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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not have given up my seat

140 replies

bookbag40 · 08/07/2015 20:54

End of year show at school today. I was going on my own as husband couldn't get time off work.

So all the parents pile into the hall and I spot a lone seat on the front row I nabbed it quickly as both sons had a good role and I really wanted to get a good view.

About 30 seconds after I had sat down the lady I was sat next to turned to me and said excuse me we are saving that seat for my MIL. I said oh we can't reserve seats and continued to sit there.

Then she said but we want to sit together as a family. Again I said that you couldn't reserve seats at the show. Of course by this time seats were filling up and the only seats were further back and I didn't want to move and didn't feel I should have to.
Anyway the MIL came over and I just ignored her looking straight ahead. She eventually got a seat further back and the lady next to me continued to huff and puff and shoot me dirty glances through the show.
I think was in the right but she clearly thought I was unreasonable - surely its first come first serve and she couldn't demand that I moved!

OP posts:
CrystalHaze · 09/07/2015 11:46

That's the nub of it for me - no bag or coat, and the other lady didn't say anything until OP had been sitting there for a little while. Odd. Surely if it was taken you'd say 'sorry, someone's sitting there' as soon as the OP went to sit down, not a few minutes after they'd sat down? Confused

Janette123 · 09/07/2015 11:50

OP,
I'm also torn on this one.
On the one hand if the seats weren't reserved then technically there was no problem with you sitting there. Also the other person should have said straight away that they were "saving" the seat for someone.

Personally, I always ask the person next to an empty seat "Is anyone sitting here" (which is really a stupid question when you think about it as it's obvious there is no-one in it !!) The person will then say "No" or "I'm saving it for x, y, z" and I'll move.

Maybe get there a bit earlier next time ?

Pumpkinpositive · 09/07/2015 12:11

Then she said but we want to sit together as a family. Again I said that you couldn't reserve seats at the show.

This bit. You'd already said that you couldn't reserve seats at the event.

So when the lady said that she wanted to sit with her MIL, she wasn't ignoring your prior comment about seat reservations. She was asking that you do her a nice turn by relinquishing the seat, regardless of the what "rules" are about reserving seats.

She has every right to ask you to do her a favour. (you don't indicate that she was rude when asking?) You have ever right to refuse to move, which you did.

I'm tended to think this was a bit petty and mean on the OP's part. Not a major offence, so I can why it divided opinion, but I like to think I'd just have shifted and let grandma sit with the rest of her family. Confused

queentroutoftroutss · 09/07/2015 12:48

yanbu, she was being entitled.

FryOneFatManic · 09/07/2015 13:21

I have to say I'm pretty much on the OP's side here.

My youngest DC is about to leave his primary school, and I've lost count of the number of shows (with all DCs at primary) where I've seen very little, because the same few extended families have hogged the front 2-3 rows every time. I've felt so sorry for mine and other kids who have been frantically scanning the audience for their parents, who have ended up in an out of the way seat at the back

The school has tried the 2 tickets per family thing, but somehow those families still managed to get more tickets.

Parents of the children should most definitely get priority over other family members.

Tizwailor · 09/07/2015 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daisywellies · 09/07/2015 13:39

I think you were being a bit unreasonable as it was only one seat. If they had thrown their coats over 4-5 seats in the front row for family arriving later then they definitely would have deserved to have been told where to go.

But I think I would have moved in this situation.

Mind you, I think schools need to have rules about reserving seats at school plays. eg seats can't be reserved in the front rows, no more than 2 seats can be reserved, all reserved seats must be relinquished once the hall fills up/5 minutes before commencement of the show. It would allow for situations where a family want to sit together but can't all arrive at once, while not allowing selfish hogging of prime seats for people who wander in at the last minute.

honeyroar · 09/07/2015 13:48

I think that you were BU. I don't think that parents trump grandmothers! Not many people would have had coats in the middle of summer.. It's a shame it is needed, but the ticket idea is probably the way forward, and banning people standing up to take photos!

Original poster
bookbag40 · 09/07/2015 14:00

Just to clarify she spoke to me in quite a rude way as though I had to move for her. Her tone was fairly imperious!

