AIBU not to expect household items as gifts?

[3rdrockfromthesun]

First time poster and long time lurker so please don't flame me. I will keep this short. MIL, since DP and I brought the house, has been giving me household cleaning items as presents, but DP gets non household items! This has included a peg bag with the reduced label still on (I aready have two), clips help change duvet covers, her unused freezer clips and clips for the ironing board.

AIBU to think that it is unfair to be given household cleaning items as presents just because I am female?!

How do I get her to stop without offending her too much?

[newtonupontheheath]

My MIL does this. For Christmas I got 2 microfibre towels for drying dishes on. DH got a bottle of single malt and some debenhams vouchers.

I've also had tea towels, a baking dish and a big pan. DH had his birthday in May and got enough cash & vouchers to buy new work shirts, trousers and a pair of trainers

[Onecurrantbun]

I have had a slow cooker and a Dyson as birthday gifts and been delighted, as well as a coffee machine and a bedding set. I think the difference may have been that a) -they were from my own family who had sounded out whether they'd be gratefully received and b) they "felt" like gifts as they were nicer brands than I would have bought myself so felt like a treat

YANBU to feel irritated but I wouldn't say anything as she sounds a bit bonkers and is probably thoughtless.I would say it is usual for her son to get a "betyer" as in more expensive present and she's probably more thoughtful as she knows him much better than she knows your

[MagicalHamSandwich]

I feel your pain, OP, but I suggest you just grin and bear it. And, as someone mention upthread, by all means mention how helpful your DP is going to find the crappy gift since that is really one of his regular chores ...

ExMIL once gave me a ghastly bubblegum pink nylon negligée and told me it was so that her son had something to look at in bed. My therapist can still afford an extra holiday a year thanks to her!

[GardeningWithDynamite]

My PIL gave me a cheque for my birthday (yay!), which they also do for DH. However they also got me some oven gloves so I put them with the other two pairs of oven gloves they got me as previous presents. How many pairs of oven gloves do they think I need?

[cantbelieveimonhere]

People usually buy presents they want themselves. Maybe she wishes her own MIL was interested in the little things, maybe she thinks you need these items...

YABU BTW, presents are the choice of the giver. If you want something specific, go and buy it yourself! To want a "better" present is selfish IMO

[cantbelieveimonhere]

While it may not seem fair to you, as has been stated previously, your boyfriend's Mum knows him/his preferences a lot better.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Maybe you should buy her some tools for her birthday or Christmas, 3rdrock - I am sure we could think of some things she would see as being traditionally for men!

A can of WD40, maybe, or car maintenance classes!

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

"I wont say anything but it just makes me feel sad as I go to great lenghts to ensure that she doesn't get household items as my DM brought me up that way."

That's very nice of you but I'd stop doing that with her. In this case I'd give her similar gifts as that's clearly what she thinks women/wives should receive. if it's good enough for her it's good enough for you and, as a cantbelieveimonhere said upthread "People usually buy presents they want themselves".

[derxa]

My MIL has given us a variety of gifts in the past which included hideous vases which I left in my father's house in Scotland and never brought home. I have never mentioned any of this but DH tells her chapter and verse what has happened. As a result she now gives us clothes with receipt enclosed. It has never caused a rift because she is as blunt as he is and they discuss it as a joke. The difference here is that my MIL wants to please and your MIL seems to be making some veiled hints about housework in her gifts. I would just let it go chuck gifts in the bin

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

My nan is like this, but she honestly means well. She used to send me packs of tea towels when we first moved in and would tell me what a bargain she got. A bit like when I visited a couple of years ago in the summer and she had bought dd winter gloves and a hat because they were hugely reduced in wilkos . It all comes in handy at some point

[SunnyBaudelaire]

just do the same back for her, get a her a nice new mop bucket or similar

[TropicalHorse]

My MIL inexplicably gives me fancy paper napkins. All the time. Packets and packets of them. I don't know why. I'm tempted to send her a catering-sized pack for her birthday next month! Especially as I've just been enlightened about the buying presents they wish to receive!

[IHavemyownLighthouseyouknow]

My SIL gave all the women in the family a washing up brush for Christmas one year, so the following year we bought her a loo brush. She's given up on presents for me since then thank goodness.

[dixiechick1975]

Sounds like she reads those kleeneze/lakeland/betterware catalogues, finds some things handy and thinks oh DIL could use one too. I wouldnt say anything. Bought my mum a prop (for washing line) last week though. She was pleased.

[cantbelieveimonhere]

As a matter of interest, what "non household items" do you get your boyfriend's mum?

[Signlake]

I don't think it's too bad from MIL but I was recently called ungrateful by my SIL because I said I'd hate a steam mop from my OH for Christmas. How on earth would that make a nice Christmas present? If I need a new mop I'll buy one but it wouldn't be cause for a special occasion

[Signlake]

^ Luckily it wasn't my OH who suggested the steam mop. SIL was saying she'd just got a deal on one and I said I might pick one up too. Then she said well it's almost Christmas, ask OH for one. It would make a nice present

[DarylDixonsDarlin]

DMIL asked me once what I would like as a gift, cant remember whether it was Christmas or a birthday - but when I suggested some much longed for kitchen thing that I'd been wanting and would definitely use, she refused to buy it as it was a household item and apparently these shouldn't be given as gifts!

I'd happily receive household things as gifts from anyone, but I'd be less than impressed if DH was getting lovely frivolous presents. IMO its fine if it was something we would either love looking at (clock, vase, picture) or enjoy using/it would save us time and labour (steam mop, fab iron, top quality bedding, lovely set of knives etc) something treaty which we couldn't normally justify the cost of buying it ourselves. A 4 pack of hoover bags with those pop in fresheners, not so much

[DarylDixonsDarlin]

Though we have just bought a new washing machine and it is extra special, for the pleasure of choosing the one I really wanted I did offer DH that "it could be my birthday present"

[ArcheryAnnie]

Oh my GOD, MagicalHam. That is ...disturbing.

[KittyLovesPaintingOhYes]

The biggest joy of my divorce was ditching the dreadful MIL with her bloody dishwashing set prettily wrapped and presented at Christmas, and yes I did know she had low opinions of my housekeeping bloody anal cow would practically take a mug from your lips to wash it and made us wash dishes between the courses for Christmas dinner

however I can't justify the expense of want a cordless vac so I can hoover up after the dcs without getting Henry out and right now I wouldn't care who it came from!

[HarpyFishwifeTwat]

This happened to me once. We had taken PIL to Belgium for the Christmas markets and they bought us thank you gifts. Very specifically I was given a lace tablecloth (a beautiful one) and DH was given a big pile of lovely chocolate. If it had been both between us to share then I wouldn't have raised an eyebrow but it was made very clear that the tablecloth was for me and the chocolate for him. DH was outraged.

Nothing like that has ever happened since and I do wonder if he had a quiet word.

[3rdrockfromthesun]

cantbelieveimonhere in the past i have given her a radley handbag (from the outlet but still..), a clinque gift set, thing that you put your water in next to your bed (forget what it is called) and a decorative plate.

I have given her ideas of what to get me but she always does the opposite and then complains to DP that my reaction wasn't oscar ready .

I did have the idea of buying her a washing up bowl for her birthday with household cleaning items but was talked out of it by DP.

[PHANTOMnamechanger]

This thread reminds me of a joke, 2 middle aged ladies on a bus discussing what their DHs got them for xmas...

W1: my DH is crap at buying gifts, not a romantic bone in him, what did your DH get you?
W2: a new bag and a new belt
W1: Oooo, that sounds nice, lucky you!
W2: yes - and the hoover works much better now...
W1:

obviously the joke has aged rather, what with bagless vacs thesedays LOL

[Sapat]

I got a Dyson from mil for my 30th. We needed one but still... A few years later DH got a bread maker so that levelled things out.