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AIBU to want to send my DC to private school after seeing kids in park?

463 replies

Fishnchipsagain · 24/06/2015 19:16

DS is 2 so schools haven't really been on our radar yet. But the local primary is rated Outstanding so we just assumed he'd go there in due course.

This afternoon we met some friends at a park at 4pm. The park is close both to the state primary and local prep but is not one we usually go to (and we normally avoid parks at school turning out time).

The park is big but was packed with school children most of whom looked about 7 or younger, so was pretty chaotic. Most of the kids were dressed in polos and shorts or summer dresses and looked pretty much the same. However I rapidly realized that the children in one uniform were generally behaving far better than the others, so I looked at the uniforms to see which schools the kids attended.

There was a lot of pushing and shoving between the primary school kids, and one was utterly foul mouthed. These kids were also the ones who tried to shove the toddlers out of the way on the climbing frame, were clambering the wrong way up the slide, not waiting their turn or yelling at/pushing my DS and his friends if they tried to go in the play house. They took no notice of me when I suggested they wait. One picked up my son's toy and pulled the string so hard he broke it, then just chucked it down and ran off laughing. Obviously they weren't all like this, but a significant number were.

In contrast, the prep school kids we met were universally respectful and friendly to the toddlers, waiting their turn and not sliding into the child in front, one said sorry when he ran into my buggy and they generally seemed to be playing much more nicely together and have more social awareness.

AIBU to want to send my DS private after witnessing this or am I just not used to 4-7 year olds and this is normal? Ive looked on the prep school website and we could just about afford it if we scrimped and saved.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 24/06/2015 20:01

We actually decided against a private Primary due to the pair of " robots "showing us around and I'm privately educated myself!!!
The state primary had a much more natural feel to be honest
I think yabu op based on one just one experience

chandalier · 24/06/2015 20:01

YANBU----trust your gut feeling. I think what you witnessed says it all and speaks the truth. Private schools are normally very good with discipline and good social skills. Everyone would send their child to private school if they could afford it. People get so defensive over this topic.

Denimwithdenim00 · 24/06/2015 20:01

That made me smile op.

My 4 go/went to the big outstanding comp in our town which is bang next door to a huge boarding/day private school.

The kids are generally friendly and lovely at both schools but the ones who really can't behave themselves and get insanely drunk at teenage parties are the ones form the private school. My dd recently had a party and her older brothers had to sling them out for bad and really childish behaviour.

Shame they are generally nice kids but spoilt by wealthy and daft parents.

Btw we could easily have afforded private education but wanted ours to mix with all sorts and it's worked out well for my 4.

Up to you what you do but you may want to look a but further ahead than the snap shot behaviour in a park and you know your 2 year old will be a horrible teen one day. Grin

ppolly · 24/06/2015 20:02

Probably the quality of education at a private school is better. However, you are conflating wealth and good manners. Good manners come from a thoughtful upbringing and can't be taught in school, only encouraged. The poorest, least educated person can be polite and have humility too.

usualsuspect333 · 24/06/2015 20:02

Well you would say that wouldn't you. Those fees pay your wages.

Denimwithdenim00 · 24/06/2015 20:02

chandalier just spat out my wine at your post. Very funny.

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 24/06/2015 20:03

Private schools have much smaller classes, so far easier for teachers to manage the class and teach good behaviour and manners.

But that's not to say privately educated dc aren't nasty/bullying/badly behaved they're just better at hiding it Wink

formidable · 24/06/2015 20:05

So why doesn't it cut both ways?

Apparently A1 parenting can override any negative influence from the state school cohort

But you're fucked if your child goes to the independent school, because all the best parenting in the world won't stop them becoming a drug taking, cenotaph defacing, artefact stealing wastrel....

hazeyjane · 24/06/2015 20:07

Everyone would send their child to private school if they could afford it

No they wouldn't.

I prefer my children to learn that their world isn't limited to one social group. I want them to realise that there are people from all sorts of homes and back grounds. I want them to mix with children with disabilities and SEN. I want them to learn that learning isn't (or shouldn't be) about money and class.

Supervet · 24/06/2015 20:08

My dd has experience of the private school system.

