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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baking for school is a waste of women's time?

194 replies

SayThisOnlyOnce · 02/07/2015 10:06

Not a taat but I have seen various posters mentioning 'and I've got to bake for the school fair/sale' amongst many other things they need to do.

If you LIKE baking, fine.

But most people seem to find it a chore. I have never baked for school and I don't intend that I ever will. I've never encountered a dad stressed out because he has been guilted into agreeing to bake something he doesn't really have time for.

IME the cakes are sold really cheaply anyway. If you costed the time and ingredients I'm sure its making a loss, ie it would be cheaper not to bake and just stick money in a bucket.

It just seems to be another form of everyday sexism.

OP posts:
NynaevesSister · 02/07/2015 11:05

Ha of course get knew. They just didn't care. Most of the time the kids but for the icing :)

MrsMcColl · 02/07/2015 11:05

Am reminded of that line in 'I don't know how she does it' about 'distressing' the bought mince pies at midnight with a rolling pin...

WhattodowithMum · 02/07/2015 11:06

Snap! My cakes are in the oven as I type for the school fete on Saturday.

I don't love to bake. I am a SAHP, I get guilted into it. I don't know if they even cover the cost of ingredients when they sell them. My time isn't considered at all. I suppose I could just give the cake stall a fiver, but I think I'd be seen as a spoil sport. Ah well, primary school doesn't last forever!

Original poster
SayThisOnlyOnce · 02/07/2015 11:08

I think the DC are bloody lucky to be getting the education they are. I suppose I give 'the bare minimum' to the PTA because I don't think they want for much; most of my charity donating is for other causes which I see as more needy than a naice school in a naice area iyswim.

OP posts:
DancingDinosaur · 02/07/2015 11:08

I never got the point when shop bought cakes are so cheap. Better to just buy them and donate the extra spent on home made cakes. Am sure the pta would prefer the extra cash, they are fundraising after all.....

thankgoditsover · 02/07/2015 11:11

All these people who think that's it better to bung them a fiver - how many of you actually do it?

I do agree that it's not a particularly efficient way of raising money, nor is the fair, but it's not entirely about fundraising and nobody seems to be giving money in lieu of time anyway.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 02/07/2015 11:11

We always ask parents for cakes, not mums. Cakes may be homemade or shop bought and there is no obligation to do either or to come along and buy them either. Although buy is the wrong word, we don't sell them, we give them away for a donation, so no one can ever complain that their cakes are sold for less than the price of the ingredients. They sell out every time and make upwards of £1000 a year for the school. The only reason it's mainly mums doing it is because it's mainly mums who get involved in most school / PTA activities.

MrsMcColl · 02/07/2015 11:13

Thank god - thank you - 'it's not entirely about fundraising'. I knew it!

BarbarianMum · 02/07/2015 11:14

You can buy or bake for dc's school. I worked the cake stall at last weekend's fair and at £1 a slice for the bigger cakes we definately did more than cover the cost of ingredience. But baking isn't compulsory - there are lots more ways of contributing (like volunteering to help on the day, or selling raffle tickets). Personally I like baking.

PTA funds contribute to costs of all school trips and have also just bought half a dozen picnic benches for the playgrounds and field so I'm always happy to help out just as long as I don't have to join the committee

Hygellig · 02/07/2015 11:14

I think it's a waste of time if you don't have the time, but if you do, and you like baking, then there's no harm.

DS's school fair is tomorrow evening and I might see if they want to make a cake today, but if they don't, I'm not going to stay up at night making one. There would be too much cake if everyone brought one in (agree with the PP who said that all the children really want is a dollop of icing - at least mine do!)

MrsMcColl · 02/07/2015 11:14

I was thanking the poster called 'thankgod', btw!

HicDraconis · 02/07/2015 11:15

I bake for school events (and DH is the sahp, I also work 60h a week - for whoever said the bakers were sahm!)

It takes about 90 seconds to melt chocolate, butter and syrup while a pack of digestives and handful of maltesers is blitzing in the mixer - then another 30s to mix melted chocolate, crumbs and the rest of the maltesers and press into a tin. Alternatively it takes 15 mins to weigh and mix a buttermilk sponge up, or chocolate chip cupcakes, plus around 45 mins cooking time (during which you obviously do something else). I adore baking with my boys - where's the wasted time?

Many of the fathers at the boys' school also bake (some sahp, some work part time, one is a full time chef - I always try and buy his!) - nowt sexist about it. Good fundraiser too.

blink1552 · 02/07/2015 11:15

I do it because it's not too arduous and DC love to buy cakes from the sale. The HM ones are much more popular than bought ones.

