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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To put newborn on formula?

178 replies

BumWad · 09/07/2015 16:00

Just a bit of background. DS who is 6 weeks old arrived at 32 weeks, his due date will be this Sunday.
He was in SCBU for just over 4 weeks, has had no issues apart from working on the feeding. Apart from a bit of formula in the first few days before my milk came in he has has breastmilk and I have now been ebf for nearly 3 weeks.

It's not all rosy at all. He's got reflux so is not keeping a lot down, except as soon as he's sick he wants to feed again. I am utterly, utterly exhausted. He's putting weight on but the feeding every 1.5-2 hours is killing me. The actual 'feed' is ok however I have to burp him then keep him upright for 30 mins afterwards which then makes it time for the next week.

Alongside this he's on Ranitidine 3 times a day, dalivit once a day, iron once a day and folic acid once a week. He's been prescribed gaviscon too but vomits that up too! I administer all these via a syringe and it's really taking away the job from breastfeeding.

I have lots of breastmilk frozen as I was pumping round the clock when he was in SCBU but this will eventually run out. I just feel so guilty about giving him formula so soon. Another thing that is constantly on my mind is that breastfeeding reduces the SIDS risk, I've had a previous stillbirth so I'm on edge with that as it is.

I guess I don't know what I'm asking but I'm getting to the end of my tether here. Any advice/support would be appreciated. DH is going to try and give him breastmilk in a bottle tonight so will see how that goes. I've got a wrap but he's not big enough to go in it yet, I've ordered a swing got a bouncer etc.

Sad
OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 09/07/2015 16:22

Oh Bumwad I do feel for you. My DH used to have to hold DS whilst I showered and dressed. He would make me a sandwich and leave it on the arm of the chair or I didn't get lunch.
DD 2nd child. On formula after 48 hours. It's not the ideal but I was happier and once a week DH did the night feeds.
When your child hits 21 they won't give a hoot how they were fed.

BitandBot · 09/07/2015 16:22

FF feeding is not hard once you are into it. Advantages of both ways of feeding. No need to feel guilty either way.
Actually there is poster on here who BF for months and then it came to light that her DC was unsettled due to an intolerance and then thrived on FF so she felt guilty about not swapping sooner. Can't remember name of poster.

Mulligrubs · 09/07/2015 16:23

If you want to try formula you do it and do not feel guilty about it. Do what is best for your whole family.

BitandBot · 09/07/2015 16:24

My DH was great. He stayed up with the baby and cuddled and gave bottle about 1 am so I could get unbroken sleep from 8-3. Fabulous. My mum or MIL would come and give a daytime bottle so I could rest.
I had flu when first baby was 6 weeks old and could not have looked after him and then D+V when second was 6 weeks old. I have no idea how I could have coped if they hadn't taken a bottle (mixed feeding at that stage).

soloula · 09/07/2015 16:26

Do you need to give the syringe midway through a feed? Just asking as DD1 was on ranitidine amongst other things and we were told to give her it at the start of a feed. She was also on another med for her milk allergy which I can't remember the name of off hand and this had to be mixed with milk but I expressed into a cup in the morning, stored the milk in syringes then added the medicine when it was time for a feed and syringed this into her wee mouth before we started rather than stopping midway - don't know if this is an option?

Breastfeeding is hard but the frequent feeds should lessen as little one puts on more weight. I struggled at the beginning too but was so glad I persevered and didn't have to be bothering with mixing feeds, sterilising bottles and bits and not having to prepare bottles for going out. I suppose like everything each has its pros and cons and it's just for you to decide what suits you (and baby) best. I don't know how helpful your health visitor is as they can be a great resource for helping you with issues like this and supporting you in whatever you decide to do.

LavenderRain · 09/07/2015 16:26

You need to do what makes you a happier mum and family. DO NOT feel guilty about formula. (And I say that as a neonatal nurse!)
I feel so sorry for mums that are made to feel that breastfeeding is the only way. Its not always best.
Reflux is bad enough without having sleep deprivation too.
do what is best for YOU
Thanks

Laquila · 09/07/2015 16:28

I think you should think about mix feeding, which would hopefully give you a bit of a rest and also enable you to ff for the administration of his meds.

There's no right and wrong, there's no deadline by which you must give up bf, there's not a perfect way to do this and formula is not poison. Having said all that, I had PND (which was only clear to me in hindsight) and I couldn't have fed my newborn formula if my life depended on it. I broke down in tears when anyone suggested it but used to haunt the formula aisles in the supermarket, desperate for sleep and relief!! Things came to a head at about 6 months and we started giving him little bits of formula, but arous no that time he also started spacing out his feeds and I felt better able to cope.

