AIBU to want to write a very strong worded letter of complaint to Mcdonalds?

[LookingforRainbows]

So this happened yesterday at a Mcdonalds in London:

We were in the queue buying lunch, and my dsis needed to use the toilet. She has a 'hidden' disability and requires the disabled toilet for her needs, but the disabled toilet was locked, fair enough, stop everyone from using it and protects it for people who need it, like my sister. So, dsis went to ask a member of staff if it could be opened for her.
Well, just our luck that she happened to ask a complete bitch. The staff member told my dsis that she could not use it as she wasn't disabled. Ok, fair enough she didn't know. So my sister then explained to her that she does have a disability but it's a 'hidden' disability, and she will need to use the disabled toilet because of it. The girl gave my sister a horrid look (which I saw and at this point I came over) and said, 'you don't have a disability, you look perfectly fine to me to use the toilets downstairs' Again, my sis explained that her disability is hidden, so you wouldn't 'see' it or realised it, but it still required her to use the disabled toilet. The girl then said, well if you can't see it, then it can't be that bad so you can use the toilets downstairs and in the time you have spent trying to get into this toilet you could have finished the queue for the downstairs toilets (!!!!!!!!!) my sister politely said, 'what do you class as a disability here?'. The staff replied, 'you have to be in a wheelchair, or have something wrong with your legs so you can't get down the stairs'.
My sister replied, 'well I think you need to go on some disability awareness training, because some people, like me, have disabilities that are nothing to do with their legs and still need to use the disabled toilet.' The girl then asked my sister very rudely, 'what is your disability then? Because I can't see anything wrong with you' (!!!!)
My sis did not want to publically announce her disability to the whole of Macdonalds, but the total irony was that we had just finished doing the London Walk for Crohn's and Colitis and we were still wearing our tshirts!! So my sister said, if you want to know my disability, look at my tshirt, we have just come back from doing a charity walk for my disability, yet here we are being discriminated against because of it! The girl said, 'I'm not discriminating against you I just don't understand why you can't use the toilets downstairs, otherwise everyone will want this toilet unlocked for them.

I could not believe my ears at the rudeness of this young lady. My sister was absolutely humiliated (we were in public) and she was looking at us like a piece of shit.

So we told her to get the manager.
She huffed rudely 'fine!'.
We stood waiting by the disabled toilet and people were looking at us.
When the manager arrived with her, she said to the manager (before either of us could speak) these people can't be bothered to queue for the toilets downstairs- and she is saying that she is disabled.
And at this point my sister interrupted, 'excuse me I can speak for myself thank you very much!' We then explained to the manager what had happened etc. the manager did not ask any awkward questions or give us any funny looks, he simply took the key and opened the door and smiled and said no problem.

He was then extremely apologetic, and asked if we wanted anything free, but we had already bought out meals and to be honest after this incident we didn't even want to eat our food as it had left a bad taste in our mouth. I did see the manager take the member if staff aside and talk to her, but it didn't seem like she was being reprimanded.

Anyways, even this morning, thinking about it has got me livid and worked up. The irony that even when you are wearing a tshirt for Crohn's, you can still get prejudice right in front of your face!!

My sister wants me to help her write a strongly worded letter, as I often write letters of complaint for my work and it's my forte, but DH says that because the manager was apologetic and offered us a free food (which we had declined) we have no leg to stand on and we should just leave it....

AIBU to still be livid?

No food is good for Crohns.
It all hurts.
It's not a disease of the digestive system, it's a disease of the immune system.

Imagine your bowel was one big open wound. Anything that passes through it is agony. You shit nothing but blood and mucous for days. You get infections. In a bad flare your organs start shutting down.

Beige food is sometimes more tolerable. Fibre is intolerable. You eat anything you can as a matter of survival.

Some months/years are fine when you're in remission. Some months you're hospitalised. No two Crohnies are the same.

Even without an ostomy there is a very real need to use the loo quickly and often. I'd rather use a disabled loo and face the looks of distain than shit myself in public tbh.

But that's like saying because some people are benefit cheats nobody should get benefits. I can't imagine how degrading it must be having to explain your personal medical history in public just to be able to carry out a basic activity of daily living

With a very sneery undertone prob due to the fact she admits she hates mcdonalds. It's like saying to someone with arthritis 'well surely going to the gym won't help'

I said 'I am not being judgey' because anyone who asks anything on here is slaughtered and labelled just being so ignorant. I'll watch out for you though as you are obviously The Font.

Absolutely not redhelen I know I wouldn't want to have to explain what I was about to do in the toilet before I was allowed to use it!

Well no I agree which is why I think radar keys are better. But not just a free for all.

There should be some way, a discreet bracelet or something, which people can quickly show in order to access disabled toilets without having to feel embarrassed.

"Please could you open the disabled toilet?" should be quite enough. There is no need for anyone to be embarrassed.

Expecting people to go round with a bracelet declaring their need to use it for the pacification of officious twats would be unacceptable and discriminatory.

I consider the fact that I carry a radar key to be sufficient justification for using it.

We really need to change attitudes in this country.

You might be right Sharon.

Sharon is right about everything evidently. I must have missed the memo.

