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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baking for school is a waste of women's time?

194 replies

SayThisOnlyOnce · 02/07/2015 10:06

Not a taat but I have seen various posters mentioning 'and I've got to bake for the school fair/sale' amongst many other things they need to do.

If you LIKE baking, fine.

But most people seem to find it a chore. I have never baked for school and I don't intend that I ever will. I've never encountered a dad stressed out because he has been guilted into agreeing to bake something he doesn't really have time for.

IME the cakes are sold really cheaply anyway. If you costed the time and ingredients I'm sure its making a loss, ie it would be cheaper not to bake and just stick money in a bucket.

It just seems to be another form of everyday sexism.

OP posts:
CrystalCove · 02/07/2015 12:46

No one ever asks a dad to bake anything

All our letters home from school regarding things like this are addressed to "Dear Parent/Guardian of...." surely that covers both Mums and Dads?

Bunbaker · 02/07/2015 12:48

"I just pick up a pack of cakes from the shop"

At DD's primary school the shop bought cakes were always the last to go, except for Battenburg cake.

I always baked for school because I love baking. I always bake for church fund raisers and occasionally take baking into work.

It's a vanity thing for me because I have built up a bit of a reputation for my baking.

Purplepixiedust · 02/07/2015 12:51

I like baking so do when I can for school. Buns with green icing and haribos or anything chocolate go like well, hot cakes Grin

How is it sexist? The school don't ask only mums to bake do they? Presumably it is the dynamics of your household which have determined that this task falls to you. I know a number of men who bake. You could get your kids involved too.

Lots of parents donate pre bought cakes to our cake sales. I don't feel guilty the times when I don't have time either. When I bake I send about 8 cakes in. If everyone baking does that only 1 in every 7- 8 people needs to bother to get one each and a few spare.

Kids enjoy it. The selling, spending, fundraising are all educational.

almondcakes · 02/07/2015 12:51

There was an article recently about working mothers, and a researcher from UCL was pointing out that schools needed to change their attitudes and stop making demands on parents.

I think schools themselves are far worse for demands from parents than PTAs.

Purplepixiedust · 02/07/2015 12:56

Not sure how many men are on our PTA but there are definitely some. There are always loads volunteering at the summer and Christmas fairs.

Titsalinabumsquash · 02/07/2015 12:56

DP had a cake sale at work recently, I didn't step foot in the kitchen, he baked several cakes to take in, school bake sales are supported by purchasing cakes not making them! no sexist behaviour in this house!

Mopmay · 02/07/2015 12:56

We have loads of dads involved in PTA and our school uses the money for extra playground equipment, IT, all sorts of good stuff. All the DC benefit at a time when budgets have been slashed

Flossish · 02/07/2015 12:59

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. This has reminded me to do some actually as we can't make the school fair so feel we need to contribute. If I was busy though, I wouldn't.

What I do find sexist at our school is when bags of clothes or camping tables etc need moving around a text goes out to all the 'dads' to help. I'm more than capable of moving furniture, as probably are most women so it sets my teeth on edge. Bit like 'oh help us strong men, we are only weak little women!' Confused

SocksRock · 02/07/2015 13:00

We have a dad who makes the most amazing cakes, beautifully decorated. He always does a massive one to guess the weight of the cake and it makes loads :-)

almondcakes · 02/07/2015 13:02

So there's your answer OP. Every time the school or PTA asks you to do something, tell then maybe your child's father might be doing it.

This approach obviously won't work with things that really need doing like picking them up from school and parents' evening. But for non essential things, people seem satisfied with this as a response.

holmessweetholmes · 02/07/2015 13:03

It's only sexist if the school actually says mums should do it (which I doubt they do).
And they are only guilting you into it if you let them. If you don't want to bake, either donate shop-bought cakes, make a donation, or contribute by buying cakes at the sale. No need for all the hand-wringing!

MerryMarigold · 02/07/2015 13:03

schools needed to change their attitudes and stop making demands on parents.

I can only speak for 1 school, but they don't demand anything from me. Sometimes they ask for donations of cardboard and plastic bottles and help on a school trip but you can feel free to ignore or say you can't go. Where's the big deal?

chelseabuns2013 · 02/07/2015 13:04

Me too!

tumbletumble · 02/07/2015 13:08

It would be outright sexism if the school says mums should do it.

It's everyday sexism if that's assumed / implied.

It's not necessarily the school's fault, as it usually comes from other parents, but it definitely exists.

almondcakes · 02/07/2015 13:08

Merry, I think it was more things that would actually cause discomfort to your child if you didn't do it - themed fancy dress days, large modelling projects for homework, that kind of thing.

I found the cost of trips more of a problem than the things that demanded time.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 02/07/2015 13:09

At the summer fete I made loads of cakes with Buerre D'Isigny, undyed glacé cherries, etc. They sold at 20p each Shock. The best sellers were shop bought biscuits - those cookies with Smarties or M and Ms or whatever on. I will buy a couple of packets of those next time.

DamnBamboo · 02/07/2015 13:17

If I want to bake, I bake. If I don't, I don't.

The kids in our school love a good bake sale.

We have maybe 4-5 a year and they all go crazy for it.

People put in a lot of effort for the cakes too and most are really good.

