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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not actually know what te neighbour wants me to do about the cat??

123 replies

Confusedmartie999 · 18/06/2015 17:24

Long story short we moved in a few months ago.
We have a cat aged 3 who we rescued, he always has been a little ferrel and not the type of cat to come home every night etc.
we also have an elderly cat who lives indoors and very rarely ventures out.
We've never been allowed a cat flap before ( renting ) so if he wasn't home by the time we went to sleep he stayed out.
At this house we have one so it's left open all the time, on a latch so if he comes in he can't get back out at night.
Within a few weeks the neighbour knocked and complained the cat was going in their house at night, to sleep, eat and was upsetting their cats.
I apologised, bought them chocolates and have made every effort to ensure by evening he is locked in evening though he spends hours crying at the back door or by the cat flap, so loud it wakes the children from time to time to avoid any conflict with the neighbour.
I did explain in the day I would be letting him out so there isn't much I can do about him coming in during the day and they said it was the night time that was the problem.
No issues since as far as I knew but this morning I bumped into the neighbours outside and the man ( he was the one who initially knocked ) said it's getting ridiculous, that one night last week he found him alseep on his sofa ( this night we had tried and failed to get him to come home, we had tried until 1am with all sorts of treats etc but he just wouldn't come back ) and then went on to say that he also ate cooked sausages that were left on the side in the daytime yesterday.
I did ask why he doesn't lock his cat flap at night since he made it clear his cats don't go out at night but he replied that they aren't going back to litter trays and I should think of a suitable solution.
I said I'm not sure what else I can physically do and he replied that in all the years he has lived here he has never had this and he shouldn't have to fork out for an electronic cat flap to suit us and that our cat shouldn't be living in a cul de sac but on a farm.
I have a 5 year old son who loves the cat otherwise I would consider re homing but I don't know what to do :(

OP posts:

Bailey101 · 18/06/2015 17:29

It's a risk you take if you have cat flaps that electronically controlled. It sucks for your neighbours, but there's not really a whole lot you can do.

DoJo · 18/06/2015 17:33

Could you not offer to pay for them to have an electronically controlled cat flap that would only open for their cats?

Mitzimaybe · 18/06/2015 17:34

The neighbours are very lucky if they haven't encountered this problem previously, as it's extremely common. I had one that used to come in and spray - ugh - and one that seemed starving and would go to any lengths to get at anything even remotely edible, including tearing holes in tough plastic (tupperware-style) containers, ripping open boxes of oxo cubes, that kind of thing. But it's up to the householder to discourage the unwelcome cat.

You're doing everything you reasonably can - i.e. trying your best to get your cat to come in at night, and keeping him in once he does. I don't see what else you can do. If you wanted to be the best neighbour ever, you could fork out for an electronic cat flap for the neighbours - but I don't think you should. They can choose - litter tray, electronic cat flap, or put up with it. Now it's warmer weather, your cat will increasingly refuse to come indoors in the evening so what are you going to do, force it to be an indoor cat? I don't think you can do any more.

Cornettoninja · 18/06/2015 17:35

Yanbu but he is. Yours isn't the first and won't be the last cat to take advantage of an unsecured cat flap.

It's a cat. What does he want you to do? Sit down and have a serious conversation about boundaries? Maybe he needs to have a word with his cats about defence.

Why exactly does he think electronic cat flaps were invented?

limitedperiodonly · 18/06/2015 17:38

I lost all sympathy for your neighbour when he said he won't give his cats a litter tray.

Collaborate · 18/06/2015 17:43

What Cornettoninja said.

Your neighbour has provided the means by which any cat can enter their home. You can't secure their home for them, and it's ridiculous of him to make it your problem. It isn't. there's a simple solution for him. Either remove his cat flap entirely, or lock it at night, or instal an electronic one. If he can't be bothered to do any of that it mustn't be that much of a problem for them.

Consider what you would do if the problem was reversed. Sort it out yourself? That's the only sensible thing to do. Why isn't he doing that?

knowsaymuhfuh · 18/06/2015 17:51

Say this:

It's a CAT. What do you expect me to do, teach it to heel?

MOST people who live in a residential area with an unsecured cat flap gets cats trying to lodge in their house, so people live with it or secure their cat flap. I have to, Joe down the road has to, everyone has to. I'm happy for you if you have lived a blessed life free of this normal thing so far, but that is neither here nor there.

Securing your cat flap can be done in a bunch of ways, with the cheapest being less than the cost of a take-away. If you'd like my pet cat to be locked in the house or re-homed to save you the cost of a take-away, well you can ask.

FlumptyDumpty · 18/06/2015 17:59

YANBU, the neighbours seem to be cat owners with no understanding of actual cats or their behaviour.

In your shoes, I would offer to pay for an electronic cat flap so only theirs can get into their house. If they refuse this then tough.

And anyway, what on earth were they doing leaving meat out on the counter if they have cats? Idiots.

paulapompom · 18/06/2015 17:59

Surely he could lock the cat flap and have an "emergency" litter tray? Justfor nights. Otherwise agree with pp it's an eleelectronic cat flap. When I lived in Essex my neighbour had a FOX come in through the cat flap, if it's unsecured you take your chances.

