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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Are my dresses unreasonable for the school run?

457 replies

MyNameIsPinkiePie · 01/07/2015 10:35

I wore the black dress yesterday (see pics) and got a filthy stare off a woman pushing a buggy on the school pick up. I don't think I had my kids with me at that point. I later wore the dress to a Christian youth group, in fact I wore it to the office earlier the same day and it seemed fine. Today I had both kids on the way to school, I was wearing the dark red dress with a black cardigan. I got another long glare from the same woman, it was her staring that made me realise it was her again! I wouldn't wear the dark red dress to the office and I have pinned it to make it less low on the bust. They are both soft jersey dresses. But are they really that bad and does it make a difference whether I'm a mother or on the school run as to whether these outfits are appropriate?

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 01/07/2015 16:55

Your figure is lovely OP.

You do look great.

BreakingDad77 · 01/07/2015 17:03

You need you hair scraped back, tank top, and trackies with juicy across your butt, get with the program Grin

You look fine, women are crazy lol

TheHumblePotato · 01/07/2015 17:04

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Flowers All clear or too soon to tell?

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 01/07/2015 17:08

You confused me there potato Grin.

Final scans in august, then hopefully NED! Smile

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/07/2015 17:11

Not interested in continuing a chat about this thread, Where but scrolled up because of Potato's post. Hope you get the all clear asap. 60 is the new 30 anyway... :)

TheHumblePotato · 01/07/2015 17:12

You look fine, women are crazy lol

Clearly women are indeed "crazy" BreakingDad77 As demonstrated by all the posters who told the OP that

  1. she looked fine
  2. to not give a shit about what others think
  3. to let go of her wrong beliefs wrt Muslims
  4. to get a grip
  5. to seek help if she finds herself constantly over thinking the most pointless of things.

Yes. You are right. We women are crazy. All of us. I'm sure you agree with the general sentiments expressed on this thread, as such it was so nice of you to not paint women with a broad brush stroke.... But umm, is that me being crazy??

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 01/07/2015 17:13

Thank you.

TheHumblePotato · 01/07/2015 17:19

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Let us know the score when you find out.

CoogerAndDark · 01/07/2015 17:20

It's important to her to cover up, OP. It doesn't mean she thinks you should too. You're ascribing attitudes to her she may not have and that are the worst sort of "oh them Muslims!" Bollocks so gleefully bandied about by racist twats.

netty7070 · 01/07/2015 17:22

You look fine OP. There are a million reasons why the lady might be 'glaring' at you. She was probably lost in her own thoughts.

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 01/07/2015 17:25

Some of these posts remind me of the days when MN was funny.

No one really gives a shit about what anyone's wearing whilst doing the school run, surely? I'm too focussed on whether DS is going to fall off his scooter or trying to invent an excuse to get me out of doing the housework.

Lateswim16 · 01/07/2015 17:32

See I wouldn't assume people were jealous of me if they stared or think if was because I looked so young or had on the wrong clothes.

No my immediate thought would be I have breakfast down me, dress on inside out or miss matching shoes.

Still each up their own.

MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 01/07/2015 17:40

Evening all

Thanks for the reports about this thread.

We'd like to remind you that, regardless of what you think are the OP's motivations for posting here, we'd appreciate it if you could use the same courtesy when posting messages on Talk as you would use when speaking to someone face to face.

Here is a link to our talk guidelines.

Now can we all get back to quietly boiling in the heat, please?

Thanks

Gabilan · 01/07/2015 17:53

"I'd like to avoid negative responses"

Trouble is OP, you can't do this, because you really have no control over how other people are going to respond. You can try to conform as much as you like but in the end, someone somewhere will always want to and be able to find fault. So, whilst you cannot control how other people react, to a degree you can control what you do and how you react.

Bear in mind that there are certain social conventions and occasions on which what we wear is quite circumscribed. Weddings, funerals, black tie events and so on dictate a certain dress code. There are, generally, more liberal dress codes for work but within certain parameters. Other than that, wear what you like and are comfortable wearing. There are many ways to build up your self esteem but I wouldn't start by posting in AIBU! Have a dig around on other bits of MN for advice on that. If your self esteem improves, you won't really care if someone occasionally glares at you, in fact you might not even notice or if you do, you'll think it really isn't anything to do with you anyway Smile

LapsedTwentysomething · 01/07/2015 18:01

OP, I'm sorry you've had such a mauling from so many posters on this thread. It's been an embarrassing overreaction to an innocuous OP. You look fine. I wish I could fit into wear those dresses and look half as good.

