colostrum into a syringe the first day or so, then expressing every 3 hours round the clock. He's always had to be mix fed due to the formula he was given in the SCBU and my supply has never caught up.

When we finally got him home, I was still trying to express every 3 hours as well as FF and it damned near drove me to distraction. You've got the worst of both worlds - all the faffing around with bottles, sterilising and formula as well as all the faffing around with expressing and then feeding. Once I'd given myself permission to only express 4 times a day, life got a lot easier. He still gets some ebm and therefore antibodies, but also gets a nice feed off the formula. And I'm not as stressed trying to fit in expressing around every other thing that needs doing around a newborn and worrying my milk will dry up if I don't manage it.

It's the guilt, isn't it? We're all told breast is best and I was absolutely crippled thinking I was a terrible mum and just not trying hard enough. But honestly, never feel guilty for feeding your baby. If formula is for you, go for it - and get a Perfect Prep machine, they're ossum! FF does give you a break as other people can feed baby and you're not as tied to them. My DH often takes one or two night shifts so I can get some rest and it makes such a difference.

TLDR: happy parents = happy baby. Do what you need to do to help that happen

My early,teeny tiny baby couldn't breastfeed for a couple of reasons. 10 years later no one could care less. She is healthy, happy and how she got her nutrition in the first few months is of absolutely no importance whatsoever

I ebf my dd for 5 weeks. .. it was torture both physically and mentally. as soon as I switched to ff it was a revelation for us both, she was settled and slept and I stopped crying and my nipples healed. can't believe I persevered so long considering the state I was in. if bf works then great but if it doesn't then there is nothing to feel guilty about.

I've recently swapped from bf to formula. My dd has reflux, also on ranitidine, swapping did nothing to help or worsen her symptoms.

My dd bf really well, no problems at all, but I was deeply unhappy. She was constantly attached to me, as her feed volume increased I started to struggle to pump that amount, therefore whereas DH would usually do a night feed, it would all fall on me. I was exhausted. I felt so guilty giving up as DD had taken to it well, but I had to for my own sanity. It took my doctor giving me a good talking to that I didn't have to feel guilty for whatever way I wanted or didn't want to feed my baby. Since I've stopped I'm a much happier mother, and I think that is of huge importance.

OP, you do whatever you feel will make you happier, and feel no guilt for whatever choice you make, whether that be bf or formula feeding.

YANBU, OP. Do whatever works for you and don't worry about trying different things.

I had a 29 weeker and being a prem mum is hard enough without beating yourself up over feeding. Give yourself a massive pat on the back for breastfeeding your baby for as long as you have. While I'd encourage any mum of a premature baby to try to breastfeed them while they're in hospital (and again, well done you for doing so!), I do think that once they're full-term and at home, the stakes are much lower.

FWIW I breastfed and gave expressed breastmilk and didn't even consider formula, and in retrospect I still feel fairly ambivalent about my choice.

Pros: for me it, it alleviated the guilt of premature birth somewhat. I was also very anxious about SIDS, as prem babies are 4 or 5 times more prone to it, and bf was a least one more box I could tick. I do think it helped with immunity - first cold at nearly a year and no serious illnesses since. Baby had reflux (though nowhere near as bad as yours, OP) and our paediatrician encouraged me to continue breastfeeding, as it's supposed to help. It's convenient when the baby is older, and breastfeeding a toddler is great.

Cons: I worried about weight gain for months (massive early gain and then dropped off quite seriously). I was exhausted and baby would no longer take a bottle so couldn't be fed by anyone else for months. The exhaustion massively exacerbated my anxiety and had quite a detrimental effect on my mental health (anxiety still ongoing, though much much better!) and wellbeing.

In retrospect, I'm not sure that exclusive breastfeeding was the right course of action for me, though I'm happy to still be breastfeeding now. I'd say weigh up the pros and cons as you perceive them, and bear in mind it doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing thing. Lots of people happily mix-feed!

Also, about your stillbirth, OP, and congratulations on the arrival of your DS.

Haven't read the whole thread but I wanted to say well done on what you have achieved so far

My baby had silent reflux when he was very young and I felt like he was worse when I BF him and I felt so upset and guilty but my HV said breast feeding is actually really good for reflux as there is a component in it that helps settle stomachs down - or something like that anyway. When DS was 6 weeks old it was just horrendous, I was exhausted by the two hour feeds and the constant feeling of hopelessness because of DS's constant upset and I had a complete breakdown to my HV, I just cried and cried and cried. She advised I try a dummy and although I was reluctant because of the teat/nipple confusion but it was a life saver for me. I remember how DS slept for almost four hours when we tried the dummy and needless to say I slept for that time too and I felt like a new and rejuvenated woman. Incidentally, when DS was 10 weeks he refused the dummy but his reflux and colic symptoms had really settled down by that age. He was also prescribed Ranitidine which helped.

I had an incredibly hard time with my breast feeding and for the first 7-8 weeks of DS's life I was an emotional wreck. I went to BF support groups, I was ringing helplines, I had peer supporters come to my house, I paid to see someone professional to assess his feeding and I also met up with the breast feeding co-ordinator for my County to get help from her too. However, by the time DS was 9-10 weeks old his feeding pattern was much more predictable and I could go out knowing that DS would be quite comfortable for 3 hours without being fed. As the weeks passed things got so much easier and BF soon became just part of my daily routine and I never had to concern myself with it, it all just fell into place.

DS is 15 months old now and he still has 3 breast feeds a day.

What support do you have at home and from your wider family? Having good support is a huge factor when it comes to breast feeding, if it hadn't been for DH being so amazing I'm not sure I would have persevered.

As has been said, formula isn't poison and your baby will be fine, you've already given him a brilliant start so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Just do what is right for you and your family

YANBU. You do what you need to do for you and baby like all good mums do. Reflux is a nasty bugger, anything is worth a try. :)

OP, don't feel guilty, do what's right for you and your family. But it's early days, lots of mums feel like this at 6 weeks, let alone with a prem baby who will feed almost continually.
If you think you may worry or regret switching to formula why not decide to hang in there with bf a couple more weeks. Relax in bed or in front of the telly, make sure you are eating and drinking well, and don't try to do anything else but feed and sleep. (I'd lay in some novels too). Your baby is really a newborn, not a 6 week old, iyswim. In a few weeks the reflux may have started to settle, the gaps between feeds will lengthen (his tummy will take more and your boobs will match production to demand) and the whole thing may start to feel more manageable. If he will take a bottle of expressed breast milk from Dad so much the better.

It's never unreasonable to chose FF over BF if it works for you. My 3 DCs were FF (1st DC was BF for a few days but it hurt, my nipples were bleeding, and I didn't enjoy it)