Good luck - FWIW, I'm pregnant now and pray that I'll be comfortable enough giving formula if needed to my next one - but having a newborn is hard, and God knows what I'll be telling myself next time!

Ruledbycatsandkids6 · 09/07/2015 16:28

I loved breast feeding and I loved giving up and getting my body back.

Ff isn't a faff at all once you get in the swing of it. It's no more faff than making a cuppa.

Candlefairy101 · 09/07/2015 16:30

Sorry haven't read through all the messages but wanted to quickly ask if you've tried changing your diet while breastfeeding I.e no lactose? I went through hell trying to figure out why my little girl was so ill and all it was was a 'secondary lactose intolerance ' this does mean your bubba will always be lactose intolerant but just temporarily his little stomach may need a break from dairy.

Your probably at your wits end and I completely understand what your going through Confused, read up on secondary lactose intolerance and there's no harm in trying to change your diet for a few days and see if trial and error makes a difference? He'll still be getting all the best nutrients from you including calcium but just not from lactose food/drink.

Hope this helps x

Annarose2014 · 09/07/2015 16:32

You need a break. I had to quit at 6 wks as he wasn't doing well on my breast milk at all (CMPI) & felt agonised about it. However I simply could not believe how much more rest I got with formula as DH suddenly could do as many feeds as he was around for. And I could go have a shower! Also he went from feeding every other hour to going two hours between feeds, which themselves were much much quicker and simpler.Also all his digestive problems went away as his CMPI issue was being treated. It was bliss.

I didn't realise until afterwards how exhausted, stressed and miserable I had been. When it's difficult, it affects you very badly. Takes all the enjoyment out of it. I have to admit I was a lot happier afterwards and really started to enjoy feeding him.

BeaufortBelle · 09/07/2015 16:33

Congratulations. You have done brilliantly and should be very proud of yourself.

If breast feeding isn't working for you then that's absolutely fine. All your baby needs is love and it's easier to give when you are better rested, and feeling happier in yourself.

Childbirth and breastfeeding are miniscule parts of being a mother. You and your son have a long journey ahead of you and any way you can make it a mutually more comfortable journey is good.

leedy · 09/07/2015 16:35

"Yes I believe breastmilk is easier to digest, but does it mean I will be at home for the next 4/6/8 months feeding every couple of hours?"

No, not at all - the feeding all the time round the clock is a newborn thing, I found feeds spaced out a lot around 3 months, and then even more once they were on solids (bar the odd growth spurt). Basically I think a lot of the work in breastfeeding is front-loaded, in that the first couple of months are a LOT of work, then it gets reasonably easy (or did IME).

Still up to you if you want to switch to formula and it's nothing at all to feel guilty about, but just if you don't switch you won't be permanently attached to a baby or pump for the duration of breastfeeding! Also sympathies, having a refluxy baby sounds hellish.

CultureSucksDownWords · 09/07/2015 16:37

If you think that using some or 100% formula is going to improve your DS's situation given the number of things you're juggling then that's a perfectly sensible conclusion.

If you're worried about SIDS then follow all the other advice about it and perhaps get a breathing monitor if that would help you relax.

No one should be pressurising you to do anything that isn't going to help.

BiddyPop · 09/07/2015 16:39

Reflux is HARD. On top of the experience you have already had, it's probably doubly hard.

DD was term, but had reflux. She was EBF, but I spent days covered in vomit, buckets to hand to try to catch it before we covered everything, washing machine going constantly, tumble dryer going when WM wasn't, etc. DH's job was to feed me a good, plain dinner every night, make sure laundry was under control, and take DD to let me snooze a couple of hours in the evening. And he would give bottles of EBM as well. DD was also a very sleepy baby who wasn't interested in feeding much, so I spent a lot of time waking her, stripping her down to make her wake up, and pinching her toes.

Get hold of a sling. It was a lifesaver. Feed the baby, burp, pop in sling and get up to do whatever for half an hour. Then you can put the baby lying down again for the other hour. In the half hour, you have a chance to make a cup of tea (I used to make it into a travel mug and pop the lid on), tidy up the kitchen, put out laundry, say hello to neighbours, walk to shop for the paper, get post from postbox, make a start on my next meal preparations, clean and sterilize bottles....etc.

I also had DD in a high chair reasonably straight up from pretty young (able to hold head) - we got one that had a back that dropped back into 3 different slots, so could be somewhat or a lot reclined as well as straight up. So she was able to use it quite early.

I kept the job of making the bed until after the first feed, and once she was settled (so not the first 10 minutes - most danger time for throwing up), I'd sit her up between loads of pillows, and make the bed around her with sheets flapping and having a game. Then she would sit back a little more while I got dressed myself, and then I'd get her changed and dressed after that as the half hour would be pretty much up.

