To not have any friends?

[WhatsTheT]

I am starting to feel like me and my OH are a bit strange? lol

My OH and I are both in our late 20s with a 7 mo

I have facebook friends, who are all friends from when I was around 18-22 and a few old school friends They are all very close knit, some with children, some without. They all go out in the evening and do daytime activities together all the time. I get invited, but I never bother, and when I do, I never enjoy it and I am just thinking about what I could do in my own time.
My OH is exactly the same (he doesn't even have social networking) and has about 2 friends plus his cousin who he will see every couple of months. He's also very close with his family.

We both either like doing our own thing alone or together, crafts, board games, computer games, walks, days out, museums, galleries, football...etc we really enjoy eachothers company and have since before we are a couple. (we've been together for years and friends longer then that)

We have always been this way. In fact that's how we met, in the corner of a party we really didn't want to be at lol.

So anyway to get to the point. A few days ago a friend messaged me asking me to come to night out someone was having, who I had met once. She explained "everyone will be going" so doesn't really matter that I don't know the host. I said no thanks....etc and she gave me an outburst of nonesense about me making myself a social outcast, that it's bad for the baby (I was invited to a bloody nightclub!?) I do take my baby to the children's centre for play sessions and she starts nursery soon when I go back to work, so I am not forcing her into a closed off life. She was a very very close friend, I thought we would eventually be close again when I was pregnant, as she has children, and thought we would bond over that, but she only seems to do social things with adults, and never any children friendly days out, which I would be happy to be involved in.

Everything they do involves money and I have none, they offer to lend but I really dont ever want to have to budget nights out and drinking and clothes into the little money I have spare that I spend on my hobbies.

I do sometimes look at facebook, see them all and think I'm missing out. But usually the idea of it all is much more fun than doing it, and the odd time I do give in and go to something, I'm pretty much a wall flower counting down the time til I can make my excuses and leave.

I do try and make an effort with them as in suggesting a brew or popping to their houses or a phone call, or taking the kids on a walk in the buggies, but they are only interested in big group activities they can brag about. So I rarely get a response.

I really dont want to be bothered anymore. I like being alone. Is that so wrong?

If friendships had to involve clubbing, then I wouldn't bother!!! My friendships involve coffee, lunch, white wine, supper, shopping - definitely not clubbing!

Yep definitely no clubbing for me either! White wine however I can get behind....

molyholy

How stupid to take offense to a comment that isn't directly aimed at you, I also said some live and let live, and some are the same, other people cannot get their head around it.

That isn't patronising, it is a fact, you only have to read some of the comments that deem people who are friendless as sad and lonely.

It's not an offensive comment. I'm sure they agree they can't get their head around somebody being happy not having friends.

Take it as you want and keep your nickers in that twist.

MeetMyCat

Very wise words from your fellow posters in the past! :)

My average is about once every 3 months. :) a bit less than yours lol!

I'm a whisky drinker, but If I'm forced to drink wine I suppose I will eyeroll haha

I thought I had twisted knickers the other day, then realised I was wearing a thong :/

I didn't think ot was aimed at me. Sorry if you have taken it that way. Its just that youhave been going on and on are you unreasonable to not want friends. Some people have suggested maybe you would be better off making some frienda and tou have basically said you dont want to as you are so happy without for the time being. I have wondered what you wanted from this thread. If you need validation that you are not odd (your words), maybe you are not as okay with it as you think you are.

And I am going commando today so put that in ya pIpe and smoke it

OP - I don't think you're sad and lonely by any means.

BUT, my life has been better since I cultivated a few friendships like someone else said...

having said that though, I have not had a proper best friend friendship for years, I let someone get close about 5 years ago who shat on me from a big height so now I consciously distance myself away from those.

i agree with clubbing it is whatever makes you happy whether crafting etc but I suppose my point is - is that if you DO want to craft and invite someone along who says yes but has an agenda then either you have to look at the friendship or what they don't want to do (the craft). In your shoes I would not necessarily ditch the friendship but maybe cultivate more friendships if you so wanted to, through genuine interests (like crafts) rather than someone who comes along because there's nothing else to do and has a different agenda.

anyway pointless banging on about this. Glad you feel better and hope you didn't feel I was getting at you. I just felt very sorry for my mum's/family friend P who didn't die alone but was lonely and unhappy. I am sure you won't be like this though, not everyone is. and hers was a complex situation made worse by illness and the loss of her right hand (nerve endings not actual hand!) due to an accident.

moly totally agree with what you say.