Had she said something along the lines of "I'm really sorry I was hoping my mother could sit there. Is there anyway that you would mind moving, I would really appreciate it" I might of been more accommodating!

OP posts:
HuftysTrain · 09/07/2015 14:01

Sorry OP I spotted a lone seat and nabbed it quickly makes me think you knew what you were doing.

You've got balls, I'll give you that.

PrivatePike · 09/07/2015 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrystalHaze · 09/07/2015 14:24

I don't think that parents trump grandmothers!

Parents that are actually there trump grandmothers who are not there.

HuftysTrain · 09/07/2015 14:31

They should clamp down on all the trumping if you ask me.

Spog · 09/07/2015 14:35

yanbu.
i admire your moxy.

HeyDuggee · 09/07/2015 15:05

I think the lady took 30 seconds to say something as she was gobsmacked that the OP just swooped in and parked herself next to her without even the courtesy to ask if the seat was empty. I'm chuckling picturing her elbowing a slow-moving elder lady out of her way as she raced to her holy grail. Grin just kidding about the last bit, OP.

goshhhhhh · 09/07/2015 15:14

I think you were petty. 30 secs is hardly ages & you could have easily have moved. If you didn't have doubts you wouldn't of come on here for validation.

Lurkedforever1 · 09/07/2015 16:47

If op could easily have moved then why didn't the seat saver move to one of the other equally good options? I don't think parents always trump grandparents, but I think the first 2 adult relatives actually there for any child trump all but the first 2 of any Walton like horde, and especially any waltons that haven't yet arrived. Although in my experience the waltons do all arrive in time, but branch off, some outside incase a parking spot even closer to the door becomes available, some to mingle and share stories involving their own superiority, some to accost members of staff to fish for compliments/ complain, several to practice best camera position and the rest seat hogging and unloading their Mary poppins like bag with various ploys to keep their litter of young entertained quietly when their child is on stage, with more lively pursuits reserved for any other childs moment. I'm so glad it's now tickets at ours.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 09/07/2015 16:59

I think that saving a seat while someone pops to the loo is totally ok. They should have put a bag on the seat though.

You should have asked.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/07/2015 17:12

Seat saving is bloody rude. As is taking the entire family to a school play. Bonkers behaviour. I love the idea of random seat allocation on the day mentioned further up the thread. That would totally piss on many bonfires :o

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 09/07/2015 18:16

Ok so if DH and I go to a school play and I say "hon, I need to go to the toilet, will you save my seat" that is "bloody rude"??

Pumpkinpositive · 09/07/2015 18:40

I'm not even sure I understand what "reserved seats" actually means in this context. Confused

I usually understand reserving seats to mean, you phone up the venue in advance of the event and say, "right Jeeves, I want three of your best seats, front row in the stalls, seats A-G, no pillars blocking the view."

Obviously you can't do this with a school play.

But to turn up on the day, high ho it into the hall in good time, sit down and "save" a single seat for a relative who has popped to the loo/to get a drink/whatever (since OP has no idea where grandma was)?

Is that "reserving seats"? Really?

Isn't that what most people would do for a companion who is on site (because OP doesn't know otherwise) but has momentarily nipped off/late in?

In those circumstances, I'm not sure I'd react all that kindly to someone parroting "can't reserve seats, can't reserve seats" at me.

It all seems a bit... unnecessary.

Pumpkinpositive · 09/07/2015 18:45

"right Jeeves, I want three of your best seats, front row in the stalls, seats A-G, no pillars blocking the view."

Arithmetic was never my strong suit, before any smart arse one points out my deliberate mistake.

Blush
FuckitFay · 10/07/2015 07:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 10/07/2015 07:08

excuse me we are saving that seat for my MIL.

Erm... no you are not. You are telling me that you are, but there were no signs that the seat was taken in anyway.

And of course parents trump grandparents any day. Who would think otherwise???

If the woman was so upset about MIL she should have given up her own seat. And learn how to properly save a seat next time.

Nargles · 10/07/2015 07:12

I think you were 'in the right' but kind of mean. Personally I would have moved.