Some beyond awful behaviour happened including her being attacked and racist behaviour.
The private secondary has an awful reputation for drugs and we frequently had the train stopped due to their utterly appalling behaviour

MrsBB1982 · 24/06/2015 20:10

hazeyjane err. Private schools take disabled and SEN kids too. There was a girl with Downs Syndrome in my class. Not a valid argument

Sparklingbrook · 24/06/2015 20:10

I had a friend who worked at an independant school and from the experiences she reported I wouldn't assume anything.

DS1 started in reception in a class of 15 at a very small village primary, so small class sizes can be found at state schools.

SamVJ888 · 24/06/2015 20:10


If you think private schools don't have "chavs" then you're very much mistaken. They do, they just had a few more quid in their pockets that's all.

formidable · 24/06/2015 20:10

There are kids in private school with disabilities and SEN.

In my class I have Iranian kids, Korean kids, Russian kids, Chinese kids, kids from a handful of European countries and British kids.

How is that not learning about kids with different cultures?

They get to know local kids from different backgrounds at Brownies, swimming, street dance and gym class.

What exactly are they missing out on?

Ubik1 · 24/06/2015 20:11

Definitely, definitely choose the 'nice' prep with the 'nice' children.

They deserve you.

MaggieJoyBlunt · 24/06/2015 20:12

Everyone would send their child to private school if they could afford it

No. Really. Not everyone. Not by a long chalk.

MaggieJoyBlunt · 24/06/2015 20:14

Ubik Grin [grin Grin

yorkshapudding · 24/06/2015 20:15

I went to a private school. I did very well academically and the facilities were great but if you think private school guarantees that your child will be mixing only with "nice" children then think again. Bullying (i'm talking serious physical bullying) was rife and the school swept it under the carpet if the bullies parents made a "donation". Drugs too, if anything more money just means more and better drugs so private school is a great place to get an education in illicit substances! It was bitchy, cut-throat and competitive to the extent that a disproportionate number of students had problems with eating disorders, self harm and depression. The pressure to perform was immense. The entitlement and " I can do whatever I want, don't you know who my Father is?" attitude of some of the kids was sickening. I am fully aware that not all private schools are like this but I have met enough people with similar stories to know that my experience wasn't unique. Just putting it out there that private doesn't necessarily mean better.

Nolim · 24/06/2015 20:18

Op vosit the schools and see what they feel like.
And 2yo is not to early to be thinking about schools imo.

Cumbrae · 24/06/2015 20:20

Chandalier I am in the very fortunate position of being easily able to afford to privately educate my children. We choose not to.

Tree you do realise that your children will meet those 'chavs' you are avoiding at university and in the world of work...

I grew up in a very 'naice' area, we all knew that should you want to obtain drugs you could buy them from the local private school kids,as their schools were swimming with them.

Also all the state school girls knew not to date and certainly not get in a car with any of the pupils from the local (highly regarded) boys school. Their expensive educations didn't seem to have fully explained the term 'no'.

They all looked jolly smart in their nice uniforms though. Hmm

namechangefortoday543 · 24/06/2015 20:20

Private - not a chance !
My DC are all very intelligent
No chance I would send them to our local private schools.

Hotbed of drugs, underage sex, bullying sending obscene pics , underage sex and drugs - did I miss something/
Oh I forgot- they pay for sending their DC there ! LMFAO !

Pantone363 · 24/06/2015 20:21

Don't feed the.........duck. It's bad for them and they keep coming back.

Just a little bit of environmental advice folks.

SignoraStronza · 24/06/2015 20:22

Nah, they aren't normal. Little robot children in frankly embarrassing uniforms. However, if you want to shell out a fortune so that a school is teaching them manners instead of you putting in the work, go for it!

Or is it just that you don't want your little darlings mixing with the plebs?

ghostyslovesheep · 24/06/2015 20:23

do come back OP - be a shame to join MN only to post one goady thread and never return Grin

Pantone363 · 24/06/2015 20:25

I always tell this story on here but my friend sends her DC to a private school. She's a very well paid lapdancer and the other parents HATE her. I'm guessing they weren't expecting her type to breech the fortress

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