OTOH, I was pretty well able to cope with that. I really struggled with BF because of the reflux, but we got through. Just. We didn't have a whole load of other meds and things to think about at that stage. And my DM did come up for a bit too, and I was able to get out most days into the fresh air, and DH did a lot every evening and weekend.

DD had days where she had formula. Once she got to crèche (3 months, as I had to go back to work), she was still reflux-y so had some EBM with her daily but always had backup formula powder and bottles ready to mix, and spare clothes. And I also had that space to myself of being back at work - so exhausted, but not just coping with the baby and able to talk real talk, and wear clean clothes for a few hours that would stay clean.

You've already given your DC the best possible start, by BFing. Now that you are over that start, you also need to think about all your needs combined. So if that is having one/two bottle a day of formula, or taking one full day off and seeing what happens, going completely to formula, renting a hospital grade pump and feeding the EBM in a bottle to give you some better control (and let others feed while you rest whenever the chance is there) or seeing if you want to struggle on for another while - any one of those options are absolutely FINE. Even if you do start to move to formula, you may find you need to do it gradually enough so your breasts don't (not literally) explode.

Best of luck. And there are no wrong decisions on this. Flowers

BitandBot · 09/07/2015 16:39

I think some women low BF and some don't. And thats the ones that are able to do it. I didn't like it. It wasn't a bonding experience for me. I feel sad about that but its not defined me as a parents or made any difference to my DC in the end that I stopped.

Becauseicannes · 09/07/2015 16:42

My first child had bad reflux so I sympathize - it's extremely hard. formula was not kept down either. saying that, it is incredibly stressful to be in your situation and you should not feel guilty to try things that you think will make it easier for you. expressing to feed is very exhausting - been there, done that with lots of medication. Looking back, I feel that Formula feeding would have been easier by giving me a lifeline - that people could help with the feeding. I did only breastmilk for 3 months and when I went to the doctor for advice I was guilted by the doctor for wanting to introduce 1 bottle of formula a day. do what you can to help yourself. Get some sleep. And try to enjoy your baby.

Beautifulhorizon · 09/07/2015 16:44

I couldn't breastfeed my DC. I felt terrible about it, wracked with guilt for letting them down, a failure as a mother the whole shebang. They were FF from birth, thrived and have always appeared to be as healthy as is possible. The most sickly children in my circle of aquaintances happen to have been BF.

If you need to introduce FF do it and forget the guilt.

Chunkymonkey79 · 09/07/2015 16:44

I will put it bluntly.

Stop feeling guilty. It really won't help anybody. Formula isn't poisonSmile

As long as the baby is being fed what does it matter whether it is breast or formula? The point is, you have tried to breastfeed and if you feel you need to try something else, do it.

duckydinosaur · 09/07/2015 16:44

YABU... Breastmilk is best for your tiny baby... why even consider a less optimal solution for your precious baby when you have no real need to.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 09/07/2015 16:45

You must do what's right for you and your baby. You may feel guilt at first if you move to FF but it's unlikely to last if your life is made easier!

I have witnessed parents going slowly insane with reflux babies, the lack of sleep is a killer! You have my sympathy. But it does get easier, I promise!

If you do choose to keep breastfeeding however, that will get easier too. Yes it's hard being the only one who can feed your child and you can feel tied down by that. But it steadies out and gaps between feeds become bigger.

Good luck whatever you decide!

Notgoodwithwords · 09/07/2015 16:46

Your baby.. Your choice Grin

BitandBot · 09/07/2015 16:47

Ignore ducky dinosaur.Your baby will thrive whatever you do. Actually if you can sort the reflux with formula for example special brands your baby would be better off.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 09/07/2015 16:48

Another thought - you could combine breast and formula to give yourself a break?

As things calm down and the reflux improves you could EBF again.

Chunkymonkey79 · 09/07/2015 16:49

How sanctimonious of you Ducky. Helpful comments to a struggling mother.

hiccupgirl · 09/07/2015 16:50

Do what is going to work for you not for everyone else....no one else has to be there 24/7 looking after your baby. You have given him the best start possible but if it's getting to you and that's affecting how you feel about your relationship with your baby then IMO it's time to at least do some mixed feeding if not completely move over to FF. Just be aware it may not help with the reflux or the frequencies of the feeds but at least someone else can feed him too.

My DS was FF from 3 days old due to a total failure to latch and no interest in feeding. He wasn't much better on bottles to start with but at least DH could help too. He is a strapping 5 yr old who is rarely ill and we have a brilliant relationship.