If you need validation that you are not odd (your words), maybe you are not as okay with it as you think you are.

Why do I get a goady tone from you? IT's almost as if you need there to be a right and wrong (and for me to admit that I am the wrong). I told the story in my OP. My friend had words with me, and I wondered if people agreed with her (and others who have criticised the way I do/don't socialise) or if others are the same.

Just because I wanted to see if there are people like me, doesn't mean I am unhappy with myself.

It was for opinions... that's all, responding to those people who may have got the wrong end of the stick about what I said or may have suggested things that are not true does not mean I may as well have not posted.

In fact, I have found it useful.

Apols if I gave you that vibe. Not being goady. That's not my style. I just didn't understand why you posted in aibu. That's all.

My parents are quite a lot like you. They're very happy in each others' company and don't really see much of a need to socialise with others outside their respective hobbies.

It's worked for them for over 40 years and there's no reason it won't work for you, too.

I agree with superfly and moly. I'm genuinely not trying to get at you OP, and I'm sorry if it seems that way.

I just think that it's relatively common for women who are young and busy with their relationship and with children to not feel the need for friendships. My point is that while this can feel fine in your late 20s, when you are vaguely in touch with a bunch of people, have a great relationship with your DH, are run off your feet with your kids and also feel that you have plenty of time in the future to do other things and meet people, it might feel very different when you are older, don't have that youthful optimistic sense that you can do anything, don't see your kids very often, have maybe been out of work for a while, maybe have problems in your relationship or other life difficulties, and have no social contact and no one at all to share your life with. I think that most people, even if they are a bit introverted, would find a situation like that very difficult. I think that you actually haven't experienced that kind of profound friendlessness and am just trying to caution you that getting stuck in isolation can creep up on people in your situation and be extremely unpleasant.

I actually get the feeling from your posts that you are fed up with the people you know because they are either flakey or only interested in clubbing etc. I agree with superfly that not wanting to be friends with those people is not the same as not finding any kind of friendship valuable. I think she's given some really good advice about exploring the possibility of finding friends who are a bit more on your wavelength.

I don't think anybody has said that you are wrong, OP. A number of people disagree with your assertion that you will absolutely always be happy with no friends at all, regardless of future circumstances - but hey, each to his own.

There is something slightly condescending in your comparisons between friendships - involving binge drinking and wild parties - and your solitary pursuits - museums and worthy crafts. I have friends I visit museums and historical sites with, and have never seen the inside of a club with - they are beneficial to me because they bring another paradigm of knowledge and background to those sorts of events for me. I'm a big fan of my own company too, but sometimes select company can broaden you outlook beyond the limitations of your own experience and knowledge. It isn't just about having someone to pout with on social media.

I also think your definition of "friends" is perhaps a little different to some other posters. I wouldn't consider your current "friends" to be friends any more- they're just people you once knew. That's fine. Some friends come and go with certain times in our lives, and there is no point clinging onto them when there's nothing left between you. Move on, seek new friends, or not as your circumstances and mood dictates. But don't dismiss the concept of friends on the basis that those you know now aren't remotely appropriate for the person you are now.

Hell is other people, OP!

im a natural loner and im quite happy with it. im also happy in the realisation that others arnt and need more of a social life. like you op, ive always been the same and quite unlike my siblings. its only in the last two or three years ive realised im happy with it and wont be forced into situations I hate.

Hi OP, I agree with the peeps who are saying that friendships are valuable even for those happy on their own. I think you are bring a little disingenuous saying you don't want friends, as you have invited people over to yours for coffee and crafting. I think that if you found a couple of friends to do crafting etc with, it would really add to your life.
(Also, only half joining to say I'm heartily sick of hearing on mn about all these 'introverts' who are happy doing stuff just with their DP and DCs....see how introverted you are if DP leaves and you are stuck at home with DCs and no friends night after night after night) - sorry that's my issue!!

Half joking not half joining !