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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baking for school is a waste of women's time?

194 replies

SayThisOnlyOnce · 02/07/2015 10:06

Not a taat but I have seen various posters mentioning 'and I've got to bake for the school fair/sale' amongst many other things they need to do.

If you LIKE baking, fine.

But most people seem to find it a chore. I have never baked for school and I don't intend that I ever will. I've never encountered a dad stressed out because he has been guilted into agreeing to bake something he doesn't really have time for.

IME the cakes are sold really cheaply anyway. If you costed the time and ingredients I'm sure its making a loss, ie it would be cheaper not to bake and just stick money in a bucket.

It just seems to be another form of everyday sexism.

OP posts:
Starlightbright1 · 02/07/2015 14:50

I bake the cakes for school because I am a LP and his dad does nothing, My cakes all sold first at school fair and more than happy to donate in ways other parents ca't

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/07/2015 14:54

It's a cultural community thing though isn't it? The Summer fair and homemade cake. Bunging a couple of quid in a tin is just not the same.

And people who think they are being clever tarting up shop bought cheap crap; you are not fooling anyone, and if you think they taste the same as home made stuff you are seriously deluded and must have been tragically deprived of proper cake all your life.

RandomFriend · 02/07/2015 14:55

I like baking cakes and I liked it that my children got to eat cakes that were homemade by someone else.

Division of labour within some homes may follow traditional roles but I saw this as a different issue. Good to hear on this thread about Dads that bake.

CandOdad · 02/07/2015 14:58

Peoples mentality seems to be that you HAVE to have cakes and low value drinks etc at these school events. I hate it and would much rather have something decent on offer at a reasonable price then by a crappy cake and a cup or cordial for 20p

Annoys me too that the school will happily let an ice cream van on site for some events and it charges £2 when the PTA could buy them in, sell for £1 and still make money for school.

almondcakes · 02/07/2015 14:59

I don't really get it TLL.

If you can judge other people for buying shop bought cake, how is it you care about your community?

Don't get it all.

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 02/07/2015 15:05

Well everybody can contribute something. My cake baking skills may be fairly extremelylimited, but my ability to eat large quantities of Chinese takeaway and then donate the plastic containers afterwards for boat building/paint trays etc is unmatched.

MrsMcColl · 02/07/2015 15:12

TLL neatly demonstrates how much judging goes on. Nice.

Flingmoo · 02/07/2015 15:17

Okay, having a couple of mins to kill, I just went on Tesco online shopping and added the following to the basket:

250g pack butter
1.5kg bag flour
500g icing sugar
500g caster sugar
1 lemon
6 free range eggs

All Tesco's own brand, not value range which would be cheaper. Adds up to £4.64.

Those ingredients alone could make a decent size cake, let's say 6 slices, to be honest it would probably make 2 cakes with plenty of flour and other bits left over, but for arguments sake let's say you had to buy all the ingredients specially, made just one cake and chucked the rest away. It would work out as 77p a slice to break even. Realistically, I'd day about 39p a slice considering you could really make 2 cakes with all those ingredients.

So we're talking in the range of 39-77p a slice... I would round that up to a £1 to make extra profit for the given charity/PTA. I don't see how that's false economy... And for the buyer, still loads cheaper than what most cafes charge!

I do agree with the everyday sexism bit though, mums are always expected to do these "extra" things.

ToysRLuv · 02/07/2015 15:18

This is off topic a bit, but talking about the thibgs PTA provides: I don't get carpet time. Why not use the chairs instead of sitting on the floor which is trodden on with outdoor shoes?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/07/2015 15:34

Not judging. A very busy friend of mine was moaned at by the PTA for her box of Mr Kiplings and I was the one who backed her up and told them to get over themselves.

I am talking about people who tart up crap because they think they are being clever and fooling everyone. Wanting to get praised for putting the effort in when they haven't. Much more honest to say, "I'm really busy/I hate baking but here's some hand me down uniform/books to sell than pretending to be some domestic goddess.

Tarting up cheap crap cakes, meh, it's all about the show for some people.

Okay, I am judgingWink

SomethingFunny · 02/07/2015 15:56

Regarding comment above about the ice cream man. He has an asset the PTA does not- a large transportable freezer that he can supply with electricity. There are many times we wish we could just provide ice creams/ice pops at events (we had an event yesterday, would have been wonderful!) but we cannot as we don't have the facilities. We have to resort to ice cream men and a cut of their profits.

And our PTA would never moan at anyone for shop bought cakes Shock they are still a contribution and still sellable and great fully received!