Mitzi that sounds like one of my cats. He went next door ate my neighbours cottage pie and broke the dish we call him the asbo cat.

PtolemysNeedle · 18/06/2015 18:01

You should buy them one of those cat flaps that only allows the right cats in.

julietbat · 18/06/2015 18:02

YANBU.

One of my cats regularly spends time sleeping on my neighbours bed. I've apologised and offered to pay for them to install a microchip catflap (like ours, which is why we have no other buggers in our house ) but I've only offered because they're lovely people and are very sweet about our cat invading their home all the time.

The problem, like others have said, is actually that they have installed a door into their home by which any other cat could enter if it so wished. Why is that your problem? Why should you be doing something about it? If they don't want to protect their property from other cats then that's their business. DON'T go keeping your cat in because of it though. It's definitely not your cats fault!

Flomple · 18/06/2015 18:03

Sounds like he asking you to pay for an electronic cat flap for his house.

Will you or won't you, that is thekey question and it's your call.

Moomintroll85 · 18/06/2015 18:11

Yanbu. I don't see what more you can do, if it bothers him that much he needs to secure his catflap and put out a litter tray. I don't see why you should pay for an electronic cat flap for him. We keep our cat in at night all the time, don't have a catflap and can't install one as we're in a rented house. He's easy to coax in though and he never goes very far as he's a bit of a wimp, but has been known to thieve stuff from (luckily good humoured) neighbours.

Viviennemary · 18/06/2015 18:13

Well it's your cat that is in the wrong. And it's up to you to fix this IMHO. I'd offer to pay towards his electronic cat flap. Your cat shouldn't be entering into other folks houses. End of.

HayFeverHell · 18/06/2015 18:22

Love it! As some one whose carefully tended lettuces now serve as the neighbour's "litter tray", I am delighted to hear that his own selfishness has bit him in the ass.

slippermaiden · 18/06/2015 18:26

They need to get a microchip activated cat flap like we have so only our cat can go in and out. Not your problem.

AnUtterIdiot · 18/06/2015 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cornettoninja · 18/06/2015 18:37

Bollocks to suggestions of buying him an electronic cat flap. It's his problem. He's put a bloody hole is his door he shouldn't be surprised when stuff comes uninvited through it. Not wanting a litter tray isn't good enough.

For the record if he was moaning about the cat shitting in his garden I'd gladly buy him a sonic thing, if my cat was scrapping with his I'd buy him a supersoaker. I don't think I'm unreasonable in general about empathising with people who don't like cats but his request is on a par with asking the op to keep slugs out of his garden. If he's going to make no effort to secure his entrances then he's a dick.

Fwiw he probably wouldn't even take more than a couple of weeks locking it at night to get the cat out of the habit.

Original poster

Confusedmartie999 · 18/06/2015 18:47

I don't think we should have to pay for an electronic cat flap, in fact I would rather put the money towards moving when our tenancy expires not to have to live next door to people like this to be honest.
I wouldn't dream of expecting someone to pay if it were the other way around, I would just lock my cat flap at night and give them a litter tray or if I were that bothered I would buy the cat flap myself.
It's just going to be super awkward now for as long as we live here and I hate bad feeling but would rather just move than feel how shit they're making me feel.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 18/06/2015 18:50

If he wants to stop other cats coming in through his cat flap he needs to buy one that only lets his cat in. It is not your problem.

SoupDragon · 18/06/2015 18:53

Well it's your cat that is in the wrong. And it's up to you to fix this IMHO. I'd offer to pay towards his electronic cat flap. Your cat shouldn't be entering into other folks houses. End of.

How utter ridiculous. If you have an open hole in your back door, other animals are going to come in. It is the owner of the house that is causing the problem and it is them that needs to sort it. If they had their back door open would you also think the OP should sit her cat down and give him a stern talking to? An open cat flap is no different to an open back door.

However, it does prove my belief that people who end a statement of personal opinions with "end of" are rarely correct.

Moomintroll85 · 18/06/2015 18:57

I like to think your neighbour's cat is typing away on Catsnet...

'AIBU to invite nextdoor's cat over to our house at night? It annoys my human but he's a miserable git anyway and we have a right catty laugh getting on his nerves eating the sausages that he foolishly leaves out where we can reach them'.

Blarblarblar · 18/06/2015 19:02

Vivien have you met a cat?
You can't control the. For instance you can complain to your landlord about a dog being a pest but a cat is considered a law unto itself and not the owners responsibly. Or was when I worked in housing. Neighbours door his problem.
Now I get pretty sick of cleaning cat shit out my veg patch but I can't blame anyone.
My only worry would be if I might hurt the cat? Do you think he could OP or is just bluster.

Cornettoninja · 18/06/2015 19:03

Actually I think I would replace the sausages....

MrsSquirrel · 18/06/2015 19:03

Ooh I like the idea of Catsnet

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