To write to a death row inmate?

[FanfeckintasticFitbit]

This is something that's crossed my mind a bit in the past. I'm really interested in the lives of others and love books and documentaries about life behind bars.

I have a really happy and fulfilled life with DC and DP so it's not out of loneliness, I love to write but it's been years since I've written actual letters as everybody is online now.

Has anyone else ever written to someone in prison?

I've "chosen" a prisoner (because there are certain criminals I could absolutely not communicate with, child abusers etc) and have written a letter but I'd first like to get some experiences from anyone who has done similar?

"I'd rather roll the way I do than the way you do."

You still haven't told me how I can MAKE my teen comply.

I spend a lot of time trying to talk to my teen about moral issues. I encourage her to read, model kind and responsible behaviour. Underneath she is a compassionate person and this is what is driving her. She feels sorry for a very young man who is just a few years older than her who is going to die. :-( and she is reaching out to him.

She's seen this thread though and is a bit bemused by your moralising. I'm struggling to explain to her why her writing to this man is morally wrong (rather than just likely to result in her feeling very sad, which is the main reason I'm against it).

Can you explain how she is morally at fault so I can show her?

mrsdevere yes, of course I can see that, that was unfair of me. Apologies.

No because A it's late and B I've realised that you suspect her of having SN based on your precious threads and therefore it wouldn't be appropriate for me to comment further. I will say that as you suspect her of having additional needs it makes it even more inappropriate to allow what you're allowing.

I shan't be commenting further but sincerely hope you rethink your blasé attitude to your vulnerable DD doing this because it's deeply disturbing

If I thought a prisoner had been unjustly convicted, I wouldn't hesitate to write to him. There have been many high profile cases of prisoners on death row being exonerated and released, thanks to the Innocence Project and similar groups.

But if I thought someone was guilty and awaiting execution for a crime he had in fact committed, I wouldn't want to have any contact with him. I am completely opposed to the death penalty and very aware of the inequities in the criminal justice system. Nevertheless I don't think I could bring myself to write to a murderer. Certainly not for reasons of curiosity. But if people choose to write to such inmates out of a sense of compassion, then why not?

mrsdevere when I referred to your last comment I meant the one in that post - when your next post showed, yes I understood and apologised!

I am not targeting you, just responding to your comments which do have my name on them. I'm happy to agree to differ, that's the point of debate, and as I said, it's been interesting.

Baies what on earth are you talking about?

If you read the thread you'll see that I'm talking to mini fingers

Mini I would first ask her why she went looking? You mentioned that she picked a good looking guy on purpose, not for any moral reason. How is her self esteem?

If you have a captive audience so to speak, the chances of being hurt in the way normal teenage relationships happen are lessened. Also, I imagine the bragging rights are pretty much up there amongst some of her ( the majority of which would not think this is in any way cool) peer group.

Regardless of the above, she is 15 and he is a man with a shed load of history behind him. Looking at his back story , I would fail to see what if anything they would have in common.

Your daughter is looking to save him, she's 15, she can't.

"I shan't be commenting further but sincerely hope you rethink your blasé attitude to your vulnerable DD doing this because it's deeply disturbing"

No - you won't suggest anything because you haven't a clue as to what you'd do in a situation like mine.

Incidentally - his letters are vetted by the prison. So are hers. And you know - he's IN PRISON and will never get out. Ever. In other words, he's no danger to her. None. If you stopped your frothing and breast beating and thought about the practicalities of this issue and realise how silly you're being. My dd steps out into the inner city every day, and knows plenty of young people who she sees in her day to day life who live lives not a million miles away from the life her pen pal was living before being incarcerated. THAT's my concern - her being safe on the streets of London, not the bland correspondence she might maintain with a distant stranger she will never meet.

Oh I see, you just ignored my valid response to your verbal abuse. Fair enough, night night.

"Mini I would first ask her why she went looking? You mentioned that she picked a good looking guy on purpose, not for any moral reason. How is her self esteem?"

She's a teenage girl. She picked someone she thought she could relate to - a young black man from the wrong side of the tracks. (She's mixed race herself and her friends come from similar fairly deprived urban backgrounds).

