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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want people to do the washing up when they come round for dinner?

68 replies

CruCru · 07/07/2015 15:36

I have an acquaintance who always insists on doing the washing up when she and her husband come round for dinner. I hate this.

Partly because I invite someone round for the pleasure of their company so them going off to wash up doesn't achieve this. Partly (and more selfishly), because she is always really quite pissed and doesn't do a great job so I end up redoing it.

I've asked her repeatedly not to but she just won't stop. At one point the "menfolk" went off together to look at something and it was just me and her. With her washing up. Badly. AIBU?

OP posts:
00100001 · 07/07/2015 15:46

Use disposable cutlery/plates next time :P

Original poster
CruCru · 07/07/2015 15:47

Ah, very good.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 07/07/2015 15:49

You need to make it absolutely plain to her when she's sober - tell her it's very kind of her but you just want to relax after the meal and you can't if she's doing the dishes.

Do you have a kitchen diner? Where do you eat? I'd be tempted to lock her out!

BackInTheRealWorld · 07/07/2015 15:51

What's the difference between you washing them in the first place and rewashing them after her? Just let her wash them first. You still get to wash them to your standard after and she gets to feel like she is showing her appreciation of your lovely meal. It's not that big a deal surely?

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd · 07/07/2015 15:52

Maybe she wants to come to mine? Grin

00100001 · 07/07/2015 15:52

I concur realworld

Just let her get on with, have a natter whilst she's splashing about :)

Original poster
CruCru · 07/07/2015 15:55

We have a dining room but the kitchen is much lighter (and nicer) so on nice evenings we eat in there. When DH cooks, he likes to have company.

Well, I thought I had made it clear - at one point I physically pulled her away from the sink - but she just wouldn't stop.

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 07/07/2015 15:55

YANBU. I am extremely upright about washing up and I hate the way most people do it. 99% of people don't do it to my standards (everything washed one item at a time under very hot running water and then left to air dry.) Obviously, I have put up with this everywhere except my house.

Original poster
CruCru · 07/07/2015 15:59

I do see your point realworld but it makes me feel like a poor hostess. She also put things that don't go in the dishwasher (good knives, saucepans) in there so I have to keep a close eye to make sure she doesn't switch it on.

This morning I found the glasses shed washed up in the cupboard and they still had loads of lipstick on them. So I ended up going through the cupboard and redoing all the stuff she'd done.

It just seems so pointless to have to wash things up a second time.

OP posts:
drinkscabinet · 07/07/2015 15:59

I don't like people washing dishes at my house either. I tolerate my Mum and siblings doing it because they do it to an acceptable standard (and stay with us for long enough that they are washing up after normal meals rather than a nice meal with alcohol). Everyone else can piss off, after I've had a nice meal with friends (that I've spent all day cooking and preparing for) I want to get slowly pissed on the sofa drinking port, I don't want to immediately start tidying up. No, just leave it for me and DH to do after you have left in the morning.

Anyway, in your case OP, since the menfolk disappear what you should do is go with them and leave her on her own. She might get the message then.Not that I'd be brave enough to do that

Collaborate · 07/07/2015 16:02

Hide the washing up liquid. And the cloths.

CremeEggThief · 07/07/2015 16:03

I love that tip, Collaborate Grin

Original poster
CruCru · 07/07/2015 16:05

Well, I would but going off with the men also feels rude (plus they're often looking at something I'm not interested in). I think the reason I'm narked is that I don't want to start cleaning up while the men do off and do "men's things" and I feel as though I'm meant to be grateful. I'm only really grateful for help that is helpful. This isn't.

OP posts:
BackInTheRealWorld · 07/07/2015 16:44

Tell the men to do the washing up while you and her get to relax!

ImLizawithaZ · 07/07/2015 16:46

You do the washing up while she drys.

Original poster
CruCru · 07/07/2015 17:01

I'm not very keen on things being dried. I think the air is cleaner than most tea towels.

OP posts:
MewlingQuim · 07/07/2015 17:05

I also hate it if guests try to wash up. I invited them for a chat not to watch them do the chores Confused

It took a while for DMIL to learn that we don't immediately wash up, she expects it and had carefully trained DH to wash up after meals when he lived at home, but in our house dishes are washed first thing in the morning this is because the kitchen lighting is crap and anything washed in the evening will need done again in the daylight .

I do think it is a but rude to expect guests to do housework, but probably DMIL thinks I am rude for not offering. Is there a thread on here 'AIBU to expect my DIL to wash up when she comes for a meal?' Grin

CakeLady1 · 07/07/2015 17:18

Urgh! People who don't rinse detergent off & rub the water around with a sodden tea towel & think they're 'helping'. But at least she's trying to show you how grateful she is for you lovely cooking. I'd be pissed off if she offered to help cook because I'm doing it wrong...
sigh but if only more people offered (I won't hijack this thread as an in laws rant!)

Pengweng · 07/07/2015 17:24

URGHHHH I hate it when my mum tries to wash up as she does a horrendous job and i have to do it all again anyway when she goes to bed (comes and stays every other month for a few days)

YANBU!

KoalaDownUnder · 07/07/2015 17:26

YANBU. I hate it too!

I have one friend the same: fills the sink with a couple of inches of lukewarm water and a tiny dash of detergent, and slops everything around. FFS, sit down and finish the wine and talk shite with me instead!

TheMotherOfAllDilemmas · 07/07/2015 17:28

I really hate it when people offer to do the washing up at the end of the night.

I'm tired, I have probably spent most of the afternoon in the kitchen, I just want people to leave happy (or just leave, if I'm too tired) and let me go to sleep. I can fill the dishwasher without help and have the house sorted up within 10 minutes, if they insist it takes another hour.

In the past, I used to tell people that in my culture, washing up at night brings bad luck to the house dwellers. It worked wonderfully for years.

MokunMokun · 07/07/2015 17:30

Actually, I think hiding the washing up liquid, sponge etc might be the way to go.

If you've told her not to then she is being really rude. Perhaps you need to be blunt to the point of rudeness back?

Mutt · 07/07/2015 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lateswim16 · 07/07/2015 17:34

Yes I hard it too. My kitchen is my space and I don't want another woman nosing in there for whatever reason. Couldn't hear a cleaner. Hideous.

Yes agree with Mutt tell her when she's sober and be absolutist straight. If she does it again it's her last invite.

Lateswim16 · 07/07/2015 17:35

Jesus bloody phone.

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