Sometimes, it's not just about making money you know.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/07/2015 13:19

Well its up to the person to make a choice to do it or not.

minkGrundy · 02/07/2015 13:23

My onky compkaint is all.parents bake e.g. 12 cakes then have to buy 2 cakes back. Then get gicen a pile of free cakes to take home at the end.
Its a lot of cake.
So I buy and don't bake to like ahem even it all up a bit. In every cake sale there must be buyers as well as bakers.Wink

Millionprammiles · 02/07/2015 13:27

Schools are rather fond of reminding parents they're there to teach children, not provide childcare.
Well I'm there to parent my child. Not provide admin/fundraising/whatever support to schools so they can encourage obesity and fill kids with yet more fat/sugar.

Harsh maybe but at least I'll avoid the trauma of my shop bought cake being the last to be sold. The horror is unimaginable Grin

Preminstreltension · 02/07/2015 13:33

I agree with you OP although I still do it because:

  • the children like me to do it
  • I am a WOHM and I don't want to be badged as one of those terrible career women who doesn't care about the school
  • I don't do much else practical for the school although I do have a direct debit to the school monthly which I can do because I work FT

And yes there is sexism embedded here. It's always the women doing the lion's share of this work. One of our recent PTA round robins asking for help at the school fair went something like "So we need everyone to pitch in. Please take a stall for two hours, or help out before hand with sorting and setting up. And Dads, you can help too!" The assumption is just that the parent you can ask to give time for free is the mum.

Sure enough at the fair (on a Saturday), 90pc of the stall holders were women with just a few dads doing sterling work on the BBQ. Unpaid work like this is women's work - even more so the even more undesirable work of sorting out and clearing up afterwards.

Heartofgold25 · 02/07/2015 13:47

Bakes sales are of course a complete waste of time, and the only benefit is to those who can bring in their master pieces all bells and whistles, flags aflutter to outperform the next mother. It is nothing more or less sadly.

I have never seen a father bring in a cake, but have seen plenty of mother staggering in with their latest and most inspired cakes, to show the world what a wonderful mother they are (Which is not strictly true because the health advice is strictly against all forms of sugar, so indeed if you can bake to perfection this is currently not recommended!) It does not make a penny and just makes working mothers feel even worse as they bash away at a victoria sponge hoping to make it look handmade. It is ghastly.

Organise a book sale instead, no sugar (tick box one) no competition (although you are still bound to get the odd over enthusiastic parent bringing in a vintage number in gold leaf) no guilt for any parent (at long last!) and everyone needs to get rid of at least a few from their collection and is bound to make some ACTUAL money! Hurrah!

Vickisuli · 02/07/2015 14:24

It is mostly mums who bake but then it is mostly mums on the school run too. Not the fault of the school. It's society or people's own choices that make it so.

Any guilt comes from yourself. I have never known anyone comment on anybody not baking, loads of people don't, and actually hardly anyone knows who has, there are just tons of cakes.

Also anyone who spends on expensive ingredients eg "Buerre D'Isigny, undyed glacé cherries" (as above) is a fool. I use basics flour, sugar, cooking marg, basics eggs and some glace icing. If they're lucky they get some raisins thrown in or chocolate chips. I make about 30 small cakes probably costs me about £2 -£3 max and takes me maybe half an hour. They are sold for 30p so that makes the school £9.

A friend of mine once made salted caramel brownies for a cake sale. I asked for the recipe as they are lush but would never make them for school, way too expensive and labour intensive plus I want to eat them ALL myself.

As stated above, lurid coloured icing and sprinkles are all the kids want. Or chocolate crispie cakes (30p for 100g basics chocolate and a few handfuls of rice crispies will make at least 20). I've never known parents buy cakes for themselves, it's just for the kids.

Also people who are talking about cakes not being sold, we almost always sell out of all cake within about 10 minutes, and yes the shop bought ones do get left til last so there clearly is still a place for homemade cakes.

MrsKoala · 02/07/2015 14:40

Ds1 is at a pre-school which is affiliated with the local church. They are amazingly wonderful people. Ds1 has asd and is very difficult and they have been nothing but loving towards us. When we moved to the area they couldn't have done more for us (despite us being atheists and not attending the church). They support the local community massively, free coffee mornings twice a weeks, dads and kids Saturday groups etc. I wanted to bake for them because I wanted to show how grateful I am for their kindness and I want to support the local community. The people purchasing the cakes for pennies were not kids, but quite a lot of very elderly and some homeless people, they got to enjoy a cake and a tea and company at the fete for next to nothing. I am pleased to have been able to donate my time and the cost of the ingredients, to a) support the school and b) let the cakes be sold cheap enough that those less well off can purchase them.

I donated a brand new baby walker that we had 2 of. I could have taken it back and donated the £25 to the school but, I was glad they sold it to someone for £6. That person may not have been able to afford to buy it from a shop. A lot of these sales support the local community in other ways than just raising money for the school. I would say there are often indirect benefits of these fetes to lonely, vulnerable, and less well off people. And as part of the community that is a good thing for a school to be part of.

There were certainly no show off bells and whistles cakes and I don't know who baked any of them, I didn't see anyone else's when I took mine in and no one saw mine.

Perhaps it depends where you live or whether you are at a different school, I don't know. This was my first one and I thought it was great.

DeeWe · 02/07/2015 14:46

Never been a waste of my time. Either the dc do it or dh does it. I bake enough other stuff.