To not want people to do the washing up when they come round for dinner?

[CruCru]

I have an acquaintance who always insists on doing the washing up when she and her husband come round for dinner. I hate this.

Partly because I invite someone round for the pleasure of their company so them going off to wash up doesn't achieve this. Partly (and more selfishly), because she is always really quite pissed and doesn't do a great job so I end up redoing it.

I've asked her repeatedly not to but she just won't stop. At one point the "menfolk" went off together to look at something and it was just me and her. With her washing up. Badly. AIBU?

Try having a DH who insists on washing up between courses, to my mind it destroys the ambience of the evening.

Could you maybe invite a mate round next time who will back you up with a bit of 'Cru said LEAVE IT, now sit down here and help us finish these wines you silly mare thing. Cru dahling this Reeojah is ABSOLUTELY top notch. Where on EARTH did you find it? ...Aldi? NO WAY!'

Otherwise yes, I think restaurant ways is right ways. Or would she disappear off round the back with her pinny and start clearing up badly there too?

YANBU - I find it really rude and annoying. If I say 'that's really kind but no thank you, have a glass of wine and relax' that's what I mean.

Ask her if she'd like to be my friend. not helpful

That's not a bad idea Notgrumpy.

YANBU, that's really annoying. There's something quite passive-aggressive about it- "ooh, look at me, I'm just so naturally helpful and domesticated I can't help it".

Can I add to the list people who say "can I bring something?" when you invite them to dinner. And you say "no, don't worry, I've got everything covered", but they bring some crappy shop-bought dessert anyway, and you have to serve it to be polite, leaving the pudding you spent all bloody afternoon slaving and stressing over to lurk in the fridge and make you feel guilty one way or the other for the next three days. GAAAAH.

Cru I'm glad you like it! If nothing else it might change the dynamics and you'd have someone to carry on getting pissed relaxing with while your dinner goes down. I love Mumsnet, every day there's a free Passive Aggressive Masterclass on some thread or other

I've never had anyone bring a dessert to a meal unless asked. That seems really odd. In future I'd just ask them to bring a box of chocolates to eat with coffee. I suspect if someone did bring an extra pudding I'd serve it with mine offering a choice making it obvious I had sorted out pudding but still offering theirs. I'd probably feel obliged to choose their pudding out of politeness but it does seem odd. I wouldn't even bring cheese unless asked.

Next time hide your washing up liquid then when she's looking for it declare "oh bugger I forgot I used the last of it earlier, not to worry I'll pop out in the morning. Now let's sit down with this wine"

I think YABU.
If you are worried about the best china, hide it when you clear the table and let her get on with the rest

My MIL drives me mental by insisting on washing up after a meal. I have a dishwasher but she insists of washing them in the sink and leaves it all to dry on the draining board. If she runs out of space she puts newspaper down on the floor and leaves the pans to dry there which I hate. I like the dishes put straight away after they've been washed so the kitchen looks tidy.

A couple of weeks ago I told her not to wash the dishes as I would put a second load through the dishwasher. I wasn't feeling well and wanted the kitchen nice and tidy before cooking dinner that evening. She completely disregarded what I'd requested and proceeded to wash up as she normally does. I've stopped her from coming over as she is always undermining and questioning my judgement not just over dishes but other things too. I feel I need a break from her

Guests SIT DOWN please, I do not want your help, there is nothing to help with, it's all going in the dishwasher later. Then remove everything from the table, like near the dishwasher and sit back down with a bottle of port and some cheese.

I find that works well for my friends :-)

My future DIL always stands at the sink. As I do when they entertain us, it is a nice chatty thing for us away from the testosterone fuelled men.

My DIL is the opposite she is quite happy for the family to clean up after her in her kitchen because she is baby tired, but never lifts a finger in another home. Hubby gets cross because she is such a princess.

You really like your DIL then? Why do you expect her baby tiredness to vanish the moment she leaves the house?

Just shown her your pile of ironing and point out where the iron is, and say you prefer that as thanks (joking mntters!). Op just smile, let her get on with and rewash it after she gone. Shes just trying to help.

Yanbu. To the best of my knowledge this has never happened when I have invited friends round for dinner, but I would hate it too!

As for this from measles64

"My future DIL always stands at the sink. As I do when they entertain us, it is a nice chatty thing for us away from the testosterone fuelled men.

My DIL is the opposite she is quite happy for the family to clean up after her in her kitchen because she is baby tired, but never lifts a finger in another home. Hubby gets cross because she is such a princess."

I can only assume it is some sort of spectacularly unfunny joke?

I don't mind people bringing an extra dessert or a bottle of wine, as long as they bring something good not crappy cheap stuff.

What I can't forgive is the cheapstakes that show up with the cheapest crappiest bottle of wine and then declare they only drink beer. If it is not good enough for them, why would they assume the rest of us would drink it?

I'd be delighted if a visitor offered to help with the washing up. If I declined though (unlikely) then they shouldn't start washing up anyway.