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Original poster

Sex ed - shaving legs in year 5

700 replies

Candycoco · 02/07/2015 23:24

Have posted in education but posting here for traffic.

Dd came home from school today having had sex ed at school for the past 2 days.

I've always been very open with her and have answered questions as they've come up, so no big revelations this week.

However, she told me today that the boys were taught how to shave by male teacher, and girls were taught how to shave their legs. This just doesn't sit right with me. I know 99% of women do shave their legs and it's something I've already talked to dd about as she asked me last year about it and I told her she has to wait til end of year 6 before she starts secondary to do it.

I just feel it's a bit presumptuous and suggests all girls should. Maybe I'm being bit uptight about it but I don't like the message it sends. Is this normal to teach this as park of sex ed?

Thanks

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 03/07/2015 10:30

I remember when as a teenager my mom wouldn't let me shave my legs and when I was 14 a boy crawled under my school table to look at my legs (as they were the talk of the year group) and then he burst out laughing, made loads of nasty comments in front of the whole class and I was absolutely mortified

That night I took my dad's razor to my legs and dry shaved because I didn't even know I was supposed to use shaving gel. Needless to say I cut myself lots of times and my skin was red raw from the scraping off the razor, I was in a lot of pain for a few days.

The reality is that girls are teased for having hairy legs and so a huge percentage of girls will want to shave, that's just life and so why not teach them how to do it safely?

cailindana · 03/07/2015 10:31

"I would put shaving your legs and eyebrows/make up in different categories."

Why?

Original poster

Candycoco · 03/07/2015 10:33

Cheryl what did you say to those pupils about their eyebrows out of interest?

OP posts:

cailindana · 03/07/2015 10:33

"The reality is that girls are teased for having hairy legs and so a huge percentage of girls will want to shave, that's just life and so why not teach them how to do it safely?"

See this is what I don't get. Plenty of women here know what it is like to be teased and humiliated for not living up to what's expected of them as women. But the response is "that's life." What?? So we think, oh well, no point in doing anything about it, we should just carry on modifying ourselves so we are acceptable and therefore not teased? Really? Why is there this totally defeatist attitude?

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2015 10:36

Worra, do you see a lot of women walking around with bare hairy legs?

I'll be 100% honest and say that I don't take much notice.

But yes, I have seen women with bare hairy legs and it's been quite noticeable. However, this could well be because the hair is dark and so it's easy for the eye to pick up.

There may be many women with bare hairy legs, whose hair is too fair for my eyes to pick up easily, so I really couldn't tell you whether I see a lot of women or not IYSWIM?

And I'm not going to risk close inspection and a kick in the head

CherylBerylMeryl · 03/07/2015 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 03/07/2015 10:38

I don't think dd's school have taught this. BUT...this week my almost 11 year old dd asked me to wax her legs so I did. She hasn't worn dresses or shorts for a couple of years and she recently admitted its because she is embarrassed of her hairy legs. She happily went to school this week wearing shorts, which was lucky as I think she might have keeled over in the heat otherwise.

So as long as it's done sensitively, I don't think teaching girls this age about shaving their legs is a bad thing. I'm sure it was presented as an option, not an expectation.

ghostyslovesheep · 03/07/2015 10:39

cailindana do you have teenage or preteen girls?

if so how did YOU deal with it ? I'm interested as I just couldn't say to my girls 'they are just behaving as products of patriachy - hold your head up and get one with it' when they where in tears about being called names

why would I make them miserable because I know that leg shaving is a social construct?

so what did you do when your daughter asked you about leg shaving?

