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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say something about an email addressed "Dear Ladies"?

210 replies

SilverBirchWithout · 01/07/2015 16:20

I've just received an internal email (from someone I have not met) addressed to myself and a colleague. It opens with "Dear Ladies", I personally find the general term "Ladies", unless used in a light-hearted way, quite sexist.

I'm now being really judgy about the person who sent it, I assume they are male, but they have an unusual first name, so it's not clear.

  1. Would you be as irritated as I am?
  2. Does it make any difference if they are another woman or a man?
  3. Would you say anything? If so what?
  4. Should I bother to actually respond to their request for info, as it is readily available on the organisation's intranet?

Or am I just hot and grumpy?

I work for enlightened organisation, which amongst other activities, campaigns on improving women's rights in the UK and overseas.

OP posts:
SilverBirchWithout · 01/07/2015 17:54

The thing is our email addresses are our names, so why not use them?

In my mind he was addressing us as "ladies" because he was a man, in a higher grade (another department) asking us to do something that he was perfectly capable of doing himself.

Why on earth would I wish to do this favour? Although I have of course sent him a link, because I'm not a total arse Grin

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 01/07/2015 17:56

What about Dear All. It's the "dear" that creates the higher degree of formality.

StrumpersPlunkett · 01/07/2015 17:59

I use ladies all the time, I find it a way of being respectful to the ladies I am talking to in the same way as I feel there is a difference between a man and a gentleman.

SilverBirchWithout · 01/07/2015 18:06

But I actually find it disrespectful!

OP posts:
AliceAnneB · 01/07/2015 18:06

As a rule, in a business email I would never address anyone by a characteristic you would find on a demographics form. I would say Dear Black guys or Dear Americans or Dear Gents. Dear Both or Dear All. Otherwise it's a bit presumptive that you indeed know these qualities about someone you work with. Not to mention these qualities shouldn't matter in a work place.

That said I would and have addressed an email to friends that started with Dear Ladies. It's more informal and intimate to me. That said if I received a Dear Ladies work email it wouldn't put my nose out of joint. I would just think the sender and want very professional.

AliceAnneB · 01/07/2015 18:08

Holy lack of proofreading batman. Eek! Blush

StrumpersPlunkett · 01/07/2015 18:09

Sorry stupidly just seen it was a work email..
I don't work in that kind of business so wouldn't be sending work emails.
just to groups of friends organising social gatherings.

SilverBirchWithout · 01/07/2015 18:11

I'm not a lady...particularly true in this heat...but a person, a human being, a mother, a wife, a colleague and maybe a woman, but I am certainly not a lady, unless you are 5 or 6 years old!

OP posts:
PosterEh · 01/07/2015 18:13

Even if you think it's "just a descriptor", what is it which makes gender/sex acceptable to describe whereas "dear whites", "dear blondes", "dear tall people" isn't? They are all equally irrelevant but one is socially acceptable where the others wouldn't be.

wafflyversatile · 01/07/2015 18:15

I can see in your context it could be condescending.

I think in emails it's more appropriate to say Dear Jen and Beryl, assuming that those are your names.

but if someone starts a speech, Ladies and Gentleman no one thinks the speaker thinks they are L+G rather than just men and women.

manicinsomniac · 01/07/2015 18:16

Gosh, I would have thought Ladies would be the correct, PC and respectful term to use. I'm amazed that it could actually be seen as offensive! Why??

Girls - no way, cringey and offensive.
Women - meh, no feelings either way but makes me feel old for some reason
Ladies - yes, this feels right to me.

One of my colleagues refers to groups of our children (we're teachers) as 'Ladles and Jellybabies' instead of ladies and gentlemen. I rather like it!

SilverBirchWithout · 01/07/2015 18:16

I think in a lot of work places, like mine it really is no longer socially acceptable.

OP posts:
MaggieJoyBlunt · 01/07/2015 18:17

'Ladies' as a collective noun drives me batty. It's outdated and 'women' is always more appropriate (with a free pass if you're provincial and over 70, IMHO).

BUT, as a form of address, it's the equivalent of 'gentlemen', only slightly archaic, polite and basically okay.

GertrudeBell · 01/07/2015 18:17

Why is it sexist?

SenecaFalls · 01/07/2015 18:18

How would an email be addressed to Tom and Anne as opposed to Jane and Anne? Do that.

MaggieJoyBlunt · 01/07/2015 18:20

I'd be a hell of a lot more offended to be addressed as 'Hi Guys' TBH.

NorahDentressangle · 01/07/2015 18:23

If your names were CLEAR from your emails then it's wrong but if your names could be Kirsty and Sue when your addresses are Kirsten and Susan then maybe you would use Ladies to cover for the fact you can't remember their usual names.

Homemadeapplepie · 01/07/2015 18:24

I never start an email with "dear"- I can't be the only one? I always put just the person's name, or "All" if it's to a few recipients. It wouldn't bother me to receive an email addressed to "Ladies" (unless the tone of it was patronising) but "Dear Ladies" I wouldn't like, so imo yanbu.

SilverBirchWithout · 01/07/2015 18:27

I'm not sure Gertrude but it certainly feels it when used in general communications. I guess it's a little like some of the racist nouns that we no longer find acceptable.

It is a word that has been used in a derogatory sense in the past. Someone mentioned Ladies Day at Ascot above, as an example of an OK use. I don't agree, I think it helps highlights that women are "other" not part of the normal group, they should dress and behave in a certain way. They are other implications like behaving in a ladylike way, certainly ladies is sometimes used in a mildly light-hearted and derisory way by men.

OP posts:
Wittynewnameifonly · 01/07/2015 18:30

Oh FFS. In what way is the term 'ladies' sexist?! Descriptive perhaps albeit in a way you're not keen on.

I wonder how some people get through life, I really do.

Couldn't agree more!

I also sometimes address business emails as Morning Ladies etc but obviously only when I know all the recipients are female.

ItalianLemons · 01/07/2015 18:31

I don't know but how lovely to work for an enlightened organisation doing what they do.

LizardBreath · 01/07/2015 18:32

Hmm if I'm writing an email to two people that I know are men, I'll quite often but 'gents' so therefore if someone was writing to me and another female I wouldn't be offended by 'ladies' it's just a form of address.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 01/07/2015 18:32

Hi I personally wouldn't mind that term of address by email at all, and do get the sense you're almost trying too hard to be offended, however I think I can see your point to a certain extent...

Once at work, I was in a meeting made up of all women except for one man. He addressed the group as 'ladies' as he made his point and it struck me as slightly wrong because it was unnecessary - he could have just made the point without the address. It was suggesting he saw our sex first and foremost before our professional capacity. However it was a fleeting thought and I was not genuinely offended.

In response to your question 3 above, what do you want to achieve (e.g. that it never happens again / an apology / a lesson is learnt)? Etc. That will inform what to say.

ACSlater · 01/07/2015 18:41

I often start emails to all women with "hi ladies". I wouldn't stop on someone else's say so and I certainly am thinking.

NRomanoff · 01/07/2015 18:47

winter exact, since the OP doesn't know the person enough to even know if its a man or a woman, she can't possibly know how they start emails to men. So why the jump to sexisim?

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