However I hate it when they are sold for 10p and will tend not to bother again if they do that. Waste of my time and money.

formerbabe · 02/07/2015 11:15

I love baking so am always more than happy to make something for the school cake sale....I have to say though, I spend way more on ingredients than they make on them...financially, they'd be better off with me just donating that money instead.

BitterChocolate · 02/07/2015 11:19

At the DC's school the children get a night off regular homework and are supposed to do the baking as their homework. Homework with my DC needs quite high input from me so it is less time and effort to do the baking than the homework. When H does the baking he does it with the DC and, judging by the shouts of frustration and the mess afterwards, it is pretty stressful (chocolate rice krispie buns). When I do the baking I do it myself, I always do the same recipe (Anzac biscuits) and the DC help by eating the mis-shapen ones and it only gets a little bit shouty. (Then I buy back my own biscuits because I assume everyone else's DC are as reluctant as mine to wash their hands.)

I don't think that it's sexism on the part of the school, because they want the pupils to do the baking and have the same expectation of boys and girls. Whether there is a sexist expectation within families that the Mum will do it, I can't say. But on the whole if there is a SAHP then it seems to be that he or she does it, and if both parents are working full time they often donate a shop-bought cake.

Postino · 02/07/2015 11:23

Completely agree with you OP, about it being everyday sexism and a waste of women's time.

It's all wifework

tumbletumble · 02/07/2015 11:25

I certainly don't think there should be pressure on mums to bake - it should be perceived as perfectly okay to buy cakes for the cake bake / support the school in other ways / not support the school at all if you've made a considered decision that your money is better spent elsewhere.

I bake sometimes (to a very mediocre standard), other times I buy cakes. I don't feel guilty about the latter. I also give a huge amount of support to the school in other ways.

I think some mums do seem to feel that pressure / guilt, which is a pity, and I agree with the OP that there is an element of sexism here as men don't seem to feel it.

However, I think it would be a shame to cancel the bake sales for all the reasons given up thread (some mums like baking, the kids love the bake sales etc).

derxa · 02/07/2015 11:25

What a depressing thread. Surely cake sales and the like are part of the fabric of school life. All the drama!! There was an old thread about 'The Lemon Drizzle Cake Woman' which ran and ran.

morelikeguidelines · 02/07/2015 11:28

I don't bake for the school because 1. I'm not a good baker, and 2. I don't have time.

I don't feel guilty about it.

DH bought quite a lot of the cakes at the fete though. So win/win for us. Grin

I think maybe what is sexist is families expecting that if anyone is going to do this it will be the woman, i.e. fathers who do have time and could bake a cake still not doing it. If they are thinking it's not their role as men.

If other mothers were nagging you to do it and not bothering any of the fathers that would be sexist, but not just a sign saying "could parents bake cakes" etc.

MidniteScribbler · 02/07/2015 11:29

My dad used to do all the baking when I was at school :)

morelikeguidelines · 02/07/2015 11:29

PS Just to be clear I am glad that some people bake the cakes because it is a nice thing. Grateful to them.

I did run a stall for an hour at the fete which I quite enjoy. There were dads doing it too (and a grandad) and not only on beat the goalie!

twinkletoedelephant · 02/07/2015 11:32

I use to make fresh chocolate muffins all cakes are sold at 3 for a £ I now by cheap pre made plain cup cakes and her the kids to decorate them with icing and sweets. Saves me money and they sell for the same money anyway.

Our school make dar more flogging ice pops after school on a hot day than cakes every few months

ToysRLuv · 02/07/2015 11:33

Having no bake sales is not depressing. I come from a country with a fully funded state school system and no ptas, so no bake sales. I think a lot of the things funded by the pta are unnecessary, anyway. I only expect school to educate my children in a safe environment, not to provide entertainment, events, trips, etc. DS hates most of that stuff anyway.

Original poster
SayThisOnlyOnce · 02/07/2015 11:33

"they have to show that they are Mothers not Selfish Career Women." YY. The number of times I hear mums explaining apologetically 'because I work'. Another thing dads don't have to explain.

Interesting how the Baking Dads mentioned on this thread seem to be either SAHDs or Professional Chef Catering Men.

Whereas there are plenty of WOHM who manage to bake because 'its not that hard' or buy cakes or disguise shop cakes so they have done this correct mother thing. But the WOHD don't seem to feel the need.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 02/07/2015 11:35

I'm an anomaly here because I am a woman but I bake for what I laughingly call my living. So is it sexist to expect me to bake for cake sales? Grin