To feel angry about DP going to Glastonbury Festival?

[Albadross]

I'm pretty sure I'll get flamed for this, but it's just how I feel.

We have one DS who is 2, and I have long-term MH issues so being a mum has been a real struggle for me. We're getting married (finally) in October.

I work full time and DP works away 2 weekends a month plus a night or two a week, leaving me to do all childcare plus working full time. His hours make up half the days in a year so he gets 5 or 4 days off in a row whilst DS is at nursery, meaning he gets a lot of time to himself. I'm only off weekends and of course DS is at home and I'm doing all housework plus childcare so I don't have any time for myself. I chose to be a mother and I'm very lucky to have had DS (he was IVF) so this isn't about me being in any resentful about the childcare side of it, I signed up for that.

I've been quite unwell with a major relapse of my mental illness in the last few months, and I've felt exhausted and completely unable to cope on my own for these extended periods of time - here's where the issue is. DP has a Glastonbury ticket and so he'll be working away Tuesday and Wednesday and then leaving us until Monday night.

DP keeps saying 'Why don't you arrange to go away?' and using the fact that I don't as a stick to beat me with, but my anxiety means I want to be at home and all I want is for us to have family time. I no longer have a social life. I just can't help but wish he wasn't going to Glastonbury because it sort of represents a bigger issue to me I think. Like he's putting that above me and DS even though he knows I'm not well.

Of course I get that this is mostly my problem, I don't expect him to be home 24/7, but he also goes out in the evenings too, so it's not like he's always trapped at home.

AIBU to wish he wasn't going?

The only model I know is my parents' tumultuous relationship which ended when I was 7 after a couple of years of sometimes physical fighting. Followed by suddenly gaining 3 siblings when I was 12 and my DM remarried. None of it gave me a decent yardstick...

DS loves nursery, he gets to do things he wouldn't at home

Poor you, Albadross

Don't rush to get married in October.

You said that he uses the fact you don't want to go away as a stick to beat you with. This isn't how a loving respectful partner behaves. Maybe post in Relationships too for some more thoughts about what to do next?

I have to say I thought everyone would say IWBU, but I am somewhat re-evaluating things now, so thank you all

I think there are so many things wrong here, maybe they're not huge individually, but taken together - this is the scene it paint:

You work full time and are managing all the childcare and family decisions and all the housework on your own - with a debilitating illness that isnt helping and isnt helped by the situation. You never get to socialise (or put your feet up on your own if thats your thing).

He works full time, 3 days a week he goes 'home' to an empty house, chills out, puts his feet up. a couple of nights a week he goes out after work, has a few drinks with mates. He spends 4 days when hes off shift at home on his own while you wait on him. Every few weekends he goes out socialising. He is gong to spend £500? on himself going to Glastonbury. Hes living a carefree, single life and getting away with it.

When does he see his kids, let alone look after them on his own?

Selfish f'ing git... he needs a talking to at the very least.