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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to expect household items as gifts?

57 replies

3rdrockfromthesun · 28/06/2015 21:15

First time poster and long time lurker so please don't flame me. I will keep this short. MIL, since DP and I brought the house, has been giving me household cleaning items as presents, but DP gets non household items! This has included a peg bag with the reduced label still on (I aready have two), clips help change duvet covers, her unused freezer clips and clips for the ironing board.

AIBU to think that it is unfair to be given household cleaning items as presents just because I am female?!

How do I get her to stop without offending her too much?

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 28/06/2015 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe · 28/06/2015 21:17

I wouldn't bother. Just smile and say thank you.

Vivacia · 28/06/2015 21:20

Don't try to stop her. Just thank her nicely every time but give a little explanation like, "To be honest, DP does most of the laundry/cleaning/ cooking/ironing but I'll let him use this because it's so pretty/useful to never get used".

afterthought2 · 28/06/2015 21:24

My MIL does this too, but she is sweet and well meaning. The last delight was a hideous set of tea cups, when we only use chunky mugs. DP asked me the other day why I always serve FIL's tea in a hideous cup. I responded that he might take more notice of what his wife is purchasing us in future ...

Smartiepants79 · 28/06/2015 21:25

Gifts as in birthday presents? Or just stuff she brings along and gives to you when she visits?
If it's a birthday present then YNBU if it's just things she brings along then I would just smile, say thanks and move on.

beedeepullen · 28/06/2015 21:31

my dp mum gives both me and my dp house gifts. I absolutely love it. the other week we got a new Panini machine. its the thought that counts I suppose. at least her heart is in the right place. some mil can be dreadful. your lucky enough to have one who thinks about you even if the gifts are small or from the sale.

Original poster
3rdrockfromthesun · 28/06/2015 21:34

Smartiepants79 she gives it to me as both.

I wont say anything but it just makes me feel sad as I go to great lenghts to ensure that she doesn't get household items as my DM brought me up that way.

I just can't understand why it is me and not DP who gets the gifts? We live in the 21st Centry. Men do housework similar to women (okay I will get off my soap box now Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
3rdrockfromthesun · 28/06/2015 21:34

Smartiepants79 she gives it to me as both.

I wont say anything but it just makes me feel sad as I go to great lenghts to ensure that she doesn't get household items as my DM brought me up that way.

I just can't understand why it is me and not DP who gets the gifts? We live in the 21st Centry. Men do housework similar to women (okay I will get off my soap box now Blush

OP posts:
redshoeblueshoe · 28/06/2015 21:39

struggling to get off your soap box ? Maybe MIL has a handy gift to help you Grin Just get DH to suggest something you would like for your birthday/Christmas

Smartiepants79 · 28/06/2015 21:41

I get your point and I would get your DH to tell her what you want for your birthday.
The random gifts though, I'd just let it go.

fufulina · 28/06/2015 21:42

This happens to me as well - my DH gets gifts for him; I get stuff for the house/cleaning/cooking implements. From my DM and my DSis - drives me batshit. I'd rather have nothing rather than a sodding hand blender.

Vivacia · 28/06/2015 21:42

I would get your DH to tell her what you want for your birthday.

Confused that's not how presents work.

Smartiepants79 · 28/06/2015 21:42

My mum is the opposite, she makes sure household stuff is shared between me and my DH!

soloula · 28/06/2015 21:46

I'd be getting her a tea cosy (that doesn't match her colour scheme) for her next birthday but that's just me. Grin

Smartiepants79 · 28/06/2015 21:55

If you have specific things you would like the you request them.
You don't expect to get them necessarily but you can ask.
Well you can in my family!
If you don't ask then you can't moan about people getting it wrong.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 28/06/2015 22:08

She knows her sons likes well, she doesn't know yours, she doesn't want to get you a hideous jumper or a pegging kit you won't use. So plays it safe with a gift that while not nice, at least it's not completely wasteful.

YABU, get your DH to give her some ideas, or ask her to give you nothing. MIL's buying their DIL's presents is just odd.

hedgehogsdontbite · 28/06/2015 22:10

There's a clip that helps you change duvet covers?

DonkeyOaty · 28/06/2015 22:30

Yes yes duvet cover clip thingie details pretty please

Ludways · 28/06/2015 22:43

My mil is great and would never get me anything household, YANBU.

My dad once bought my mam a hand blender for Christmas. He got out of hospital eventually and never did it again! Lol

emms1981 · 28/06/2015 22:55

My dh nan does this with me. I once got a pop up laundry basket the kind you get from the pound shop Hmm the year before last I had a cheese board that had clearly been in a drawer for years, last year I had a callender that was to big to hang anywhere in our house. I used to get nice things so don't know what I did wrong

BuggersMuddle · 28/06/2015 23:47

fredfred I'm rather glad my MIL doesn't get me a pegging kit (hideous or otherwise) that we er, won't use. Shower gel or cheap wine sound blardy wonderful tbh.

ASettlerOfCatan · 28/06/2015 23:52

Fredfred why is a mil buying her dil a present odd?

I always got chocolate from mine. I am good with this.

Fatmomma99 · 29/06/2015 00:17

fredfred - I'm with you!

3rdrock - you are describing my mother! I saw this thread earlier, but had to rush off and couldn't post, and now it's late and I'm tired and need to go to bed, but have to say:

My mother REGULARLY gives the WORST gifts. She re-gifts crap she has been given with no shame (possibly to the person who gave it to her in the first place). She gets really excited by awful catelogues through the door, scrutinises them carefully, and BUYS the crap and THEN gives it away as presents. (cue many bemused relatives at christmas, etc).

The worst one was when my DH and I got married we lived in a shared house for 3 years with my BFF as landlady. Finally got enough money to buy our own place, and my BFF/landlady took time off work to help us move and helped us pack, hump boxes, etc. She worked like a slave for 3 days (possibly glad to be rid of us!) My mum said "BFF/Landlady has been so great to you and DH, can I give her a present?" and gave her some horrible crusty bottle from the back of the drinks cabinet, which had obviously been there since the 70s. My mum HONESTLY thought she was saying thank you, and was GUTTED when I felt moved to say to her "this 'gift' was a total slap in the face". But I was moved to say something to mum because she really thought she'd been generous, but my BFF was really hurt to receive something so rubbish.

My mum buys FANTASTIC stuff for me. Like Fredfred said, it's cos she knows me.

I find myself strangely drawn towards Lakeland catalogues. Is it in the genes?

(sorry for all the caps - it's v late!)

Thatsafunnyface · 29/06/2015 09:06

MIL visited recently and was ironing DH's work shirts (he normally does them himself). She told me that she'd take me to the supermarket to get some cleaning stuff to get rid of the yellow armpit marks and teach me how to apply it!! Like I give a fuck what colour his shirt pits are.. I actually LOLed

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 29/06/2015 09:10

Complete opposite in our house, DH does the cooking and is always being given useful gifts like an apron, oven gloves etc from his parents whereas I get nice things!

It would annoy me too OP but not enough to actually say anything.

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