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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel that my friend is only friends with me because I feed her children

171 replies

MadHenLady · 02/07/2015 11:26

My friend, B has three children. Her youngest is the same age as my DD. We've been friends since they were babies.

We used to do lots of things- days out with the children etc- but as they are all school age now, for the last year or so it's been easier to meet at each other's houses.

Well-my house, actually. I have a big garden, B has none, and as my DD is an only, it's just easier to have them around here. The same goes for other friends and their children. I like having company, and I hope people are always made to feel welcome in my home. B and her children come around once every week or so, on a Saturday, the children play, and then we all walk to the leisure centre, where the children all do the same hobby, which starts at 3pm

The problem is this. A few months ago, I lost my job. Luckily I have a new one starting in the Autumn, but things have been very tight on DH's salary alone.

B tends to arrive about 11am. So they are here over lunchtime.. Her children are quite fussy, and will only eat certain things for lunch- ham sandwiches, potato waffles, beans and toast. I buy all these, along with some fresh fruit and juice etc. We are vegetarian and don't eat much bread, so these are things I generally have to buy in specifically.

Anyway, the cost mounts up a bit. So now that we're bloody skint, I'm naturally trying to cut back. Due to a financial fuck up last week, I had about five pounds to last me from Friday to Monday, and I didn't have much food in the house. I just wasn't able to deal with a big lunch for 4 kids. Also, I'm tired, stressed and miserable and I just want to hide. I asked B to come around at 2,instead of 11, thinking that a quick coffee would be nice before we go to the children's class.

B came round, I made coffee, she kept pulling a sort of funny face. Her eldest says 'What's for lunch? I'm STARVING". B says ''yes we'd better get something quickly before class starts''

I said ''oh I would have thought you'd already had lunch. I had nothing in the house this week etc etc"

B started getting stroppy, saying that if she had known, then she would have fed them already, she'd have to take the kids to McDonalds before the class, they were starving, they couldn't be expected to do the class on an empty stomach etc etc.

I just felt this was really rude. I know they eat here often, but surely if you are asked somewhere at 2pm you would eat something beforehand.

There are other things too, now I look back. lots of times when I keep her kids so she can go to appointments etc, she has never returned the favour to me. She had a really rocky time in her marriage for a while, so I was trying to support her, but things are fine now. Tbh I feel like I would like a bit of support now too

OP posts:
Volenflo · 04/07/2015 07:06

You're too nice and she is a user.

SuckMySquallop · 04/07/2015 07:40

I'd invite her back round and tell her that lunch is on you.

When she arrives, give her a plate full of steaming dogshit. Wink

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 04/07/2015 07:52

I can't believe she has come to yours without bringing a contribution at least. There are four if them and two of you, I can't imagine why she thinks it's OK to bring an occasional pack of Jaffa cakes - proper pudding for you all is the least you can do.

arnieschwartzsnogger · 04/07/2015 07:56

Personally, I would wait and see if I got an apology. It was wrong of her to assume that they would have lunch. Surely you needed to leave before 3pm to get to the leisure centre. Most rational people would realise that 2pm is late and 45 minutes isn't very long to sort out lunch for 6 people.

People tell you who they are. You just have to take notice. She doesn't sound worth keeping to me.

Never get into a routine with people. They just take you for granted otherwise.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/07/2015 08:09

Stitch lunchtime is usually between 12-1pm, noway is lunch at 2pm.

eddielizzard · 04/07/2015 08:29

i would not contact her again. if she texts i'd say 'sorry but i can't afford to feed 4 extra people anymore. you're welcome to come round with a picnic for your kids though.'

incredibly rude behaviour.

Volenflo · 05/07/2015 08:17

Did she come in the end?

BabyGanoush · 05/07/2015 08:28

Did she "forgive" you to get ghis cosy arrangement back? That's what I imagine she'd do.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 05/07/2015 19:37

Please OP let us know what you did in the end, even if it was nothing!!

MadHenLady · 05/07/2015 19:53

Well, an anticlimax. I didn't text her. She didn't text me. She took the kids to the class extra early, she was driving out as i walked in, and i was quite early. Her mum picked them up. Guess the friendship is over. Ah well!

OP posts:
HSMMaCM · 05/07/2015 19:59

I'd love to know what she told her Mum the reason was for you not going together Grin

Volenflo · 05/07/2015 20:02

Good riddance!

girliefriend · 05/07/2015 21:13

Haha oh well, you seriously don't need friends like that!! She sounds like a weirdo for going out of her way to avoid you though Grin

DinosaursRoar · 05/07/2015 21:27

Well seems like if she's not getting a free meal, she doesn't like your company.

Leave it then. Next week if she's there, be smiles and polite, but don't raise the 'lunch situation' unless she does. Then just say "Lunch before class isn't really working for me anymore, I can manage a quick coffee some weeks, but that's about it." leave it at that.

seaoflove · 05/07/2015 21:40

Wow.

You are well rid of her.

GatoradeMeBitch · 05/07/2015 21:49

So for months and months she got free meals from you, you miss one week and she cuts you dead? I think I guessed right - she was awaiting an apology from you! As seaoflove says, you're well rid! Let her find someone new to leach off.

ConfusedInBath · 05/07/2015 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyPlumpington · 05/07/2015 21:54

Jesus.

I hope she comes crawling back in a few weeks so that you can demonstrate your new unforgiving nature op Grin

Aeroflotgirl · 05/07/2015 21:57

Good riddance to bad rubbish, there was never a friendship there, friendship is a two way street.

Garlick · 05/07/2015 22:15

Gosh, you'll have so much extra food money!
Good result, Hen :)

sleeponeday · 05/07/2015 22:34

So no "I'm sorry I am a worthless leech, here, let me feed you and your kids the most gourmet veggie meal possible and when can I repay all the babysitting favours, I insist?" then?

You've not lost a friend. You've jettisoned some deadweight.

Please don't leap to her command when she next needs a mug to service her childcare needs, either!

sleeponeday · 05/07/2015 22:46

Having said that - she has avoided seeing you at all costs (mother collecting, too!) so she may know damn well how bad her behaviour has been. People without bad consciences wouldn't go to that level of avoidance.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 05/07/2015 22:57

I am sorry hen. It must be upsetting for you. Though she clearly wasn't deserving of your friendship it's not nice to discover someone you thought of as a friend clearly wasn't. As sleep says, with a bit of luck she'll have a guilty conscience. I don't know how to send flowers or wine on MN but I would if I could.

hibbledibble · 05/07/2015 23:06

Op it sounds like you have done well to lose her as a 'friend'. She was using you, a real friend wouldn't do that.

I was Shock reading your op that as a vegetarian you were buying in ham for her children. It is not reasonable to expect that.

Real friends are worth their weight in gold, this woman was never one!

CakeLady1 · 05/07/2015 23:27

What a user! You're well rid