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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross that DH has taken himself on holiday for a couple of days without saying

107 replies

fluffybunnies246 · 01/07/2015 21:24

I only found out after I text him to ask where he was.

He said he needed to get away to 'clear his head' so has taken a couple of days off work and gone to the seaside. I'm here with the kids.

Found out last night he'd cheated on me. I was extremely upset, then we agreed to try and work things out. But now he's just b***d off!!!!

He seems to think that this is ok behaviour. He's said 'sorry'. It's not the first time he's just taken himself off. He said he'll see us Friday night. I'm thinking that actually, perhaps the kids and I deserve some time away too and maybe we should go camping for the weekend. Which is partly me being immature and partly the kids love camping and it's really, really hot in our bedrooms.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 01/07/2015 21:43

What a bastard, he should be grovelling and apologising, instead he has chosen to try to switch to himself in the poser seat and you begging him to come home!

Don't do it. Change the locks, leave his essentials out in bin bags for him and do not answer when he rings or texts to find out where you and the DC are.

Then and only then, when you return in your own good time, reconsider if you want to!

NotGoingOut17 · 01/07/2015 21:43

Gosh I'm sorry OP - what a prick. That is bad enough in the context of any relationship (you know, meant to be a partnership so respectful to run arrangements by the other party) so I was already shocked but in the context of what you found out last night that is hideous behaviour. Sounds like the behaviour of someone who thinks his card is marked and is past caring about behaving like a decent human being. What a selfish dick.

MammaTJ · 01/07/2015 21:43

power seat, not poser seat!

Finola1step · 01/07/2015 21:43

So you found out last night. And he has now done a disappearing act. Sounds very, very suspicious to me.

I think you should have a good hunt around. Has he taken his passport, important documents? Have you got a joint bank account? If so, you might want to transfer some money into an account of your own.

I'm really sorry OP. I've been on mn a long time and read many Relationship threads where the OH has cheated. I can't recall any situation where the h gets found out, takes himself off for a few days, and comes back ready to work on the relationship. He's up the something. There's more to come. Make sure you've got your rl support on standby. Flowers

GoodArvo · 01/07/2015 21:46

Please will people stop suggesting that she change the locks. This is not legal if he is a joint owner or joint tenant. Even if he was a lodger she would need to give "reasonable notice".

Have a look at citizensadvice.org.uk and search "changing the locks".

Just to preempt the first person to suggest this - you can't walk into a solicitor's office and expect half an hour of free advice.

honeyroar · 01/07/2015 21:47

Yes, get everything organised while he isn't here. This is just another let down on top of the cheating. Get some support around you. Nobody with any worth will say I told you so. Decide what you want to do. Clear your own head while he's not around. Try and have a nice weekend with the kids.

As an aside, my ex went off for a long weekend while he cleared his head. I found out later he took another woman he was sleeping with along for the ride too...

OhEmGeee · 01/07/2015 21:48

LTB, really. You deserve so much more.

Ledkr · 01/07/2015 21:50

Oh come on, you have to take control here, he's treating you like shit, you wouldn't feel any worse if you finished it and made a better life for yourself and the chikdren.
Don't allow him to humiliate and hurt you anymore.

MammaTJ · 01/07/2015 21:50

X post! NO NO NO!! NO NOTE! He did not give you that consideration!

mynewpassion · 01/07/2015 21:50

Likely he's wuth the other woman. Have his bags ready for him. Better yet, send them to his parents and tell him, he can go there while you take a long holiday away from him.

MammaTJ · 01/07/2015 21:51

I'm with Finola on this, what's the betting he is having a 'make or break' few days with the OW!

IcecreamHavoc · 01/07/2015 21:52

I'm so sorry, OP.

I suspect he's with her. I'd be taking 3/4 of the money since you have the children as well. If it was just you and dickhead then 50/50 but it isn't so...

DartmoorDoughnut · 01/07/2015 21:54

Glad you're ok fluffy

Malenky · 01/07/2015 21:54

Joining the bandwagon to say PLEASE use that anger to leave him OP, he is not only a cheating bastard but a coward too. He should be on his knees at home begging you to take him back, not at the seaside leaving you alone with children who are his children that he is responsible for too! Enjoy your camping and write a really horrible passive aggressive note before ripping it up, writing a breezy neutral one and sticking it to the door that he won't be able to open with the changed lock.

Iwasbornin1993 · 01/07/2015 21:55

What an utter bastard Shock definitely go camping with the DC OP!

AlpacaMyBags · 01/07/2015 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eggyface · 01/07/2015 22:00

I really wouldn't go camping much as you'd like and deserve a break. I think he is with OW. At the very least he's checked lut if the marriage. You need to get documents together, get real life friends to help you, sort out your finances, tell some people.

don't waste time on petty gestures like
notes or holidays.

I'm so very sorry for you and your children.

Canyouforgiveher · 01/07/2015 22:01

He is trying out the other woman to see if he'd prefer to be with her.

He has no respect for you.

I'd be tempted to text back "well who is minding the children then because I have also gone away to clear my head for a few days?"

Definitely go camping for the weekend. Don't leave a note and don't answer texts.

eggyface · 01/07/2015 22:01

checked out I mean

Lonecatwithkitten · 01/07/2015 22:01

Taking off to clear head - does not value the relationship enough to stay and fight for it. As others have said there is a really good chance OW is with him.
Three years ago ExH did the same. Wise ones on MN advised me he should be falling at my feeling begging me to let him say. I couldn't see it at the time.
They were right, if he really wants to save the marriage he should be working his arse off to impress you.

CalmYoBadSelf · 01/07/2015 22:05

I would not be going away and leaving him in the family home. Use the time to seek out and copy any documents, take advice, check bank accounts and plan your course of action

SocialMediaAddict · 01/07/2015 22:08

He's with the OW. Very similar happened to my friend.

Get your ducks in order. I seriously wouldn't leave my house uninhabited this weekend. Get copies of anything important.

GERTI · 01/07/2015 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 01/07/2015 22:14

This is one of the worst dh cheating stories I have ever read on here. Who the hell does he think he is?

GERTI · 01/07/2015 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.