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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baking for school is a waste of women's time?

194 replies

SayThisOnlyOnce · 02/07/2015 10:06

Not a taat but I have seen various posters mentioning 'and I've got to bake for the school fair/sale' amongst many other things they need to do.

If you LIKE baking, fine.

But most people seem to find it a chore. I have never baked for school and I don't intend that I ever will. I've never encountered a dad stressed out because he has been guilted into agreeing to bake something he doesn't really have time for.

IME the cakes are sold really cheaply anyway. If you costed the time and ingredients I'm sure its making a loss, ie it would be cheaper not to bake and just stick money in a bucket.

It just seems to be another form of everyday sexism.

OP posts:
NynaevesSister · 02/07/2015 11:44

It isn't the cake sale that is sexist unless your flyers specifically say Mums bake cakes.

It is a sexist situation though and it has nothing to do with the cake sales. You aren't going to take down the patriarchy by refusing to participate.

What is needed is a shift in societies attitude towards child care. At the school gate it is mostly mums, go to a school assembly and majority mums, attend any sort if school meeting - about the curriculum or to do with the PTA - and it is mostly mums there.

The cake sale isn't sexist. We are.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 02/07/2015 11:45

The WOHM I know don't bake for school stuff. They don't have time. I didn't when I worked fulltime. I threw them some cash instead.
Now I do it, but I have lots of time to waste. My time is cheap and my baking is crappy

If its everyday sexism, its self imposed. If you bake when you don't want to/don't have time/can't do it then more fool you, frankly. If you think anyone is judging you for not doing so...IME nobody thinks enough about other people to either notice or care.

MidniteScribbler · 02/07/2015 11:48

Interesting how the Baking Dads mentioned on this thread seem to be either SAHDs or Professional Chef Catering Men.

Sorry, but my father was neither. He worked two jobs, none of which were anything to do with catering or food. My mother didn't enjoy baking, he didn't mind it, food needed to be baked, so he just got on with it and did it, usually at about 1am in the morning because that was the only time he had.

TranmereRover · 02/07/2015 11:49

on the everyday sexism point, do any of you have fathers who are on the PTA / class reps at your schools?

It's about time that they man up round our way; plenty of working mothers do it. Maybe it happens in boys' / mixed schools?

Tizwailor · 02/07/2015 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 02/07/2015 11:57

We have cake sales a lot at DD's school. I baked fairy cakes once (not very exciting icing = not very popular). DH also baked once - some melt in the mouth lemon loveliness - and his went down a treat. He is designated school baker now in our house.

Regardless of the fact that cake sales are not a massive moneyspinner for the PTFA when you look at them on a cost vs profit basis, the children love them so much (and are generally sent in with a small amount of money) and the parents are generous at buying them too, that there would be uproar if they ever stopped.

chelseabuns2013 · 02/07/2015 11:58

It's for show offs! Everyone can bake if they want to. I worry about people who get smug about baking (and sewing for that matter)

Artandco · 02/07/2015 11:59

Dh is neither, he works in technology. It's not hard to look on google how to bake basic muffins/ flapjack/ rice crispy cakes. Dh bakes for all of us as much as I do, we bake a fair amount at home anyway
Both dh and myself work full time.

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 02/07/2015 12:03

Our school may be a bit of an anomaly because there are quite a few men on the PTFA committee (not so much amongst the class reps though) and the men are pretty instrumental in organising both children's and adults events.

Also fathers have been known to go on school trips from time to time and there are some at the school gates - I must admit it does tend to be predominantly women.

MerryMarigold · 02/07/2015 12:04

Like you, I'd rather just bung a tenner to the school once a term and not have to engage with cake sales at all.

The thing is though, people don't. Good intentions...

Maybe we should stand with a bucket outside school once a year...can you imagine the AIBU's that would start! Grin

Just don't bake then. Plenty of people do so you can just buy and make your contribution that way. And as for a loss. I tend to make a cake, cut into 12 pieces which are sold for £1 each. Certainly doesn't cost me £12 to make, though I don't begrudge the few quid it does cost. My cake always goes (If you're baking, make chocolate, it ALWAYS goes).

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 02/07/2015 12:04

DH works FT too, albeit shifts which gives him a bit of a time advantage sometimes.

MidniteScribbler · 02/07/2015 12:05

on the everyday sexism point, do any of you have fathers who are on the PTA / class reps at your schools?

