Are my dresses unreasonable for the school run?

[MyNameIsPinkiePie]

I wore the black dress yesterday (see pics) and got a filthy stare off a woman pushing a buggy on the school pick up. I don't think I had my kids with me at that point. I later wore the dress to a Christian youth group, in fact I wore it to the office earlier the same day and it seemed fine. Today I had both kids on the way to school, I was wearing the dark red dress with a black cardigan. I got another long glare from the same woman, it was her staring that made me realise it was her again! I wouldn't wear the dark red dress to the office and I have pinned it to make it less low on the bust. They are both soft jersey dresses. But are they really that bad and does it make a difference whether I'm a mother or on the school run as to whether these outfits are appropriate?

staywithme thanks for clearing that up. I've only continued to follow this thread in the hope you'd say

Lemonade I said irritation at people fishing for compliments, not envy at how they look.

Why do you think it annoys MN so much when someone says 'DS got an 8A in his year 6 SATS, can you tell me whether that's ok or should I be worried?' That person would get a much better response if they said 'whooop, I'm so proud of DS' rather than pretending.

Don't tell me what I'm envious of!

However, whether you were criticising her knees or not, I wouldn't say asking her if she thought of herself as jail bait gives you the moral high ground.

The op has been bullied on this thread, and I for one think it's disgusting.

you know spud, if your life experience and inner monologue leads you to disagree with me then I accept that. I don't however believe that you are in a majority.
as women we are judged primarily on our appearance. ugly a truth as this may be, it leads us to envy those who are more favourably appraised by mere accident of genetics.

I neither believe myself disingenuous to suppose that blind people do not often partake of debate on Internet forums.

I am of course willing to be pointed in the direction of the audio version of aibu.

Lemonade but what if everyone posting on this thread considered themselves more attractive than the OP? Statistically unlikely, but where does your assumption that everyone on here has had an unfortunate 'accident of genetics' come from?

I think you just have a sexist and slightly crappy view of the world and you're touting it on this thread because there was an opening... I don't think you actually have any authority in what you're talking about, though.

But her dd is not 15 or 16; op clearly says she's five... Even if the op is very early 20's; most people seeing a young woman and a little girl together don't immediately assume they're sisters. It sounds like a smarmy Leslie Philips type chat up line.

It remains a very odd thread.

As I said, I was very self conscious when younger - still am to tell the truth so I can sympathise with anyone feeling self conscious
The idea of making the leaps from 'one woman is staring' to 'is it my choice of dresses' to 'I'll put selfies on mumsnet' is still strange though.

If lots of people were staring I might assume it was my clothing. If one person is staring then that is one specific reaction so far more likely to be personal or peculiar to the starer.

One woman used to glare at me when I dropped DD at nursery. I never did find out why but whilst I thought she may dislike something about how I looked I would not have reached for 'is it my dress or shoes or hair ' because it is just one person. Plus the whole Christian thing I don't really get .

Weird threads tend to make people post weirdly in return.

you misunderstand me Original.
The OPs appearance is academic in this instance.

certain posters have taken umbrage as they have assumed that the OP intended to imply that she was being visually denigrated for being easy on the eye.

my point is that we all recognise the envy that it is assumed that the OP was attributing to the woman who was supposedly appraising her.

You can think I have a shitty view. that's fine.
I'll continue to think that you're kidding yourself.

Report them then, Where, there's no 'moral high ground' on this thread. An OP posted, people believed/disbelieved, much later others joined and some have formed a crusade. It's an odd thread and getting odder.

I don't believe that somebody who isn't new to the site, having knowledge of S&M and the other chat areas, would post selfies here along with the accompanying very dodgy comments.

Very easy to call 'bully' towards the end of a thread but do report if you think OP is being bullied. I'm no longer posting to the OP.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat You've said everything I was thinking. Not a nice thread to read.

The op has been bullied on this thread, and I for one think it's disgusting.

It is disgusting.

I thought people grew out of this shit when they became adults.

Some of the comments have been plain nasty and people should remember that there is a real person behind the screen.

You don't even need to read the OP's past posts to get an idea that she might actually be in a vulnerable place right now. Reading her updates shows that quite clearly, if you have an ounce of compassion that is. This post was a bad idea for her to post, but no excuse for being a complete arsehole to her.

