To not have given up my seat

[bookbag40]

End of year show at school today. I was going on my own as husband couldn't get time off work.

So all the parents pile into the hall and I spot a lone seat on the front row I nabbed it quickly as both sons had a good role and I really wanted to get a good view.

About 30 seconds after I had sat down the lady I was sat next to turned to me and said excuse me we are saving that seat for my MIL. I said oh we can't reserve seats and continued to sit there.

Then she said but we want to sit together as a family. Again I said that you couldn't reserve seats at the show. Of course by this time seats were filling up and the only seats were further back and I didn't want to move and didn't feel I should have to.
Anyway the MIL came over and I just ignored her looking straight ahead. She eventually got a seat further back and the lady next to me continued to huff and puff and shoot me dirty glances through the show.
I think was in the right but she clearly thought I was unreasonable - surely its first come first serve and she couldn't demand that I moved!

It is also much more important for the OP's child to see the only parent who was able to attend there, than for the other child to see a grandparent among who knows how many relatives.

"If he put nothing on the seat and you took no action to save the seat and allowed someone to sit down and make themselves comfy you would have lost the seat through negligence"

Well the OP has herself said she nabbed the seat quickly and that the other person took 30 seconds to say something. It's not so much "you snooze you lose" as "you blink you lose".

And why is there an assumption that grandmother was part of a large group? We have no evidence it was any more than 3 people together in this case, regardless of other people's experience of having to cope with Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

The OP may have been reasonable, but she wasn't particularly kind.

If you go early you get the best seats. I never went early so I realised that I wouldn't get the front row. I didn't turn up near the start and expect to remove someone's grandmother- saying 'I am entitled because I am a mother and you are only a grandmother'!

I think putting a bag or coat over the chair as a place holder is a bit of a red herring in this situation.

The OP was very clear that you cannot "reserve" seats at this event. She said this twice to the other parent.

Putting a bag or coat over a chair to signal that it's taken is neither here nor there if OP interprets this move as "reserving" a seat, which she says is not allowed.

YANBU. And because I can be rude I would have flipped her off after all the glares and huffing. But maybe that would not have helped the situation....

if the actual timing was that you sat down while she was talking or looking the other way but said something as soon as she realised/plucked up courage then she wasn't being unreasonable

Neither were you really, just a bit unpleasant

I started to type, realised I was just basically retyping this ^^

I see the 'well done OP, it was your seat' camp, but place myself firmly in the '…but why not be nice, eh?' one.

I would have moved. It's nice for family groups to be able to sit together.

It may be nice for large groups to sit together, but they shouldn't have allowed the op to sit for 30s (it's actually a fairly long time) and lose other good seats because they couldn't be arsed to tell her right away or actually put something on the seat.
They weren't particularly kind either when they told her it was reserved instead of asking the op politely.
It works both ways.

"They weren't particularly kind either when they told her it was reserved instead of asking the op politely"

Except that, according to the OP (who seems to have left the building) that's not how they phrased it. They started by saying "excuse me we are saving that seat for my MIL" which seems polite enough. The OP then said "oh we can't reserve seats" to which they replied "but we want to sit together as a family". On the face of it, that doesn't seem rude to me.

Meaning she should move.

They didn't ask her to move. As in would you be so kind to let us have that seat even though we didn't put anything to mark it was meant for someone and we let you sit there for a while before deciding to let you know you should look for somewhere else when most people had already found a seat.

YANBU

But I would move as I am a coward.

Our school has a 2 person policy for events, apart from sports day where however many can come along.

And of course parents trump grandparents any day. Who would think otherwise???

I think this is pretty harsh. As a child, my parents worked nights. If my grandmother hadn't made the effort to come to my various events at school, then I'd have had no one. Not every child has parents available to come, and the person supporting the child has as much right to a reasonable seat as anyone else who attends.

Whoever gets the seat first is the one to have it- you really can't turf someone out saying 'I trump you'!
All a bit late now because you got your seat. Probably some people would have done the same and some of us would just have moved.

If grandma was just popping to the loo YWBU. If she actually hadn't arrived yet then YWNBU.

This 'seat bagging' drives me nuts. I am in awe of your chutzpah, because you did exactly what I want to do in these situations but am too much of a wimp.

I'm late to the party here and thank fuck the school play is part if my ds's history, all grown up here.

Fair do's OP, glad you ignored her huffing and sly dirty glances, no reason for you to have shifted, not as if you rugby tackled MiL to get first dibs on the seat.