CherylBerylMeryl · 03/07/2015 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cailindana · 03/07/2015 10:43

I have literally never seen anyone out in the street walking about in a skirt with hairy legs. Because women don't do that, in general. I would love to have hairy legs, as I hate shaving, but anytime I have left them hairy people have commented on them (mainly people close to me). Feminists are called "hairy-legged" as an insult. Even models in shaving ads, who are supposed to be shaving, have no leg hair. No model in mainstream ads ever has leg hair. Because you are expected, as a woman, to have smooth legs.

ghostyslovesheep · 03/07/2015 10:45

But the response is "that's life." - who has said that

I am an adult - I can fight from the point of an adult - my children don't have that luxury - if choosing to shave their legs makes them happier and makes school life easier who the hell am I to say 'no you must be miserable and fight the fight'

Of course we need to challenge and fight stuff - but I wont make them fight my battles - they will have their own to fight

ghostyslovesheep · 03/07/2015 10:46

Calin do you have daughters?

Original poster

Candycoco · 03/07/2015 10:46

Cheryl what age were these pupils?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2015 10:48

I think the sensible way forward here is to teach our kids that they don't have to do these things to 'fit in'.

That it's absolutely fine to leave our bodies as nature intended.

That bullying is wrong.

That we are worth so much more than our looks.

That there are choices out there and before we make them, we should consider all angles and possibilities.

That ultimately those choices are ours to make.

That the choices we make today, don't have to be permanent and that we can choose differently in the future, should we wish to.

That they own their bodies and if removing hair from it/or not makes them happy (after considering all of the above), that is their own choice to make.

That they shouldn't allow adults to make them feel guilty or wrong, for not wanting to lead a campaign against this sort of thing.

CherylBerylMeryl · 03/07/2015 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cailindana · 03/07/2015 10:50

I don't have a teen daughter, ghost, she's 2. And when it comes to that age I will certainly let her shave and I will help her if she needs it. But I won't be telling her 'that's life.' I'll be telling her that I understand entirely why she wants to shave, that I shave too even though I don't want to, and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with going along with societal norms in order to avoid teasing. I will also tell her that I, in my own small way, have been fighting against these societal norms (despite not being immune to them myself) and I would love her daughter to live in a world where she can be truly proud of her body, just the way it is. I will also explain the surrounding structure that led to the situation we're in and ensure she understands that if she does feel shame about her body she doesn't have to feel it, that her body is beautiful no matter what society tries to tell her.

cailindana · 03/07/2015 10:50

Writerwannabe said it ghost.

cailindana · 03/07/2015 10:54

"So what use is there in a teacher, with shaved legs herself, lamely standing up and saying, no girls, you are perfect just the way you are? None!"

If you read my posts Cheryl, I said several times that that's not what I was advocating. For one thing I think you should say "you are perfect the way you are" because every child should hear that from the adults they trust. What I said in previous posts was the time should be spent explaining to girls that yes, there is the option to shave and an explanation of where the expectation you should shave comes from, why girls feel ashamed of hairy legs, how girls don't need to feel ashamed and a proper discussion about body expectations etc.

There is no point in throwing our hands up and saying "oh well there's no point in doing anything else." Things won't change if we don't change them.

ghostyslovesheep · 03/07/2015 10:55

yes but lots and lots of other posters have NOT said that - so lets focus on the fact that most of us do explain to our children and take a sensible approach

why pick of the one comment you find defeatist

honestly if you shave your legs and you will allow your daughter to why criticise other for doing the same?

oh and what Worra said - except for the thing about Sci-fi

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2015 10:55

cailindana I agree 100% with your post at 10:50:13

I believe that's the way forward, rather than the 'head in the sand' attitude that my Mum had.

Original poster

Candycoco · 03/07/2015 10:55

I'm shocked eyebrows is an issue at 9-10. None of my daughters peers are doing that and she's never mentioned her eyebrows to me

I thought you were going today secondary pupils. Think that's inappropriate

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2015 10:56

I'm going to start an anti Sci-fi campaign and demand it's lead by every child in the land.

cailindana · 03/07/2015 10:56

"honestly if you shave your legs and you will allow your daughter to why criticise other for doing the same?"

Where did I criticise people for shaving their legs?

WorraLiberty · 03/07/2015 10:58

Candy would you necessarily know that the kids in your DD's school were having their eyebrows done?

Often they're just done to 'neaten' the longer, wiry hairs so perhaps not obvious at all.

CherylBerylMeryl · 03/07/2015 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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