To write to a death row inmate?

[FanfeckintasticFitbit]

This is something that's crossed my mind a bit in the past. I'm really interested in the lives of others and love books and documentaries about life behind bars.

I have a really happy and fulfilled life with DC and DP so it's not out of loneliness, I love to write but it's been years since I've written actual letters as everybody is online now.

Has anyone else ever written to someone in prison?

I've "chosen" a prisoner (because there are certain criminals I could absolutely not communicate with, child abusers etc) and have written a letter but I'd first like to get some experiences from anyone who has done similar?

Interesting article.

I'm pretty sure that a 15 year old writing to a prisoner based on his looks is a child safeguarding issue. That's pretty fucking shocking.

"Mini fingers - why don't you try parenting your daughters properly? I'm absolutely gobsmacked that you allowed this. She's 15, not 18. Unbelievably poor of you to stand back and let her choose the most attractive killer to swap cosy letters with. Are you mad ?"

What do you suggest I do? Tape her hands to her side? Flog her if she writes? Lock her in her room forever so she can't get to a post box?

Do you even HAVE a teenager? ????

A 15 year old girl choosing the 'most attractive' murderer from the prison catalogue is exactly why this needs to be strictly regulated. I'm genuinely shocked that it's allowed.

Surely they at least vet it so that paedophiles/child abusers can't correspond with minors?

Yep. I've got a teenage girl aged 16 so I probably know a little bit about them eh?

In fact I just asked aforementioned teenage girl of mine what she thinks about 15 year olds writing to DR prisoners. She was utterly amazed that A girls did this and B parents allowed it.

But as long as you think it's normal and funny ... ( your name rings a bell actually.. Don't you have problems parenting your kids?)

I think you're utterly out of order allowing and condoning your girl to do this

mini it has to be said, you don't come across as being especially concerned about it?

In fact, it concerns me so much that if I knew who you were / was your daughter's teacher and I knew about this, I'd report you on the basis that I consider it to be a safeguarding issue. A child writing to a convicted adult rapist / murderer / paedophile. I can't get my head round it

Fucking hell, a 15 year old writing to some scummy gang banger? In what weird world is that acceptable?

Mini doesn't say she knew that her DD had written to him.

Err she knows now though doesn't she? And is all jokey and patronisingly asking me if I have a teenage girl because it's just so, like, 'normal,' for them to do this..

Disgraceful

You sound like its a thrill junkie thing. I am fascinated by crime documentaries etc but no way i want to get into writing to someone who has taken a life. There are some things beyond the pale. As other poster said, write to sick children or pensioners. Psychopaths on death row have an army of women like you for an ego boost, mind games and manipulation, which is their thing: and mostly , and more importantly to them if you ever watched documentaries about it, they write to women for the lurid sexual fantasies they can indulge with you/get past the censor.

I met a woman who volunteered in a prison teaching reading skills. One murderer got obsessed with her as she looked like his mother, who he strangled with her own v long hair. She was so disturbed by it and his comments about her own long hair and his trying to ingratiate himself with her, that she left the volunteer scheme, really shaken.

Mini
I'm shocked at your detatchment. Have you thought about this at all. How did she find out about him? Did you ask her her motivation or offer her any advice about this?

Mini Get your daughter a copy of Annabel Pitcher's Ketchup Clouds for an insight into life on death row, so she doesn't actually having to write to some random murderer herself.

Hang on, I never once mentioned miscarriages of justice. I never once mentioned feeling sorry for anybody. I did mention that I would find it interesting (I have also been actively involved in one of the charities mentioned here for years and find that interesting too, it wouldn't have occurred to me to do something I had no interest in simply because it wouldn't enter my head)
I also mentioned that a family member of my mother was deeply touched by her letter writing and its clear it made a huge difference to him.

As for the people pointing out that I want to have a choice what sort of criminal I communicate with, what on earth is wrong with that? I personally happen to find some crimes more excusable than others and there are certain things I'm not naive enough to think I could deal with.

I think it would be interesting and furthermore I think it would be a nice thing to do. This doesn't mean I don't do other things I consider to be good deeds, I actually believe very strongly in doing good and giving back (I'm not classing this as either) that's why I wanted to open a discussion because I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it. Some of the name calling and suggestions that I'm "not all there"are pretty horrible to be honest, I'm in a very happy relationship and I'm not looking for anything more than perhaps bring a bit of interest to someone's day by taking some time every couple of weeks to write a letter.

Thanks for all the input good and bad though

"Err she knows now though doesn't she? And is all jokey and patronisingly asking me if I have a teenage girl because it's just so, like, 'normal,' for them to do this.. "

No - it's not what most 15 year olds would do.

But I repeat - what would you do to stop her if she was your child?

"Did you ask her her motivation or offer her any advice about this?"

Yes. She said she felt sorry for him because he's going to be killed, and she thinks that's horrific. I asked her if she knew about his crime, and she said she did. She wants to write to him to reach out in some way to someone she feels sorry for.

mini if she is doing this out of compassion, why did he need to be good looking?

That worries me.

What would I do to stop my daughter writing to a prisoner on DR?! I'd have done what I've already done... Brought her up in such a way that it wouldn't even enter her head. I've got control over my kids .. And that control is for their own good. Man, I thought I was laid back until I read that their are mothers out there who think this sort of stuff is just well, shrug... FGS do your job as a parent. You sound so ineffectual and pathetic

I've had a look online at some of these guys. Their profiles read like dating profiles. Some sound like really nice guys don't they? They're all sincere and friendly and down to earth. Oh and non judgemental! And then you have a little scan down to see their crime ... And it's always sexual assault in a child or murder or rape.

I personally happen to find some crimes more excusable than others and there are certain things I'm not naive enough to think I could deal with

Absolutely - shoplifting is infinitely more excusable than rape or murder. But no one is on Death Row for shoplifting. What would your criteria be for 'excusability' in terms of a death-penalty crime?
I'm genuinely curious. How did you decide that the prisoner you 'chose' was more appealing than the others?

Agree with crystal also. These men are on DR for the most heinous of crimes. There won't be a shop lifter / tax evader / jewel thief among them I think you'll find .

Plenty of child killers and rapists though

You'd be doing a good thing if you did write, FanFeck.
I can understand Mini's situation, too.
I don't want to live in a world where so many people get written off as unchangeably evil.

It's weird how MN can be so anti death penalty in one breath but so viciously unforgiving towards the people who did these crimes in every other breath. If you believe that there could still be some humanity in these criminals, then allow space for the people brave enough to reach out to find it.

I'd stay away from those with a confirmed mental health problem since you are probably not equipped for that. Otherwise I'd say give it a try. I sincerely believe that some of them are or were once half-decent people. I saw a programme on TV about it last year and even some of the officials said this.

In any case, I don't see the problem in wanting to offer a small bit of comfort to a person who faces death.