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Original poster

Sex ed - shaving legs in year 5

700 replies

Candycoco · 02/07/2015 23:24

Have posted in education but posting here for traffic.

Dd came home from school today having had sex ed at school for the past 2 days.

I've always been very open with her and have answered questions as they've come up, so no big revelations this week.

However, she told me today that the boys were taught how to shave by male teacher, and girls were taught how to shave their legs. This just doesn't sit right with me. I know 99% of women do shave their legs and it's something I've already talked to dd about as she asked me last year about it and I told her she has to wait til end of year 6 before she starts secondary to do it.

I just feel it's a bit presumptuous and suggests all girls should. Maybe I'm being bit uptight about it but I don't like the message it sends. Is this normal to teach this as park of sex ed?

Thanks

OP posts:
FirstOfficerDouglasRichardson · 03/07/2015 07:48

I too would have a problem with this. It's sex ed... What does teaching children to remove body hair have to do with anything. They could tell them that they wi grow body hair, that some people choose to remove it and that some people choose not too. And both are acceptable. But to actually 'teach' them how to do it is weird.

Having said that I have heard of schools that demand young boys shave if they are early developers and to be honest this annoys the hell out of me.

Idontseeanydragons · 03/07/2015 08:09

I wouldn't be too bothered by it - it's not a lesson in tarting yourself up for the boys, wouldn't it come under personal hygiene? I'm pretty certain that even when I was having sex ed in the late eighties it was covered then for all of us.
Anyway I'd much prefer it to be taught in schools to make sure everybody actually knows they develop hair in the first place - a couple of weeks ago DD1 came to me in tears because her cousin was dancing around at a party we at shouting loudly to everyone that "xxx has hairy armpits" and teasing her.
Her mum (SIL was mortified: not because her daughter was being a bully but because her 7 year old daughter was 'innocent' and didn't need to know that girls grew hair yet...Hmm
DD1 knows she can shave if she wants but has chosen not to at the moment.
Giving children the knowledge that this is what their body does and that if they choose they can either get rid of it or leave it can't be a bad thing surely?

NobodyLivesHere · 03/07/2015 08:15

My dd shaves her pits and legs. She's 11 and has been for over a year. It's her choice, it's her body. I don't think there's anything wrong in schools teaching kids about the options.

mathanxiety · 03/07/2015 08:23

LOL at Worra's mum.

Mine was like that too. One day when I was about 16 she told me I had the loveliest eyebrows and to never do anything to them, they were gorgeous just as they were, au naturel...

This is what happens when your mum spends her formative teen years away at a boarding school in a remote part of Ireland with only a bunch of nuns to teach you feminine wiles.

There are plenty of mums with bees in their bonnets about their DDs shaving, if they will allow them to shave, what they will shave, and when they will shave it. Many seem to see shaving of armpits or legs as a sign that the next step for their babies is swinging from the chandeliers, hoochie momma style. I agree with exLtEveDallas on this -- some parents see it as sexual and shy away from it, try to put it off, and have all sorts of hangups about it. Some are very adamant about this sort of thing at home and children know better than to bring up the subject if they have questions. School is the perfect alternative source of information therefore.

(My own school's 'Hygiene' talk day way back in the late 1970s was presented by a 'nurse' and was sponsored by Kotex, manufacturers of sanitary pads, samples of which were on view. The 'nurse' told us horror stories of Tampax tampons getting lost 'up there' as if they were potential biological space junk, never to be retrieved if you somehow lost the string. The Talk was about menstrual cycles, sex, pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and hygiene, and included elements such as deodorant, importance of hair washing, wearing clean clothes, face washing, hair care, preventing and treating acne, a balanced diet, adequate sleep.)

HippyPottyMouth · 03/07/2015 08:25

I would love to have been taught how to do it safely. I have thick, dark hair and fair skin, and looked like Sasquatch by year 5/6. I wasn't allowed to shave until I was about 13, so pinched my mum's very old, non-safety razor (she waxed, so never used it) and hacked myself to bits. By Year 7 I had the choice of being picked on for being hairy or for wearing knee socks to hide the hair, neither of which were acceptable to my peers.

elderfloweriver · 03/07/2015 08:26

Problem is a lot of people just have light downy hair and don't realise the misery that those of us with dark coarse wiry hair all over our bodies if left unchecked go through!

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 08:30

I don't have a problem with my daughter shaving, I don't see it as a sexual thing but I've asked her to wait another year because once you start the upkeep is relentless, and I don't think she's ready for having to deal with that every day yet.

If you can have an extra year of not having the hassle of shaving then why not! you're only in primary school once. None of her friends are shaving yet so it's not an issue.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/07/2015 08:32

OP in view of the fact you'll be allowing your DD to shave next year, why do you have a problem with the school teaching her how to do it?

