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AIBU?

For mil to present fil with professionally made cake and dh with a shitty supermarket one

112 replies

answersonapostcardplease · 20/06/2015 21:12

Dh have come to visit pil for dh's 40th and fil's 70th, its also father's day on sunday (as you'll be aware)

Its a flight away with 4 dcs in toe and expensive, so an effort.

Mil called everyone to the dining room for cakes, blowing out candles. On the table is a massive professionally made cake for fil and a shitty little morrison's one for dh.

Am I being UR to think this is really unkind?

OP posts:

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ememem84 · 21/06/2015 08:18

What's happening today..? Two mil is being unreasonable re cake threads in one day...?? Awesome

However op yabu. It's not your dhs birthday. He doesn't get the big cake. He will on his birthday.

Mil was trying to be nice.

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answersonapostcardplease · 21/06/2015 09:17

I guess i am bu

OP posts:

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LittleBearPad · 21/06/2015 09:39

Yes you are.

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SchnitzelVonKrumm · 21/06/2015 09:47

I've just had a whole lorry load of fucks delivered and yet I still cant find one to give in this situation

Worra, you've made my day!

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MrsTedCrilly · 21/06/2015 09:48

I think this alone is no big deal, at least he had a cake! But it sounds like it's just another thing in a long line of annoyances so that's probably clouding your view. What kind of other things does she do OP?

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Crocodopolis · 21/06/2015 09:54

Jeez. YABVU and looking for a reason to be offended. Let it go.

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AuntyMag10 · 21/06/2015 10:30

With worra too

Yabu, and ridiculously petty. It's your responsibility to sort the cake out. You knew you were going over for your dh birthday so why didn't you get the cake? IMO the 70th birthday was bigger as it was actually his birthday. Did your dh even notice or are you kicking up a fuss on your own?

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spottybottycream · 21/06/2015 10:33

Who has a cake with candles at all for fathers day? FIL birthday takes priority. YABVVU sorry.

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Weebirdie · 21/06/2015 10:35

Mil insisted we came to visit. I'd rather not have. But I did for dh and dcs. How was I supposed to sort cake out?

Very easily. You could have just called MIL and said can your sort out a cake for DH for fathers day and I will sort the cost out with you when we arrive.

Or you could have done it online.

There were lots of possibilities and I think your MIL felt sorry for her son and sorted out a wee cake for him at the last minute.

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RepeatAdNauseum · 21/06/2015 10:37

You are spoiling for a fight.

You might not want to be there but presumably DH does. Even if no one does, you are there so you need to make the best of it and let the rest of the trip pass uneventfully.

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Thymeout · 21/06/2015 10:42

i'm surprised at posts implying that 40 is as big a deal as 70. (It's just it's not dh's actual birthday etc.) Why? What's special about 40?

No way! 70 is the big one - three score years and ten etc. FiL might not be here for his 80th.

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KoalaDownUnder · 21/06/2015 10:46

Good on you, OP, for admitting you're being U.

You're probably tired from hauling around 4 kids, and sick of your IL's shenanigans in general. I suspect it's not all about cake.

Here, have some

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pilates · 21/06/2015 11:08

Op, did you post previously about having to cancel a weekend away to your sister's for your FIL's 70th?

It's not all about the cake is it?

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Momagain1 · 21/06/2015 11:28

I dont get the hang upsover cake. MIL bought in an extra cake for an event that wasnt actually part of the agenda. Yay, more cake. Eat the cake.

I agree it sounds like there is history, but this sounds like a challenge you should not give her the satisfaction of noticing. DH's mother added DHs cake for DH's not actual birthday to DHs dad's celebration therefore: DHs battle if DH wants one. You totally get to sit this out.

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CainInThePunting · 21/06/2015 11:36

If she is as devious an old bat as some MILs on here, she may have done it in the knowledge the you would feel the slight and make a scene over a cake.
Don't rise to it, don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she can play you.
As others have said, pick your battles.
A cake is a cake is a cake.

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deepdarkwood · 21/06/2015 11:37

Agree with everyone else - what you're seeing is (I'm sure) the whole history of your relationship - so you may interpret what seems like a normal action as unacceptable.
But on the basis of this one scenario, your MIL isn't being unreasonable to organise a proper cake for her husband, on his actual 70th birthday, at his house, and a smaller celebration for her son on his not-actual-birthday.

(And, tbh, I agree with others that she can't win here - if my MIL had arranged a big cake for dh without consulting me, I'd feel a bit insulted and 'left out' as cake-provision is A Big Deal in my family....)

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saoirse31 · 21/06/2015 11:42

yabvu. mil got dh a cake for his birthday. how could she be such a nasty person. You sound like a five year old.

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Sazzle41 · 21/06/2015 12:46

If it was a milestone birthday like 40 and you werent having the celebration at yours and had to factor in travel, I think most people would have sorted something more than a morrisons cake beforehand tbh.

Did you even speak beforehand about the cake after all 40 is a big one just like 70 isnt it. If you didnt, learn from it that you never assume . Only leads to recriminations all round. People arent psychic and they wont have the same ideas/values re things so it just leaves you open to disappointment and stuff like this. But if your DH is fine, I wouldn't worry.

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LapsedTwentysomething · 21/06/2015 12:47

you can stop now. The OP has conceded that she's BU.

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RobotLover68 · 21/06/2015 12:49

It's not all about the cake is it?

this

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Stealthpolarbear · 21/06/2015 12:56

Dougie what makes you think they've been married 40 years?
Also why are people sating it was fils birthday and not the dhs? Op is very clear in the op that it was borh

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AuntyMag10 · 21/06/2015 12:57

Stealth the op stated in later posts that for her dh actual birthday she will be making a cake.

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grannytomine · 21/06/2015 12:59

Well if husband is 40 and his parents are together then they have probably been married for over 40 years and if not married they have been a couple for over 40 years. Something to celebrate in itself.

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Thymeout · 21/06/2015 13:00

Why is 40 so special these days? A friend of mine had a wake and everyone wore black, but it never used to be such a big event.

Whereas neither my df nor my dfil got to 80 and 70 was definitely on the same level as a 21st.

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fastdaytears · 21/06/2015 13:47

But did either of the cakes feature a soft toy with genitalia? If not, she is BVU

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