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AIBU to want to send my DC to private school after seeing kids in park?

463 replies

Fishnchipsagain · 24/06/2015 19:16

DS is 2 so schools haven't really been on our radar yet. But the local primary is rated Outstanding so we just assumed he'd go there in due course.

This afternoon we met some friends at a park at 4pm. The park is close both to the state primary and local prep but is not one we usually go to (and we normally avoid parks at school turning out time).

The park is big but was packed with school children most of whom looked about 7 or younger, so was pretty chaotic. Most of the kids were dressed in polos and shorts or summer dresses and looked pretty much the same. However I rapidly realized that the children in one uniform were generally behaving far better than the others, so I looked at the uniforms to see which schools the kids attended.

There was a lot of pushing and shoving between the primary school kids, and one was utterly foul mouthed. These kids were also the ones who tried to shove the toddlers out of the way on the climbing frame, were clambering the wrong way up the slide, not waiting their turn or yelling at/pushing my DS and his friends if they tried to go in the play house. They took no notice of me when I suggested they wait. One picked up my son's toy and pulled the string so hard he broke it, then just chucked it down and ran off laughing. Obviously they weren't all like this, but a significant number were.

In contrast, the prep school kids we met were universally respectful and friendly to the toddlers, waiting their turn and not sliding into the child in front, one said sorry when he ran into my buggy and they generally seemed to be playing much more nicely together and have more social awareness.

AIBU to want to send my DS private after witnessing this or am I just not used to 4-7 year olds and this is normal? Ive looked on the prep school website and we could just about afford it if we scrimped and saved.

OP posts:
gwenneh · 24/06/2015 20:43

I roll up to pick up my DS from one of the best local independent schools and dodge Range Rovers in my old Astra. I get out of the car and let my waist-length purple and black dreadlocks catch the breeze while I pick up my (mostly well-behaved) DS.

And then we go to the chippy.

Sparklingbrook · 24/06/2015 20:43

It's all about having a 'cheeky Nando's' at my DC's state High schools...

usualsuspect333 · 24/06/2015 20:43

Maybe if the OP cut back on all her chippy teas she would be able to afford the fees.

Lucyccfc · 24/06/2015 20:44

They don't contradict each other. (Re-read).

I will spell it out very simply.

Not all children who are privately educated turn out to be well behaved, beautifully mannered adults. It's about how their parents bring them up more than their schooling.

I know some fabulous, lovely mannered children from lots of different backgrounds and some horribly badly behaved children from lots of different backgrounds.

A private education does not guarantee lovely well mannered children.

formidable · 24/06/2015 20:45

Fair enough Hazey, I'm not going to argue that they get exactly the same experience, because if they did then obviously there would be no point paying for private.

However I raise my children to be rounded individuals. It includes working hard at school, playing sport and having varied interests. It also includes mixing with children from all sorts of backgrounds and places and I facilitate this as much as I can with clubs, and outside activities and interests.

Incidentally their uncles has profound and multiple learning difficulties, so believe me , they know what that looks like.....

My point is that any generalisation isn't helpful.

On the drugs point. - my school is well aware that many of the kids have a lot of money and more than enough to spend on drugs. That is why our policy is zero tolerance and at the first sniff of drugs the kid is hoofed out. I'm not saying I agree with that, but to say we necessarily have a massive drugs problem is wrong.

Sparklingbrook · 24/06/2015 20:45

Chippy teas cost £££££s come to think of it. One of the local chippys were doing Cod & Chips BOGOF. For the total of £12. Shock

formidable · 24/06/2015 20:46

Right so now fish and chips is the preserve of the rich?

Will you make your mind up??

ASAS · 24/06/2015 20:46

And what a shocker, OP nowhere to be seen Hmm

TheWordFactory · 24/06/2015 20:47

Actually cod and chips are expensive!

And no chippies seem to offer scraps any more Sad.

Sparklingbrook · 24/06/2015 20:47

Chippy not my takeaway of choice.

Cumbrae · 24/06/2015 20:48

formidable it sounds like you and your children's school have very sensible policies in place. My concern is that the OP and certain other posters Treeshine think a private education buys a nice perfect bubble, which is of course untrue.

usualsuspect333 · 24/06/2015 20:49

OP has probably started a BF V FF bunfight by now.

TheWordFactory · 24/06/2015 20:51

sparkling an indian takeaway is my first choice. We usually receive our first Xmas card from our local delivery service Blush.

Sparklingbrook · 24/06/2015 20:53

Grin Word. I am not on first name terms with any local takeaway emporiums.

formidable · 24/06/2015 20:53

Cumbrae there are certainly private schools which I wouldn't send my kids to if they were free, never mind paying for the "privilege"!

formidable · 24/06/2015 20:54

Sparkling if you'd gone to private school you'd have known it was "emporia" Wink

Sparklingbrook · 24/06/2015 20:57

How do you know I didn't formidable? Wink

formidable · 24/06/2015 20:57
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 24/06/2015 20:58

usual Grin

Sparklingbrook · 24/06/2015 20:58
Figmentofmyimagination · 24/06/2015 20:58

Yeah they are generally very polite, but not necessarily always very nice - and certainly, as they get older, tending to lack a certain empathy.

You can teach good behaviour to your DC easily enough in your own home. What you won't necessarily be able to control for so well is the need to learn empathy and tolerance.

Eg "isn't it funny how you are the only girl in our class with a small house" (to the year 7 bursary holder).

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 24/06/2015 20:59

I had chinese/thai from this new-ish place tonight. Really good. Plus it has an awesome name, it's called Zing Zing

TheWordFactory · 24/06/2015 21:06

figment yup, the 93% of DC attending state school are all incredibly empathetic.

That's why society is so kind.

DrinkGirlsFeck · 24/06/2015 21:07

Ooh, scraps! I could murder some.

MaggieJoyBlunt · 24/06/2015 21:10

So true figment. That is exactly what put us off.

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