Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For mil to present fil with professionally made cake and dh with a shitty supermarket one

112 replies

answersonapostcardplease · 20/06/2015 21:12

Dh have come to visit pil for dh's 40th and fil's 70th, its also father's day on sunday (as you'll be aware)

Its a flight away with 4 dcs in toe and expensive, so an effort.

Mil called everyone to the dining room for cakes, blowing out candles. On the table is a massive professionally made cake for fil and a shitty little morrison's one for dh.Angry

Am I being UR to think this is really unkind?

OP posts:
dougierose · 20/06/2015 21:15

I think the fact that she still likes her husband after over 40 years of marriage is very nice and I'd focus on that if I was you.

What did the cake look like? Did it have a bear's

ltk · 20/06/2015 21:15

Yes, that's crap. One big cake, candles for both of them on it.

prorsum · 20/06/2015 21:16

Does seem very insensitive though I can see how she might think a cake combining FD and pil birthday should be more special.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/06/2015 21:16

Does seem like he was an afterthought. If you only want to pay for one cake, then do a joint one? Might she have thought you were going to get DH a cake?

Original poster
answersonapostcardplease · 20/06/2015 21:18

Testing defintley not as flu (?) up.

I can't wait ti go home.

OP posts:
cashewnutty · 20/06/2015 21:19

It's just cake. Let it go.

QuiteLikely5 · 20/06/2015 21:21

Let it go.

YABU.

TheOddity · 20/06/2015 21:21

Try to make light of it, you really don't want a sad DH on his 40th, poor guy. Although most blokes would barely notice this or take the piss out if DM if they did.

Make sure you eat lots of the professional one!

londonrach · 20/06/2015 21:22

Prefer the supermarket one anyday. Your dh is the lucky one. Just wish both a happy birthday.

Original poster
answersonapostcardplease · 20/06/2015 21:23

Honestly I don't want to let it go. I don't want to cause upset but I want to tell Mil hiw shit her behaviour is once again

OP posts:
ComfySensibleShoes · 20/06/2015 21:25

It's a bit odd. I would have thought she should've at least told you that she was planning to order a cake, and perhaps ask if you'd like to put money in for a joint birthday cake for FIL and your DH. Is she otherwise a nice MIL?

ComfySensibleShoes · 20/06/2015 21:25

ah ok she's normally shit

Original poster
answersonapostcardplease · 20/06/2015 21:26

comfy in a word, no but its usually me shes nasty too and sometimes my dcs.Angry

OP posts:
ComfySensibleShoes · 20/06/2015 21:27

Problem is, there's not much you can do about it. You don't want to be the one causing a scene over cake.

Alambil · 20/06/2015 21:27

if you wanted a professional cake for DH, why didn't you order one? he's your family now, not hers to take responsibility for...?

honeyroar · 20/06/2015 21:31

Going off the MIL and cake thread, it seems some people have very possessive feelings over providing their close family's cake. Perhaps she thought she'd be stepping on your toes if she got one for him and just bought the other one in case you hadn't organised anything.

Personally I'd have had a chat with her about cakes before the event, asking what could be done for a cake for your husband and whether she could order you one.

BaggageClaim · 20/06/2015 21:31

I think she thought it was up to you to organise the cake for your DH and at the last minute when she realised you hadn't arranged anything she dashed out and bought one.

I am speaking from experience of being in a very similar situation some years ago. The day before a family gathering I found out I was expected to provide a cake. I was also not living in the town of the party but the responsibility was apparently mine. I managed to find something adequate in the 24 hours.

I think that is the issue here. She is probably not understanding why you didn't make arrangements for a cake.

Original poster
answersonapostcardplease · 20/06/2015 21:31

I am having a cake made for dh for his actual bday.

OP posts:
Original poster
answersonapostcardplease · 20/06/2015 21:33

It would of been pretty difficult to sort out a cake because of distance plus I never knew anything about the cake she had made.

OP posts:
GloGirl · 20/06/2015 21:33

Do not have an argument over cake. You will feel like a twit. Save it for something more reasonable.

I get your point, but no - don't say anything!

MuttonCadet · 20/06/2015 21:34

Why is your mil responsible for organising a cake for your DH?
Is this a reverse?

Original poster
answersonapostcardplease · 20/06/2015 21:35

Really? Dont say anything? I think its pretty crappy behaviour.

OP posts:
honeyroar · 20/06/2015 21:35

Well then he will get his nice cake on his actual birthday, this was just a little extra one from his mother. Both men get nice cakes from their family.

Was your husband upset?

NorahDentressangle · 20/06/2015 21:35

If you only get together for 'important' birthdays you've 10 years until the next.

I like to look at professional cakes but they are so sugary as to be inedible, and Morrison's would look ridiculous beside it. But if DH doesn't care not worth worrying about.

WaitingForMe · 20/06/2015 21:36

I'm sure that everyone there was looking at the two cakes,thinking it was really off and judging OP's MIL.