SomewhereIBelong · 02/07/2015 16:31

mine used to make a traybake themselves - with a Wright's packet mix(79p) , tablespoon of oil (pennies) and put a sweet on the top of each one from whatever was lying around at home

(got 18 from each tray - so did 2 kids "donations" for less than a pound)

If they couldn't be bothered then it was off to the spar shop which always got in a load of "special offer" Cadbury's mini rolls - manager was husband of the PTA treasurer, so he got the nod on when each year. My friend had no spare cash so used to volunteer to help at packing up at the end after work.

People stress over the daftest things.

BreakingDad77 · 02/07/2015 17:14

When said like the OP quoted there is a bit of mummy martyism involved (obv i'm talking about people with partners). If your a single parent you have enough on your plate!

I have a v simple lemon drizzle that can be made in an evening no problem and have made for DW for charity things. Was bit late but even did profiteroles/eclairs with creme anglaise.

almondcakes · 02/07/2015 17:25

I don't see how being a single mother has anything to do with it.

Some fathers who don't live with their kids will be prepared to do stuff like make a cake and some won't. Just like fathers who live with their kids.

My kids' dad doesn't even go to parents' evening so the likelihood of him baking a cake for a school fair is pretty much zero.

I am trying to look on the bright side of this thread and see that most people do not care whether you join in with this kind of stuff or not - advice I will be giving to DD and DS.

SinclairSpectrum · 02/07/2015 17:27

Surely this falls into the same camp as creating an Egyptian pharaoh costume with less than 24 hours notice, or completing a project on the achievements of Lionel Messi (v.proud of mine ds's).
Its just the stuff that's expected when you have young kids.
I think women can sometimes be guilty of competitive parenting.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 02/07/2015 17:44

The best cakes in my DCs year at primary school were baked by a dad. They always sold first.

Is it an issue though? If you want to bake, bake. If you don't, just send in your child with a bit of change. Some people have too much time on their hands if they can even think this is something worth worrying about.

Mehitabel6 · 02/07/2015 17:53

I can't see the issue. If you don't want to bake then don't. It is hardly arduous and nothing to stop Dads doing it if they want.

hettie · 02/07/2015 18:13

I actualy think most of the everday sexism comes from the general assumption in primary schools (both PTA and school) that kids have parent (usualy the mum) at home (or at least at home part-time) to do a whole variety of things/come in at short notice/help out with stalls etc

namechangefortoday543 · 02/07/2015 18:23

judging !?
Ha ! yes you are secretly wondering why you slaved over a hot stove at midnight when you can get the same results in 3 minutes Grin
and all the kudos Wink

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/07/2015 18:31

No need for me to slave over a hot stove at midnight Name, I have a very nice work life balance thank you. Mixing a batch of cakes takes 10 minutes tops anyway. But tarting up cheap cakes fools no one: there is no kudos to be gained. You just look a bit daft.

FaFoutis · 02/07/2015 18:35

YANBU. Completely agree. I don't make them, I don't buy them.

I donate wine for the raffle instead.

namechangefortoday543 · 02/07/2015 18:42

OMG I actually know realise what people mean about the bitches at the school gate !
no one ever knew that I was overwhelmed with PND and this was the best I could do.
my DC happily and proudly decorated them and took them in.
So who looks daft and a complete cow ?

MrsMcColl · 02/07/2015 18:51

It's a real thing, namechange - judging and bitching absolutely does go on. This thread has confirmed my suspicions that for some people it really isn't just about raising money - if I donate to the PTA but then never turn up at a cake sale or school fair, there will be some judgy parents who conclude that I think I'm 'above' the school community. I know there are because I've heard them talk about other people - without knowing anything about those other people's lives and why PTA participation may not be possible.

RashDecision · 02/07/2015 18:52

Our PTA are pretty cool, they ask parents for any donations. Shop bought, home made, whatever, all gratefully accepted. There is little showmanship as cakes are brought in without loads of people seeing who has made it, and apart from my DC and the PTA no one knows which is mine.

My kids like me making stuff for it as a. they get to lick the bowl and b. there's def a pride thing "my mum made those" "Lucy said your banana cake was the best she's ever had" "Ella said you should work in a bakery" etc. I don't help out much at other stuff so it's a way to give back. Yes the time and cost of ingreds means I don't do it every time but there isn't an expectation that I do each time, which I like. No pressure.

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 02/07/2015 18:54

Personally, although I have never actually thought of doing it, I think decorating shop cakes sounds a great idea. Icing and decorating them is the bit that DD has always enjoyed and, frankly, it is the children who generally eat what is sold at cake sales anyway and, with the best will in the world, very few of them would care or be able to tell whether it was shop bought or home made. Not at the junior end of primary school at least.

Whilst it doesn't take long to mix a cake, you then have to bake them and let them cool before icing them. If time is short, even that time could be put to better use just doing some icing.