As others have said, many children just won't get this information at home.

littlejohnnydory · 03/07/2015 08:33

I was about 8 when my Grandmother shaved my legs. I would go batshit. I have no issue with my daughters removing their leg hair if they want to but drawing their attention to it when they are still unselfconscious little girls isn't on. I would also feel that It's my job as a parent to handle this kind of thing.

coffeeisnectar · 03/07/2015 08:34

My dd is 9 and I've been shaving her legs and underarms for a few months as she is so hairy and its so dark. It's not sexual at all, it's about her being self conscious and that she was having kids making comments. Takes a few minutes and when she's a bit older she will do it herself.

CatOfTheGreenGlades · 03/07/2015 08:40

There is a big difference between being taught about it – the whole situation, how and why some people choose to remove body hair, how it's also fine not to, and it's a personal choice etc. – and actually treating it as if it's a thing all girls should do.

I think that applies to boys as well. Shaving your beard also shouldn't be seen as "what you should do". A discussion around the whole subject and methods people do use is OK.

What comes across probably depends on the individual teacher.

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 08:40

I guess it's because I feel like shaving comes under my role as a parent, also I didn't know this was going to be discussed as the letter we had was just about a dvd so I feel like school should have mentioned it.

I also worry that it is presented In a way that is more like here is what you do when you reach puberty, rather than it is an option. Do feel like razors and wax aren't the safest options for 10 year olds that the teacher discussed so I don't know it just doesn't sit right. I just don't think girls should have hair removal reinforced at school like this is what society says you should do as you are female

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/07/2015 08:44

I think you're making all kind of assumptions and worrying about how it was presented to the class, without actually knowing the facts.

Perhaps this thread is a little premature and you should have spoken to the teacher before starting it.

Have a word with her and see what was actually said. Hopefully she can put your mind at rest.

Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 08:46

But isn't bodily hygiene then one of your roles? Why aren't you bothered they told them about deodrant?

Why is it ok for them to show boys how to shave their face but not girls and their legs?

Why assume boys must shave and be shown at school or tat they must shave their face at all?

Most (probably none) have started their periods, either. They still discuss it. Do any boys have beards yet?

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 08:47

I did have a word with her - see upthread. I just think any hair removal discussion is unnecessary at school. If you're 10 and you're told about it at school, then in a child's mind it is something you should do.

OP posts:
Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 08:48

Well my DD certainly doesn't think because you have discussed it at school it must be done.

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2015 08:50

Possibly in your child's mind OP but it's not the same for all of them.

And as has been said, you might think it unnecessary but that's because you talk about things in your house.

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 08:53

No not in my child's mind. I'm saying children inherently believe what they are told to be true. So if a teacher is telling them to shave their legs, then children (in general) would be inclined to think that it must be what girls have to do. I don't like that message.

My daughter doesn't think this because we've already had the discussion sometime ago. But if a child hadn't talked about it with their parent and that's the only message they were getting I don't think it's the right one.

OP posts:
Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 08:56

So the Teacher told them 'you need to shave your legs' rather than 'this is how you shave your legs'

DD had the same talk last year. Still isn't shaving her legs, neither are any of her friends. So your assumption is misplaced.

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2015 08:59

Wait, the teacher told them to shave their legs??

Why didn't you mention this before?

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 09:00

Pretty much

OP posts:
Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 09:04

and that women can shave, you don't have to though,or you can wax she said (?!) not sure what shaving has to do with hygiene.

You said this....you said that women can shave....not women have to shave.

Many Cultures, going back thousands of years, feel shaving is good hygiene.

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 09:05

She said the teacher said when you get to puberty, for some of you that may be now.. You need to use deodorant, face wash, wash more often etc, boys shave their face and girls shave their legs. You don't have to do it but most women do.

I'm not happy with her tagged on disclaimer at the end. Because in essence she was teaching them how to do it, using gel, against the grain etc so they will believe that it is something that is necessary to hygiene when it's not

OP posts:
Teabagbeforemilk · 03/07/2015 09:16

She told them they don't have to, but told them how to do it incase they want to. Lots of kids aren't told these things at home.

Your dd is told and so understands. Some kids aren't told, but were also told 'you don't have to, but most do' which is the truth.

Why is it any different from being told how to use a sanitary towel, or deodrant.

Nowhere did she say 'you must shave your legs, from today'

I think you have no clue why this is upsetting you and are attempting to pick her wording apart, which you have changed and came from your dd not the teacher, to make sense of your feelings. Its possible your dd doesn't remember what was said verbatim.

Original poster
Candycoco · 03/07/2015 09:21

I explained why I didn't like it being discussed many times upthread, for the same reasons as many other posters mentioned.

I'm not going to do anything about it as the school obviously thought it was the right thing to do and I wasn't aware it was the norm which is why I was asking.

I also am aware that my child may not have told me word for word but I got the general gist of what happened. Appreciate that other kids won't have talked about it at home so some things what I would consider for parent to do cross over to an extent.

OP posts: