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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make an "official" complaint?

152 replies

catfourfeet · 28/06/2015 20:50

Returning to camp site , I REALLY needed my asthma inhaler, I did have my "back up" inhaler in the car but it was on the last few (weak) puffs.

I came down the entrance Road (fenced off on both sides, clear line on site) faster than I should have.

As I got out my car to open the gate to the campsite proper the camp site owner (cso) came storming across to me.

cso "DONT you EVER come down my drive at that speedagain"

I appologised, he continued to absolutely RAGE at me , I continued to appologise ( as best I could with my asthma) but he just wouldn't stop.

At this point he came round my car AT me.

I said "if you come any closer I will consider it assault"

Cso " pack up your tent, FUCK OFF and dont come back"
He then stormed off.

I am totally ashamed to say I then realised I had partially wet myself.

I want to"officially " record this some how.

I don't want to report him as he has all my contact details from my booking.

Can I record this with the police but not have it go any "further" as it were ??

Then when I feel more able to handle things I can use my report as evidence.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 29/06/2015 11:34

I can't help thinking that for the owner to be that angry, the OP must have been driving very fast compared to the limit.

Jessica2point0 · 29/06/2015 11:48

I don't think many people think it's okay to drive fast around campsites. The OP has admitted as much herself. However, the man was absolutely not in the right. By the sounds of it his behaviour was illegal. I still can't believe how many people are standing up for the bully and basically saying the OP deserved it. That's really shit.

fleurdelacourt · 29/06/2015 11:49

Another hilarious 'AIBU?' thread where everyone says YABU and OP gets cross and thanks the few people who say YANBU....

Agree with Soupdragon - doubt the owner would have got that cross over 20mph?

You were in the wrong and he overreacted -I think you're quits and YABU to even think about complaining. Can you not see that he would just claim that you had driven at excessive speed on private land?

RandomFriend · 29/06/2015 12:10

A woman, having an asthma attack and desperate to get to her meds drives NOT at 100mph through the bloody tents themselves, but at about 20 down the empty and fenced off entry road, is verbally abused by some bully of a man (and she's right, he'd never have done it to another man) and is so scared she wets herself

That is how I read it too. YANBU, OP. I don't know enough about the law to know what would happen if you were to make a complaint, but YANBU to want to. Hope you feel better and are finding a campsite with a nice owner.

merrymouse · 29/06/2015 12:15

Without hearing the other side of the story, all that has been established is that somebody drove too fast and somebody shouted at them.

Heels99 · 29/06/2015 12:24

Meh, you were speeding, he intimidated you. It's not really a police matter particulalry as you don't want them to do anything about it.
I dislike this current obsession with informing the police about every dispute. If you believe a crime has been committed then do report it but don't then say you don't want them to do anything about it.

CatsCantTwerk · 29/06/2015 13:23

I said "if you come any closer I will consider it assault"

I'd tell you to pack up and fuck off also if you spoke to me like that.

YWBCU by speeding across his land, regardless of the circumstances.

Wheredidiputthekeys · 29/06/2015 20:21

Bloody unreasonable, you asked, you were.

fastdaytears · 29/06/2015 20:25

Jessica how? By the sounds of it his behaviour was illegal
He was shouting at her and coming towards her, but got nowhere near her by the sounds of it. Unpleasant and very, very rude but then people are. I can't see how he was any more illegal than anyone else who gets angry in a public place. I do not believe for a second that the police would do anything about it.
The Caravanning Club might if he's a member but not if no corroborating evidence I wouldn't have thought as they do like to get their fees...

fastdaytears · 29/06/2015 20:28

Sorry the Caravanning Club (for people who don't think it's fun to sleep in muddy fields) also do tent type campsites, but i guess there are other campsite governing bodies available.

It's not nice being yelled at. A Royal Mail driver totally lost it at me outside Reading station and I thought about reporting him but honestly he was just scared because my dozy driving had nearly just killed him and ruined his nice shiny red van.

BarbarianMum · 29/06/2015 20:40

Someone in the grip of a serious asthma attack should not be driving - there is no way you will be paying proper attention if you are struggling to breath. Having an accident wont help you get to your meds quickly either.

Next time OP either slow down, or if you can't wait, dial 999.

And no, he shouldn't have scared you like that but I'd assume that you were the straw that broke the camel's back.

Jessica2point0 · 29/06/2015 20:42

Intimidation is illegal. As is harassment. You don't have to actually touch someone in order for a crime to be committed. Nor do you have to make threats. Maybe I'm reading too much in to it, but frightening someone to the point they wet themselves would definitely fall within my definition of 'intimidation'. Whether or not the police could actually do something without further evidence is a different matter.

I experienced intimidation / harassment recently, but didn't report it until the next day because I wasn't sure it was a crime. The 101 operator (and my policeman friend) informed me that it was a crime, that it would have been dealt with as such had I reported it at the time, but they were unable to do anything when I reported it because I didn't know the people involved. If it happened again I'd dial 999 immediately, and I'd encourage others to do the same.

I also think that reporting these things is important, as it helps the police, local council and government to keep track of where incidents are occurring. It also sends the message that this behaviour is unacceptable. It gave me a sense of control over the situation - though I didn't stand up for myself at the time (out of fear), I'm not prepared to accept that harassment / intimidation is "just one of those things".

And I think it is relevant that the OP said she didn't want the police to follow up because the man had her contact details (ie knew where she lived). Which suggests to me that she must have been very frightened of him.

fastdaytears · 29/06/2015 20:45

A one off incident is not itimidation or harassment. There's the old common assault thing of putting someone in immediate fear of harm but a) no one ever seems to have gone for that and b) there was no immediate fear of harm here. It's not this guy's fault if him shouting at her made her think he was going to hurt her.

A consistent compaign of aggression is totally different of course and horrendous.

Jessica2point0 · 29/06/2015 21:00

I didn't think that intimidation had to be ongoing. I'll try to dig out the info from my incident to check.

I do think it's reasonable to conclude that the OP felt in immediate fear of harm, given that she lost bladder control. And that she posted here because she was worried about informing the police because the man has her contact details.

BathshebaDarkstone · 29/06/2015 21:02

I see it as any other medical emergency, obviously he wasn't listening to your explanation of why you were going too fast. I'm on your side.

fastdaytears · 29/06/2015 21:04

Jessica as far as I remember from criminal lectures (a long time ago) the fear of immediate harm is an objective test not a subjective one. So the OP was scared but if most of us wouldn't have been then it wouldn't count. It's all academic though because I don't know anyone who's actually been charged with common assault without a physical injury and watched almost all episodes of the Bill back in the day.

fastdaytears · 29/06/2015 21:05

Bath genuine question (or to anyone else who knows) are you allowed to speed in a medical emergency? Would you get let off a speeding ticket or something?

Melonfool · 29/06/2015 21:10

No. You are never "allowed" to speed, nor would you "get off", of everyone would just say that.

fastdaytears · 29/06/2015 21:12

Melon yes I would have thought that otherwise there would be loads of medical emergencies especially in those annoying average speed zones

merrymouse · 29/06/2015 21:14

I think even the emergency services have to document and explain every time they speed or run a red light.

Also, I think you can be prosecuted for not being in a fit state to drive.

Jessica2point0 · 29/06/2015 21:20

I seem to remember (though not sure because school was a long time ago) that technically ambulances and fire engines have to obey the speed limit, that only police cars are allowed to exceed it. Happy to be corrected though as my memory is fading (and the teacher may have been lying).

I don't think 'nobody gets convicted' is a good enough reason to not report. I wasn't there, but I think in that situation I would have been very frightened. That's the problem, I guess, with trying to figure out 'reasonable'. Everyone has different ideas.

Redglitter · 29/06/2015 21:38

merrymouse They do. any speed camera activations, any red light activations or bus lane use has to be documented on the incident they're going to. It's not something anyone will risk as any convictions go on personal licenses

merrymouse · 29/06/2015 21:42

the campsite owner would probably argue that he was frightened by the op's driving.

MayPolist · 29/06/2015 22:55

define 'came at me'

Nicknacky · 29/06/2015 23:03

Jessica, police officer aren't routinely permitted to exceed the speed limit. It has to be justified and documented. Without going into too much detail, I'm fully expecting to receive a 172 request soon for exceeding the speed limit on duty and I may receive points on my licence.