Another MIL thread...

[bluedinopyjamas]

A few days ago pfb turned one! It was amazing but I'm still somewhat irked at MIL and trying to work out if iabu. I baked pfb a cake, MIL had too, only said nothing before the morning of pfbs birthday then came out with "in my family granny bakes the cake and I thought I'd continue that lovely tradition!" I said no, I'm pfbs mother I wanted to and have baked a cake and that's what we did in my family. She then sulked all day! And left early after barely interacting with pfb
As not to drip feed were overseas, I don't speak the language fluently, but get by, and there are previous incidents of thoughtlessness (I perceive alsoe)
I'm also very quiet and unassertive and now questioning myself. Wibu?

It's not just about the cake!

Mil tried this with us but it was a shop bought one. I can't understand why anyone would rock up to a party with another cake. Knowing full well there will already be one

IMO? If you CBA to RTFT, why would you go to the trouble to post?

Or does the I stand for irrelevant?

There needs to be a sticky or thread title addition.

Do people seriously think that a thread about a cake seriously runs to 127 posts?

I must be on another planet to other people where cakes are not delicious treats but tools to manipulate and be passive aggressive. What a depressing world to live in. It's a baby and it's a cake!

Ok so if you choose to go down the 2 cake tradition, then soon to be young child now has to choose a favorite and MIL/DIL try to win DC approval on the best cake ... Id be a bit shocked if someone turned up with a cake .. my children said what they wanted .. we planned it or shopped for it and decorated it .. I dont think theyd be too thrilled if Granny pushed their cake out for her to grab the glory. DC decorated their own cakes, they were happy.

The two cakes turn in to two bikes or two play kitchens ect... I have one crazy arse mil

Hissy, often it does, and often on much less contentious issues than two cakes.

PND and increasingly overbearing MIL require different tactics naturally but we only find this out 6 post up. The DH needs to grow a pair and sort his mother out, set some boudaries. And the OP may need to give a bit about things like the cake (or letting granny buy the fancy bike), none of which really matters in the scheme of things.

(I stand by my "your baby your rules thing" being a lazy, pointless and inappropriate response to all but the most significant safety breaches. Mostly what people do is done from love and concern. And mostly people need to find a way of coexisting with their ILs without a bust up.)

I'm more than happy for my mum to have all the cake/present/easter egg/treat glory. She's my kids only living grandparent, and she won't be around forever.

I'm more than happy for my mum to have all the cake/present/easter egg/treat glory. She's my kids only living grandparent, and she won't be around forever.

I would be happy to do let that happen too. I would be less happy if I were not expecting it to happen and, having made all the arrangements, found someone else duplicating them on the day and expecting mine to be sidelined in their favour.

I would never have minded MIL making a cake for one of my DD's parties, not that it would ever have crossed her mind, as long as DH or I had agreed it was happening in advance so I knew I didn't need to make or buy my own.

I would also be more than happy for someone to turn up at a party with extra cake so we had plenty to go round. That is very different from them turning up with what they expect to be THE birthday cake.

It's not about how many cakes you have or who makes them. It's about being considerate of someone else's feelings and communicating in advance if you would like to provide something that the parents would usually expect to provide.

Difficult to do for first birthday, what with only one candle, but from next year just split the candles between the two cakes, peace kept, lots of cake. Or do candles again after dinner for the second cake.

Yanbu. I think you acted v well op.

If the cake was a kind gesture, MIL would have mentioned it to you before.