The problem with the looking young thing is that people think it's a good thing and so a supposed stealth boast. It is not a good thing, it is shitty. People may deny it but younger people are treated differently to older people, they are respected and listened to less. A woman of 35 to 40 is not going to want to start chatting to another parent she perceives to be under 25 if not less. Or she believes is the sister of the child. There was a thread about teen parents, everyone denied they are judged - I don't believe this for a second - but they did admit that they'd worry they had nothing in common with someone so much younger and so less likely to chat to them.

The photos I only tried to pose to make sure you could see the dress properly, trying to put my hands somewhere not in the way is difficult and finding somewhere to do it without the sun flooding the picture. I lifted the skirt to show the length as it was behind the table. I don't take many pics, in fact the last may have been for the how old do you look app! I'm pretty boring and most social media stuff passes me by when others my age are taking selfies everyday or buying clothes to post pics on their fashion blogs. I'd hate to see one of you have a teenager DD posting super posie selfies but inside is anxious and full of self doubt but you say you don't believe she feels that way because of her Facebook pictures. And doesn't it say a lot that so many of you would never post on here for the potential ripping you apart.

I didn't initially mention she may be Muslim because of this reaction. But I didn't expect to have lots of posts on jealousy and realised that fact would change it. I doubt she was jealous and more likely didn't like my appearance in some way, presumably the extra skin on show. Lots of people have lots of extra skin out too, but I wouldn't have said British because its an incredible diverse population in terms of colour and nationality, plenty of people who aren't British or white will be wearing shorts or dresses in this weather. or keeping covered when not Muslim like my Eastern European friend I saw on the school run. Perhaps she didn't like the dress but wouldn't say because she is a friend.

incidentally I personally think that decapitated OP is distinctly average in appearance.

many contributors are most probably more attractive than her. as I stated, this was never about her attractiveness.

Well tbf, I'm 10yrs older than my sister, so at 15, she was 5. I've also been repeatedly refused to be sold cigarettes without id (when it was 16 age limit), right up until my late 20s and got id'd for booze when I was 34, so I suppose at late 20s, if I'd had a five yr old daughter, if the person thought I was a teenager, they could have mistaken me for her sister.

But that's a bit of an aside really, it's the picking apart and questioning and sneering that's being done towards the op that warrants attention.

(Btw, I'm 36 now, just finished cancer treatment and look about 60, so no stealth boasts from me in this post )

not rtht, but am always amazed at women who say 'I went out and someone looked at me funny/glared at me/gave me the evils it must be because I am so young looking/slim/showing cleavage/they are jealous' - when I go out I am usually busy talking to whoever I am with or in my own little world oblivious of what is going on around me. You can only notice people looking at you if you are looking at them.

I do have a resting bitch face so perhaps it was me OP? Except I am not muslim and don't cover my head.
I think you need to take up a hobby or something. People really aren't as interested in you as you might (Want to) think.

She probably thought you looked hot as in over warm? One of the school mums had tights on yesterday.

Wow lot of jealous remarks. Op has lovely figure and I'd kill to be able to wear those dresses. I'd say she got killer glare because she too glamorous for school run
Lot of bitter auld wans on this site

Only cause you're a bitter auld wan, I'm sure, Pike!

So am I wrong, lying? What did that exchange mean? And the hp quote? Genuinely.

And I've reported the whole thread a long time ago because I think the reaction to the op has been horrid.

Fuck me this is a bitchy thread.

perhaps I was overstepping that and dressed disrespectfully where do you live?

op the dress is nice, nothing more nothing less and you look nice in it.

I agree with people saying perhaps its not YOU per see, I often have awful days, back to back right now and feel awful and angry and may look miserable and scowling if unfortunates catch my glare! BUt its nothing to do with them.

you look nice, be thankful and enjoy your dress and figure

But I haven't said people stare because they are jealous or because I'm anything worth noticing. I suspected it was a negative response and I'd like to avoid negative responses so perhaps is was my outfit, is my outfit inappropriate? Her being Muslim and feeling it is important to cover up makes me feel jealousy is even more unlikely.

On an occassion I was harassed by a random young girl with baby, threatening to punch me and my then two year old, i was told it could be jealousy. There was not reason for it, I walked past and suddenly it started. I don't even believe that was jealousy either. (More like that instant hatred thing in my mind where I have a face people like to hate, thankfully I won't post a pic).

Again looking young - lady in the toy shop was probably early 20s and told me she thought I was 18. It's not unheard of for a parent to have a baby when an older child is 13/14. I'm not making these judgements personally, it's random people.