Yes magic it is a bit like "miss..Please can I go to the toilet?"
Grown ups should not have to ask!

I tell you what Doreen just carry on through life with that pompous sarcastic attitude. You will help people who are marginalised no end

I tell you what Doreen just carry on through life with that pompous sarcastic attitude. You will help people who are marginalised no end

Eh? I asked one question and now I am not helping people who are marginalised. Is this the first time you have seen someone asking a question as you seem rather affronted by it? Oh - there goes another one. Silly me.

Sorry, genuine question don't you think that if "just asking" is enough you'd get a load of people using them to avoid queues?

No. In most places, asking or having your own radar key is enough and the system works well as most people have a sense of decency. There will be some entitled dicks who abuse it but you can't have a system that prevents that without making life harder for those who need to use them.

I'm !

YANBU! Definitely make a formal complaint! Even if you don't have her name spelled correctly you have the date and time so they will be able to check who was on shift and the manager knows who it is. Absolutely disgusting!

I have Crohn's and a stoma and I wasn't offended by Doreen's comment. It's good to ask questions and I lots of people assume that you need to eat uber healthy food and such.
I don't and I am over weight, I have no bowel that works properly and everything I eat is processed very quickly- short bowel. Crap food like McDonald's I can manage without pain. Not their fries but chicken etc. Sometimes it's nice i can eat with my children. It's all a weighing up game and I take risks with certain foods- pre stoma everything made me have diarohea (I went 20-30 times a day gah).
I really don't mind people asking questions. My bag makes loud noises all day and I teach at secondary school. I encourge them to ask me about it.

The problem here is surely the use of the word 'disabled'. It's not a disabled toilet. It's an accessible toilet, for all people who need better access. Crohns is not a disability hidden or otherwise is it? It's a disease?
The lady in question should be allowed to use the toilet because she asked and needs the access. My MIL has Alzheimer's and I take her in the accessible toilet as she is very frightened in the main ladies toilets, but she isn't disabled. People go in them if they have a pushchair. All fine too.

The member of staff should be fired IMO. Even a lack of poor training shouldn't allow her to speak to a customer in that way. People just need to consider some one may need it and they shouldn't have to explain their reasons in great detail. Although I think the friend should have said she had a medical condition which required the toilet, when it was refused and the staff started asking questions she should have ended the conversation then and asked for the manager. She sounds a bit like she was spoiling for a fight.

Fair enough gold that's good to hear

As well S complaining go to the local press. They have made a cunt out of your sister. You make one them.
Let that be a lesson for the smart arse smug bitch who thinks she can speak to people how she pleases.
She had no business asking your dsis personal and intrusive questions.
Not only thT but she acted in a discriminatory manner. Which is actually illegal.
Off topic but same horse different colour. I don't get how this rude women has got a job when there are people with impeccable manners on the dole.
She definitely needs disability awareness training but possibly more so customer service training.
Her manner and attitude are beyond appalling.
Sorry for your upsetting experience

YANBU to complain.

I do understand why some accessible toilets are locked by radar keys. However, it can lead to very uncomfortable situations. No one should have to justify their need to use an appropriate toilet.

You've already complained. YWBU to take it further.

The woman was horrendously rude, though.

Disability includes long term diseases, not sure what you're thinking of.
I agree that this staff member needs firing rather than training. I wouldn't want someone like that working for me no matter how well they covered up their attitude.

Petri I'd be complaining about the manager too

Fair enough stealth I wasn't sure. Regardless of what it's called, the lady needed the toilet so should have it. People being precious about who can and can't use said toilet get on my nerves. Some people will abuse a situation, that's always going to be the case, but the people who need it should get it without the need for explanation

I have Crohn's and a stoma and I wasn't offended by Doreen's comment

Thank you. I try to make each day a school day.

I am of the opinion that ALL toilets should be fully accessible, to everyone. It is a different mindset and if we made ALL toilets accessible, then there would be no issues with this control of toilet facilities that people have. If the architects just designed better toilets in the first place rather than trying to squash as many into a tiny space as possible, then there would be no need for all this nonsense. Of course, that would mean some architects questioning the 'status quo' which might not go down too well

But the majority of people can and do use non accessible toilets so cramming as many of those in makes sense for everyone.

I wasn't intending to offend or upset or discriminate by suggesting a discreet bracelet. I thought it would mean that the person wouldn't have to ask and it would prevent them feeling embarrassed.

I'm not upset or offended in the slightest

However, can you imagine telling your 12YO DD that she had to wear a special bracelet to enable her to access the disabled toilet? What if her friends asked what it was? The same goes for a card or a necklace.

Also, if a server in McDonalds hasn't been trained just to open the toilet for anyone who asks, what are the chances of you being able to discreetly show her a glimpse of a bracelet and her knowing what it means?

Even if that worked, what happens if you forget your bracelet? Can you just not go to the toilet that day because you don't have your proof of need?

I completely agree it would be better not to have to ask at all and for all disabled toilets to be open automatically. The radar key system prevents you having to ask but not all businesses choose to participate in that scheme which is a shame. Perhaps MNers could do their bit by suggesting this to their employers and explaining that people with disabilities shouldn't have to ask to use a toilet as if they were a child.