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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have any friends?

129 replies

WhatsTheT · 08/07/2015 11:05

I am starting to feel like me and my OH are a bit strange? lol

My OH and I are both in our late 20s with a 7 mo

I have facebook friends, who are all friends from when I was around 18-22 and a few old school friends They are all very close knit, some with children, some without. They all go out in the evening and do daytime activities together all the time. I get invited, but I never bother, and when I do, I never enjoy it and I am just thinking about what I could do in my own time.
My OH is exactly the same (he doesn't even have social networking) and has about 2 friends plus his cousin who he will see every couple of months. He's also very close with his family.

We both either like doing our own thing alone or together, crafts, board games, computer games, walks, days out, museums, galleries, football...etc we really enjoy eachothers company and have since before we are a couple. (we've been together for years and friends longer then that)

We have always been this way. In fact that's how we met, in the corner of a party we really didn't want to be at lol.

So anyway to get to the point. A few days ago a friend messaged me asking me to come to night out someone was having, who I had met once. She explained "everyone will be going" so doesn't really matter that I don't know the host. I said no thanks....etc and she gave me an outburst of nonesense about me making myself a social outcast, that it's bad for the baby (I was invited to a bloody nightclub!?) I do take my baby to the children's centre for play sessions and she starts nursery soon when I go back to work, so I am not forcing her into a closed off life. She was a very very close friend, I thought we would eventually be close again when I was pregnant, as she has children, and thought we would bond over that, but she only seems to do social things with adults, and never any children friendly days out, which I would be happy to be involved in.

Everything they do involves money and I have none, they offer to lend but I really dont ever want to have to budget nights out and drinking and clothes into the little money I have spare that I spend on my hobbies.

I do sometimes look at facebook, see them all and think I'm missing out. But usually the idea of it all is much more fun than doing it, and the odd time I do give in and go to something, I'm pretty much a wall flower counting down the time til I can make my excuses and leave.

I do try and make an effort with them as in suggesting a brew or popping to their houses or a phone call, or taking the kids on a walk in the buggies, but they are only interested in big group activities they can brag about. So I rarely get a response.

I really dont want to be bothered anymore. I like being alone. Is that so wrong?

OP posts:
Katy1368 · 08/07/2015 19:31

Friends are overated IMO, I LOVE my own company, my idea of heaven is a whole week to myself seeing no-one, pottering around doing exactly what I want. Would miss DD a bit and would be very happy to chat to my mum on the phone but the house all to myself...bliss.

MeetMyCat · 08/07/2015 21:12

I do concede there are times When socialising can be very draining - I had a really manic day at work today (manic in a good way, but still crazy busy) and there simply wasn't enough 'me' left over to do any socialising this evening. So I'm perfectly happy, and relieved, to be having a quiet night with DH. The thought of having to go out and converse/make an effort would have been a bridge too far tonight.

That said, I still maintain its healthy to mix, so I pursue my "At least one social engagement per week" plan, and I think it's good for me.

I also joined our local Meet-up a few months ago, and am attending one event per month. It's great 'no commitment, dip in and out' socialising, and you never know who may cross your path.

stayanotherday · 08/07/2015 22:48

Yanbu. I have a few people as I am introverted and have been let down too many times. You're better off.

Roussette · 08/07/2015 23:23

Surely it boils down to the fact that what suits some doesn't suit others? It would be my idea of hell to be off clubbing and taking selfies with friends and I don't have friends that would want to do that anyway.

However, friends (if they are on the same wavelength) can greatly enrich your life. Mine do, but they are special, I've known them decades, there are only a couple (the rest are casual friends and acquaintances) and they will be with me - and I them - for life. Friendship doesn't have to be about doing what you don't want to do and feeling forced into situations not of your choosing - if that's the case, they aren't real friends because true friendship is just not like that, it's all about give and take. As much as I for one respect your choice in life OP, do respect those of us for whom true friends are an integral part of our lives that we couldn't do without. And don't rule it out for yourself forever.

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