To think I shouldn't have to live off cereal?

[dontrunwithscissors]

DH was made redundant a week ago. For a number of reasons, we've agreed that he will be a SAHP for a year. We can afford to do this, providing we're careful with what we spend.

DH set a food budget of £70 per week to feed the two of us and 2 DD's (5&8). We used to spend a lot more than that (no idea how much) due to the fact we were both running around like headless chickens trying to juggle 2 FT jobs and all the other family stuff.

We've hit £72 so far this week on food and other stuff (bleach, toiletries, toilet roll). I believe we need to increase the budget, and/or exclude non-food items. I've been ill this week so have lived off cereal and fruit--I've only had 2 hot meals. The schools closed for the summer holidays on Friday (in Scotland), so we will need more food for them.

So yesterday, I told him that if we've only just managed to survive this week, we need to increase the budget to £80. We can afford this--we're not so poor to have to skimp on food. DH told me that we will just have to manage. He did this while pulling out a steak pie from the freezer to eat for himself. (I had cereal and the kids had pizza.) I was really pissed and told him that if that was the case, he should put the sodding pie away and feed himself cereal.

When he was made redundant, we agreed he would take on the responsibility for budgeting. However, I believe that if we can't feed ourselves properly, we should eliminate something else from the budget (mobile phone contract or 2nd car). SO, AIBU?

places like b&m, poundland,home bargains and poundstretchers all have branded tins and some food stuffs a lot cheaper than the supermarkets
even for crisps and chocolate they are much cheaper
even farmfooods and iceland do branded stuff (and even some of their own brands are pretty decent)
and even for cleaning stuff and toiletries are much cheaper

meal planning is key here

I think the root of the problem is that neither of you want to cook but I'm afraid it's really the only way to eat both within a budget and imo healthily

Yep

What Nargles said ^^

I spend £60 - £70 weekly, family of four plus cat, all Aldi. We've changed the way we eat. It really is cheaper to cook as much as you can from scratch and once you build up a 'store cupboard' it's better yet.

When we make something like spag bol, we'll portion and freeze extras for quick meals in the week. I'll make a tuna pasta with a load of frozen veg bunged in.

Incidentally since we started shopping at Aldi and stopped buying all manner of processed crap dh and I have both lost weight.

And if dh thinks you're struggling so much, he may need to decide not to be the SAHP and find a job.

Pies and pizzas are cheap in time, expensive in money. As a family, you've implicitly decided against this. No more (UNLESS you're buying pizza bases, as they're an economical and tasty way to use up veg which are beginning to wrinkle and cheese which is getting a bit dry).

On a more feminist note, I'm outraged that SAHMs often have to fight for their status and for financial equity (and he was cooking for himself in the past), yet here's a SAHD managing to disparage the wage earner (suggested I continue with the cereal as it means I'm 'cheap to feed.' FFS)

With regard to his dealing with the psychological shock of redundancy, can't budgeting be a sort of ego-restoring challenge for him? Widening the debate to mobile contracts and the second car sounds sensible. Maybe Martin Lewis's MoneySavingExpert.com would provide him with some male role models who take pride in saving money, seeking out deals, repairing things...

I have to be honest I'm not sure how on earth you're not managing on £70 week. I only have 1 child but I feed us all & a cat for £30-£40 a week and I doubt one extra child would tack on £30 and even if they did its still totally manageable?

£70 is more than enough for a family of your size. Ours is similar, and we spend around £50 per week on groceries and maybe £30 per month on toiletries, cleaning stuff and nappies.

Convenience foods are ridiculously expensive for very poor quality. Simple meals like spag bol, chilli, roasts etc are much better. And definitely one meal for you all. I couldn't be faffing about doing different things for different people.

I couldn't bite my tongue, redundancy or not. But maybe thats just me.

He's adjusting to his new role, perhaps he's feeling low due to his redundancy. When I worked full time I just bought anything I could to save time and it's taken me a long time to adjust to meal planning and proper budgeting. Once I got into it though I found it good fun and now feel a real sense of achievement at how much I can save. He might start to get into it too soon if you talk about it together and share some of the good budgeting advice on this thread and others. You definitely don't need to go hungry.

He isn't a power hungry dick. I think he probably feels flung in at the deep end and is floundering cluelessly.

He was also tactless extremely suggesting that you live on cereal to be cheap to feed.

There was a first time cooking and family budgeting for all of us when we felt clueless. That is where both of you are now, by your admission.

Plenty of us here have been there and can offer advice.

So, he buys himself what he wants to eat, and let you and the kids eat inferior food? Should you not all eat the same?

Sorry but you should not be havjng to live on cereal and have just 2 meals on £70 a week. You need to be looking more carefully about how you shop. My usual Lidl spend is about £75 including 2 bottles of wine and lots of nice bits so could easily bring that in under £70. Last week my Tesco shop was £90 including 2 bottles of wine at £11 for both and a joint of beef for £9. Again, could have easily cut that back.

