My feed

to access all these features


AIBU to want to send my DC to private school after seeing kids in park?

463 replies

Fishnchipsagain · 24/06/2015 19:16

DS is 2 so schools haven't really been on our radar yet. But the local primary is rated Outstanding so we just assumed he'd go there in due course.

This afternoon we met some friends at a park at 4pm. The park is close both to the state primary and local prep but is not one we usually go to (and we normally avoid parks at school turning out time).

The park is big but was packed with school children most of whom looked about 7 or younger, so was pretty chaotic. Most of the kids were dressed in polos and shorts or summer dresses and looked pretty much the same. However I rapidly realized that the children in one uniform were generally behaving far better than the others, so I looked at the uniforms to see which schools the kids attended.

There was a lot of pushing and shoving between the primary school kids, and one was utterly foul mouthed. These kids were also the ones who tried to shove the toddlers out of the way on the climbing frame, were clambering the wrong way up the slide, not waiting their turn or yelling at/pushing my DS and his friends if they tried to go in the play house. They took no notice of me when I suggested they wait. One picked up my son's toy and pulled the string so hard he broke it, then just chucked it down and ran off laughing. Obviously they weren't all like this, but a significant number were.

In contrast, the prep school kids we met were universally respectful and friendly to the toddlers, waiting their turn and not sliding into the child in front, one said sorry when he ran into my buggy and they generally seemed to be playing much more nicely together and have more social awareness.

AIBU to want to send my DS private after witnessing this or am I just not used to 4-7 year olds and this is normal? Ive looked on the prep school website and we could just about afford it if we scrimped and saved.

OP posts:
BikketBikketBikket · 24/06/2015 19:47

JassyRadlett you took the post right off my keyboard...

OP you will be the greatest influence on your child, and if you bring him up to understand that being 'overcome with emotion' is not an excuse for behaving in a way that is shameful (and to know that he needs to take responsibility for his own actions, not rely on you to make excuses for him) you will not regret your choice of school - whichever it may be Hmm

MaggieJoyBlunt · 24/06/2015 19:48

Private education is not a guarantee that your child will not try to nick artefacts from Auschwitz as a teenager.

Or swing off the cenotaph Wink

treeshine · 24/06/2015 19:49

YANBU... This is why we are sending our kids private. It sounds really snobbish but just seems to be a nicer type of child that goes to a private school. Why wouldn't you want that for your children if you could afford it?

I will get flamed for this... but I think worth every penny to avoid the chav kids and their families.

MaggieJoyBlunt · 24/06/2015 19:49

When did your lack of your confidence in your parenting start OP?

Presumably you also rate your Dp's parenting pretty poorly? Sad

formidable · 24/06/2015 19:49

What the hell are you going on about?

Ian Huntley went to state school, so did Fred West, so did Myra Hindley....

What the fuck does that prove?!

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 24/06/2015 19:49

If you would be scraping to afford the pre prep it's all pretty academic isn't it. You can't afford prep or Senior school.

MaggieJoyBlunt · 24/06/2015 19:50
theQuibbler · 24/06/2015 19:50

It seems somewhat arbitrary to make that decision based on such a small snapshot. You should be looking at what school suits your child best.
Also, I wouldn't depend on being able to get into such a school - entrance is still selective. It very much depends on what type of private school you are looking at. I have a couple of close friends who were blindsided at their 3 and 4 yr olds being summarily rejected from the smart London prep schools they had chosen.

Sparklingbrook · 24/06/2015 19:50

I would stick to the traditional ways of choosing schools TBH.

I had many ideas about schools when PFB was 2, but you can't presume anything when applying for schools.

formidable · 24/06/2015 19:50

All it takes is a quick look at the Teenagers board on here to see how influential a child's peer group can be. The best parents in the world can't always compete with that.

hazeyjane · 24/06/2015 19:51

The best thing you can do for your child is to ensure the peer group holds the same values as you do.

I think the best thing you can do for your child is to teach them that the world is full of different people, who live different lives to you and have different backgrounds and challenges, but to try and be kind, understanding and do the right thing.

As for spending most of the day at school, my dc's spend 6 hours at school and 8 hours at home, the time they spend at school is spent with a variety of children in a mostly structured environment.

MaggieJoyBlunt · 24/06/2015 19:51

She's not talking about teenagers formidable.

namechangefortoday543 · 24/06/2015 19:52
Here you go op.

My Dc are state educated, no drugs ( rife in our local private) and luckily no theft !

Saltedcaramel2014 · 24/06/2015 19:54

Ha, Jassy! Good point.

Personally, I believe in investing in the state system with the intention of making it stronger.

You are entitled to send your kids wherever you feel comfortable sending them - but there are no guarantees a kid who's gone to private school will turn into a nice, compassionate person just look at our government for starters

formidable · 24/06/2015 19:54

Maggie is it state the obvious hour?

DrinkGirlsFeck · 24/06/2015 19:55

Treeshine, darling. Between us, my DH and have five degrees, professional qualifications and (we are blessed) a very healthy income that would allow us to privately educate our children. We actively choose not to so that our DC are not exposed to ghastly unpleasant opinions like yours. Wink

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/06/2015 19:56

So you were able to judge state school v private school behaviour based on one afternoon in the park?Confused

What a steaming pile of goady shite.Smile

MrsBB1982 · 24/06/2015 19:56

Ivw attended state and private schools. There were little shits at both so don't think that private = angelic. However from my personal al experience I preferred the private school. I was in a terrible catchment and my state school didn't offer the A level subjects I needed to go to medical school. So I'm grateful my parents privately educated me. Again my kids are in a poor catchment area and I don't like the state schools my kids could go to a d we are privately educating our two. I'm not naive enough to think its perfect but it's the best choice for our kids/circumstances. Equally some better off parents have their kids in some lovely state primaries. I think you need to judge the schools on their own merit rather than state versus private. Sounds like you judged the kids THEN looked at the uniform.

I don't think you're unreasonable but I ertainly wouldn't say private is automatically better than state.

MaggieJoyBlunt · 24/06/2015 19:56

Maggie is it state the obvious hour?

I was just trying to help orientate you. I thought you were confused.

whereismagic · 24/06/2015 19:58

I'd advise looking at any school you have a fair shot at. State schools around us were quite different in the way they wanted kids to behave. In one of them I couldn't understand how they expected kids to learn anything as there was a lot of noise, pushing and shoving right next to a reading group with teaching assistant. In another school children were very polite, confident, considerate but it is notorious for it's parents' "state till eight" attitude.

MummyPigRules · 24/06/2015 19:59

I think you should go and visit the schools before making up your mind. However, if you can (just about) afford it and prefer the prep school, you should go with it in my opinion

AnyoneForTennis · 24/06/2015 20:00

Ooh a bit goady for a first post i think......Hmm

formidable · 24/06/2015 20:00

I've taught at some lovely state primaries, and some totally shit ones.

You make the choice for your child on the basis of your own opinions and experiences. You have the right to choose any school you like for any reason you like.

There's fuck all point having an opinion on someone else's choice.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 24/06/2015 20:00

Someone upthread said Poor discipline does have a massive impact on education, not just results.

And I agree. My teacher colleagues agree too.

Now time for my huge, sweeping generalisation, for which I will get flamed:

On balance pupils in independent schools are better behaved in class, and class sizes are smaller, so teachers can spend time teaching rather than disciplining. My teacher colleagues say this All. The. Time.

And this is based on my massive, statistically significant sample of exactly two independent primary schools.

formidable · 24/06/2015 20:00

Agree Hearts. I now teach in the private sector.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.