Roussette · 01/07/2015 18:23

OP - to look younger than you are, to you - is shitty, but please just bear in mind there are far more shitty things to have to contend with. My bestfriend is 3 years younger. On a trip the other day, someone thought I was her mother! There is another side of the coin and that is it. Your issues would be far worse if it was that way round. I was extremely pissed off I can tell you!

I just wonder if you are struggling enormously with life in general. These isolated incidents (muslim woman, woman thinking you look younger, woman in library, woman in toyshop etc etc) are just nothing. OK they are more than nothing to you, but it should be an incident that is forgotten within seconds. I am thinking you perhaps need to get some help with this because you are unduly worried and concerned that people are looking at you, think you are young, hate your face etc. They are just daft people saying things, or just randomly looking but not seeing. They probably haven't even registered you.

(Disclaimer - the girl who threatened to punch you was more than nothing, that would have unnerved me too)

velourvoyageur · 01/07/2015 18:29

OP I get what you're saying with the jealousy thing, don't worry, I don't at all think you've said anything bad

And what Lapsed said

I posted a really similar thread in S&B about whether my dress was too short looking for opinions and everyone was absolutely lovely which at the same time (I hope) truthful so I can't understand this reaction at all but I guess it's easy to get carried away.

GreenAugustLion · 01/07/2015 18:37

I like the red dress and that seems suitable dressed up or down for work/school run/nice meal etc - very versatile.

Personally I don't like the black dress with sandals as daytime wear...it looks a little formal and more like an office dress or a 'dressy' dress that should be worn with heels to me.

Original poster
MyNameIsPinkiePie · 01/07/2015 19:08

I know it's not a big deal and I shouldn't care if people judge. I know for a fact I was glared at, for longer than just looking and she made an effort to continue the look, on two different days. I wasn't looking for it and was taken aback. It doesn't happen otherwise in such an obvious way, more in a people just look around as their mind is wandering way. Yes there are some negative thoughts other times which aren't true, it can be a case of believing everyone is judgemental and then I judge everyone on what they are judging.

I remember the age comments because my husband doesn't believe it, neither do I but it happens. DH looks a bit younger too. I do understand the looking older thing is no fun either - My little sister was asked if she was her friend's mum. Although I'm sure it was a case of the friends in these situations looking younger than their age too. But being a mum I'd rather be older looking, being single and childfree I can see the benefits. I guess it's a grass is greener thing. Although I do feel a little envy at those who look older than they are, not because of wrinkles but looking sophisticated and wordy compared to my chubby baby face.

I am still a bit unsure of myself on cleavage specifically. I was an A cup and now a DD. I do see women looking great with a large amount of cleavage but worry about being totally inappropriate myself. I want to appear respectable but enjoy my clothes too. I know we can't please everyone and avoid all negativity but I don't want to fall into obviously traps.

Where - Fingers crossed it's all good. It really does make all the preoccupation with looks seem very silly. My mum had a mastectomy a few months ago and it's awful to go through but to be healthy and enjoy life is the priority.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 01/07/2015 19:31

The problem with the 'don't worry op, you look great' stuff is that it is ignoring the concerning aspect of the situation which is that the op assumes random events are about her.
Saying 'but you look fine' is the same as saying 'yes, the woman clearly had a problem with your outfit but you look fine'

Logic suggests that the glare or whatever it was probably had fuck all to do with the op yet she has so over worked her impact in the world that she is here, checking her outfit.

There is nothing in the outfit which would draw the eye let alone provoke hostility. I'm honestly not sure if soothing the imaginary anxiety is helpful.
My experience of anxiety is that the more you sooth, the more you validate the suffers imaginary concerns.

Op - I hope you are getting some real life support. Whoever told you that a random stranger threatening your toddler was motivated by jealousy sounds like a twat. Ignore them .

fiveofcups · 01/07/2015 19:37

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GingerFoxInAT0phat · 01/07/2015 19:53

I'm not keen on the dresses personally, but there is no way the ops legs are chunky!

Pagwatch · 01/07/2015 19:54

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Goshthatsspicy · 01/07/2015 19:55

five shut up!

Wideopenspace · 01/07/2015 19:57

Wow, five.

I'm fascinated to know why you said that. Do explain.