OK. The main reason why we decided that DH would be a SAHP is because our lives were so hectic with us both working FT. We were constantly running around, barely scraping by with keeping on top of the house, homework, everything. Both of us were constantly stressed & that included the struggle to stay away from convenience foods. It is an understatement to say we were time poor. I was left with more of the kid related stuff (taking time off work when sick etc) because DH worked in the most awful company where he was bullied. It sucked the life out of him and he work some days with chest pains or being sick at the stress. And in case anyone asks why we couldn't manage this--I developed bipolar disorder after DD2. Managing it is a full time job. The stress and tiredness was throwing me into one episode after another. I've been admitted twice this year already. DH was left coping with two kids and caring for me. Each episode threw home life into chaos that took weeks to recover from. It was good fortune that DH was made redundant.

So it's not really a case of not wanting to eat healthily, but we are recovering from a horrible five years and trying to put our lives back toggyer.
Don't mean to drop feed! A question about cereal has turned into a saga n

Reading this I realise I am spending far too much on food....

You're the one who turned it into a saga, OP, with your 'poor me, nothing but cereal because I'd be cheaper to feed' thing.

I'm sorry for your upheaval, I hope that things improve for you as a family asap.

YABU £70 for a family of 4 is definitely doable even with cleaning products and toiletries. Especially lucky if you have an Aldi as an option. It sounds like the cereal was partly out of choice so not entirely DH's fault. However, the cheap to feed comment would not have gone down well here.

All that said it is understandable that your DH is down about being made redundant. It is good that he is happy to take on the role as stay at home Dad. If he has not had a particularly good example of parenting and family life I would suggest it is important to be gently encouraging rather than critical inorder to build up his confidence in his 'new' role. Try not to come across as undermining.

The budgeting/shopping/cooking on a budget is not that complicated once you are used to it, but will take a bit of adjusting. Accept that you aren't going to get it all right on the first shop. If DH is not that confident cooking start with meal planning together. Find things that are easy and at least part prepared and work towards cooking from scratch. Have pasta (20-30p a bag in aldi) and a jar of sauce (40-60p aldi) add in some chopped onion/mushrooms/peppers (what ever is on the aldi super 6). You have a meal for £1-1.50 for all 4 of you. If there are left overs take them for lunch the next day. Then work toward replacing the jar of sauce with tinned toms and garlic and herbs. Batch cook bolognese, chilli etc at the weekend and freeze. Do it together following a recipe so that he can then do it on his own whithout you . We batch cook at the weekend and then during the week just need to defrost and boil pasta/ rice etc. Easy and quick meals like omelet with whatever is in the fridge and boiled peas are also a good dinner. There are lots of threads on here with ideas for meal planning and budgeting. Good luck OP.

Isn't cereal actually quite expensive?!

Oh, gosh, that sounds horrible. However, you're going to end up with a bit of a horrible life even now (less shit than before, but still not optimal), if you don't plan properly....

. No, the situation itself is a saga. I didn't want to throw the bipolar into the OP and make it riduculously long and it wasn't part of the issue. I was asking about how much to feed a family and how to negotiate the change if dynamics with DH being a SAHP.

It was subsequently suggested that we don't want to cookwhich was not raised as a question originallyso I explained the context.

At no point did I suggest that it was 'Poor me'.

I think you need to start working with your dh budget and meal plan wise op. Chips and peas has good advice above if you/dh are not feeling up to cooking from scratch yet.

There's no excuse for being rubbish at cooking basics like pizza bases and pies from scratch. It just takes a decent recipe(free online on BBC etc) and practice to make simple pastry for a pie. Even then readymade sheet pastry can be pretty cheap and can be frozen. If he is a sahd to school age children it really shouldn't be beyond him. Holidays are a good opportunity to learn together too.

Sorry, there were a few x posts while typing up that last message. I'm on my phone with stupid autocorrect.

Ok, sorry OP. Your posts distracted me because you made it sound as if you were being made to eat cereal whilst your husband at steak pie and it wasn't clear about the children either.

Moving on from that; there are lots of cheap and quick meals that are really filling. Do you have a slow cooker? My quick and cheap go-to meals are omelettes, we love them and fillings range from simple to being unable to fold the thing over.

You said that neither of you CAN cook; do you have any dishes that you can make confidently?

OP, if dh does not learn to be a good sahp, this experiment will cause nothing but resentment. I am sorry the last few years have been so hard, but you are refusing to pick up on the positive advice being offered. Dh needs to learn about meal planning, budgeting and cooking. You should learn, too. If you plan make some adjustments to mealtimes and shopping/cooking, you will have a calmer home and a better diet.

No I'm not! Basic message is meal planning...with more care we should be able to manage on £70. There have been some shops mentioned that I didn't know existed.

I'm still not sure how to negotiate the trickier subject of talking to DH without undermining him, but that's a much harder thing to do.

We are on a pretty tight budget.

We spend £280 a month on everything, including nappies, wipes, cat food and litter.

I do a big monthly shop online at asda, and then do weekly topups of bread, milk, fruit, and vegetables at lidl / Tesco. I also buy reduced stuff when I see it.

We meal plan together at the start of the month and I base my shopping on that. We also batch cook and freeze food.

It's going brilliantly. 3 months in and each month I've had enough left for a takeaway or a few bottles of wine.