We only have one dad on our PTA (although ours is called P&F (Parents and Friends)). We do however have a number of dads (and mums) that come in on weekends and do gardening and various handyperson type jobs around the school. I've also got a dad in my classroom who comes in once per week to help with reading. Oh, and the awesome dad that makes the most amazing Vietnamese spring rolls once a week and brings them to tuckshop to sell.

morelikeguidelines · 02/07/2015 12:08

Everyone at the school knows I work, but I would probably bake anyway if I was good at it. Maybe I should get MrGuidelines (WOHD, as I am WOHM) to bake something next time - it wouldn't cross his mind to do it, which I guess is the point of the thread. He has a special mixing machine thing that he hardly ever uses so it would do him good Grin

QuintShhhhhh · 02/07/2015 12:08

Dads are asked to come set up for the Christmas Fair, and the Summer fair, dads are asked to help at sports activities, dads are asked to run various games stalls, so surely at least we womenfolk could bake a little? Not a lot to ask, compared to assembling 50 odd gazebos and running millions of meters of extension leads, and hauling around rice cookers and 50 odd tables!

QuintShhhhhh · 02/07/2015 12:09

Dads are hosting the Quiz night, the cheese and wine, the charity football game, the golf event....

They do a lot! Sure I can bake a batch of cupcakes a few times per year.

It sure beats scoring at Cricket games!

stealthbanana · 02/07/2015 12:10

I don't bake because I don't particularly like cake - I usually buy it out of guilt at cake sales and then throw it in the bin. Would much rather eat some nice cheese or chocolate or something savoury than a cake.

FrozenAteMyDaughter · 02/07/2015 12:11

I helped with gazebo assembly for our recent Summer Fair. Very equal opportunities in our neck of the woods. Didn't get invited to the pub after, admittedly, but then I did have a 5yo in tow.

SomethingFunny · 02/07/2015 12:13

Our school PTA provides things like shade sails to give the children shade to sit under/ eat their pack lunches under. The alternative would be the children sat in the sun or in their classrooms. It has funded the stage for the school hall so that the children had something to perform their Christmas Play and school drama productions on so they can actually be seen by the parents who come and watch.

Our school PTA funded the rug in the reception classroom so the children had something nice to sit on at carpet time. It funded the adventure playgrounds for the children and the lines on the playground and the toys for playtime so the children actually get to have some fun when they are there and not just a patch of concrete and a patch of grass.

It has also bought numerous reading books for the reading schemes so the children have a nice clean interesting looking book to take home and read and not some grubby taped together book date stamped 1980.

Etc etc etc

Our state funded education system only provides the bare essentials (and not even that). Does the PTA provide things that are not essentials? No, but the children's experience of school- where they spend a large chunk of their lives- would be a lot poorer without the things he PTA buys.

TranmereRover · 02/07/2015 12:14

Quint, I think I shall speak to our PTA head and suggest that she gets some of the dads involved in future - it's ALWAYS the mothers doing battle with the santa grotto and gazebos at ours - though it's girls only school and sounds like yours is boys - I suspect that's the reason for it, however it does set an abysmal example to the girls that dealing with children is women's work (regardless of whether they also happen to run a highly successful corporate tax and accountancy practice or whatever).

QuintShhhhhh · 02/07/2015 12:15

I think, what my point is, baking is ONE thing out of many, and the list of what help is needed goes out, and people volunteer!

It turns out to be that women bake, and men volunteer for other things. Of course there are also some women building gazebos, and I bet they have chosen to do this over the baking!

QuintShhhhhh · 02/07/2015 12:17

Mixed boys and girls primary.

The different classes have different responsibilities for each event, and the reps send out a list of things they need volunteers for to each class, and each family will have to pick something. My dh usually picks rigging in the morning, I turn up later with cakes!

QuintShhhhhh · 02/07/2015 12:19

I realize I am contradicting my self when I say "dads are asked", the list goes out in general, and anybody can volunteer for anything, but they are especially appealing for dads to come forward and help, most notably with lugging heavy equipment.

SomethingFunny · 02/07/2015 12:22

Over a quarter of our PTA are men.

We are also very equal opportunity- everyone/anyone is welcome to put up a gazebo, run a stall, do the BBQ or bake a cake. Yes the majority of cakes are probably made by women (I have no idea), but that is their personal choice not sexism!

Spirael · 02/07/2015 12:39

Just to add weight to the fact that it's not always women baking for school. Both DH and I are full time WOHP, we split baking evenly and enjoy it as an activity with the kids or sometimes just because we feel like it. The fact that it benefits school is just the icing on the cake!

So, while I would say YABU about it being a waste of time, my biggest YABVU is for using 'womens' in the title rather than 'parents'.

Keletubbie · 02/07/2015 12:40

Working single mum who has never missed a bake sale.

And never brought in shop bought cakes.

In fact, I churn out some next level Magnolia Bakery stuff.

I do it willingly because I am good at it.