I'm struggling to explain to her why her writing to this man is morally wrong

If she doesn't understand the moral implications of a child pretending to be an adult in order to open up a relationship with a dangerous convict, that surely highlights the very reason why children are not allowed to participate in such a scheme? The fact the she selected him on the basis of 'attractiveness' only serves to highlight precisely why this is morally wrong, as well as the fact of her vulnerability due to her inability to make an rational and informed opinion about this man (this is no put-down of your daughter, incidentally ~ at 15 I made terrible decisions about men. That's the whole reason for age restrictions).

There is only one female prisoner listed on the site in question Crystal and she is not looking to write to anyone overseas but it was actually females I would be more interesting in writing to as I would imagine they get less mail, I could be wrong there though

No, I agree ~ I've only ever seen articles/documentaries about women writing to men, so although I'm sure is does happen, I too assume that the women get less mail.

Do people prefer to write to those on death row? What about people serving life in states that don't have the death penalty? Do they have the same level of interest.

I would like to write to either silver but I must admit I wouldn't be as quick to write to someone with a release date, not because I think they'd land on my doorstep but because they have something to work towards, I imagine they have more hope than someone facing execution or the rest of their lives in prison. I think the latter would benefit a lot more from correspondence.

Who knew I was so fussy with my convicts!

I think that DR letter writing is more about the writer than the recipient to be honest. People on DR are not "normal ;people" for want of a better phrase and it's odd to project your own thoughts and feelings onto them.
I doubt they will have the capacity to appreciate the gesture as it is intended.

Totally agree with GrimDamnFanjo that this is more about the writer than the recipient. What I find particularly pathetic is 'I love to write, but it's been years since I've written actual letters, since everyone is online now'. Same sentiment expressed by the OP of the other, very similar, thread. There's nothing to stop you from writing 'actual letters' to anyone whatsoever -- the idea of using a DR inmate is clearly because you want your writing to be read, treasured, responded to, and sending it to someone incarcerated is a fairly safe bet, not to mention a novelty.

If I were a DR prisoner who wanted to be reminded of the great big world outside, I'd read a bloody book, thanks. The idea of some woman getting a mild thrill from 'compassionately' rambling to me that her begonias are out and the weather's been dreadful 'communicating' with me from the safe distance of several thousand miles and prison walls between us would fill me with contempt. I'm sure contempt is what most of these grateful recipients actually feel.

Also, I wish people would stop minimizing 'gang violence' and 'robberies gone wrong' as the least distasteful kinds of crimes that will land you on DR. I know rapists and serial killers and calculating murderers automatically seem like the really chilling ones -- mostly because the sociopath or psychopath label can be applied.

But gang violence decimates entire communities and almost every gang murder provokes another one, on and on, until the deaths are barely notable, and individual victims mourned by no one except the closest family: it's just 'gangbangers' or 'thug life'.

'Robberies gone wrong' are rarely a case of 'the gun went off by accident': rather, someone who went in armed makes the decision to kill some store clerk or homeowner standing between him and a few material goods.

Neither of these crimes have the sick cunning premeditation or sexual perversion that repel people from serial killers and racists. It's more the banal sense that life is very, very cheap. Just because you can more readily explain these crimes by economic and social desperation, doesn't mean that they're not entirely chilling in their own way, devaluing human life until gang murders don't even make the local news (in LA, at least) and someone's killed for a few hundred dollars in the till.

mini the crips gang are into all sorts of lovely things, including murder and prostitution according to the internet. You really want your 15 year old DD befriending and getting involved?

Or what kua said.

Why search all the way in the America ? There's ian Huntley or men who done crimes in England? Or perhaps you'd be rightly appalled at doing that because you know the nature if their crimes? Imagine the victims families for a moment. Their life is ruined forever and yet the perp gets letters ? Let's home you never have a family member murdered and then you will feel disgusted at the concern of others for these criminals while your life is ruined.

Mini You could contact the site / prison that your daughter is writing to, explaining that she's only 15, and asking that no correspondence go either way. Then tell your teen what you have done and why there is an age restriction in place.

I would also worry that although the DR inmate wouldn't get out and track then down, a family or fellow gang member could.