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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this MIL's finest hour?

622 replies

namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 11:54

I've had to name change because my family members know my name on here and if they knew what she was doing all hell would break loose..

MIL is currently on her way to the hospital to visit a relative (her niece). Niece has just this morning welcomed her first baby after a very traumatic labour that has lasted days. A failed induction and many hours later, she has had an EMCS and both are apparently doing well. MIL knows about all this because her SIL has been giving her updates as she receives them from her DD and her partner. She has relayed said details to me and DH.

MIL gets on ok with her SIL but does not like her niece, she has been very judgmental all through her pg, both behind her back and to her face. As a result of this, niece and MIL fell out at a family gathering about 3 months ago.

MIL received a message from her SIL saying that the baby is here but they do not want visitors til visiting time tonight. Despite being told this, MIL is going to the hospital to see the baby... Her SIL is not even attempting to go yet and its her GC.

Niece lives in another county, MIL is on her way there now, NHS staff badge around her neck, to pop in and see the baby. She accused the niece and of being 'silly' and once she gets there she will be happy to have a visitor. She also said that she has to go now because she is busy later in the week and 'can't be expected to wait for them'

The Niece's DP is on facebook now letting everyone know things are ok. Do me and DH tell him she is coming?

We explained to her that she will not be let in if they don't want to see her and she said she 'knows her way around' and is 'practically staff'. She is expecting to see the baby before her own SIL...this is going to cause a shitstorm so big it will consume us all.

OP posts:
mojo17 · 18/06/2015 15:10

Could you start using your maiden name at the hospital to try and "hide" that way?

pictish · 18/06/2015 15:11

Also on tenterhooks here.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 18/06/2015 15:12

She won't be able to swipe in but tailgating another visitor would be fairly straightforward. I'd probably hold the door open for someone wearing what I thought was a staff badge Blush

QueenofallIsee · 18/06/2015 15:13

I am so nosey! really want to know what happened (in a slightly grubby, voyeuristic way truth be told)

Original poster
namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 15:14

DH is in his home office talking to her, he doesn't sound happy at all.. I dread to think what has happened, I bet by his tone that she is majorly annoyed.

I'm trying to listen in but I can't hear, he will tell all when he gets off the phone with her, I bet shes angry that we told them...

Will update shortly!

OP posts:
middlethird · 18/06/2015 15:14

I have the rage for you OP!

redshoeblueshoe · 18/06/2015 15:16

shortly - that's no good we need to know now Grin

diddl · 18/06/2015 15:16

Hopefully she has been turned away.

Change to a new name & book in under it.

Home birth?

TurnipCake · 18/06/2015 15:16

If she tailgates another visitor wearing an NHS badge, she would still have to ask where your niece is on the ward, and then have some serious questions to answer as this is a massive breech.

I work in maternity and I've known members of staff to face disciplinary proceedings because they looked up on a ward management system to see if their friends were in.

Bear in mind your MIL may also have access to view things like Webpacs etc and have access to your blood test results etc. I would definitely be going further with this.

myshinynewusername · 18/06/2015 15:17

At least it sounds like she didn't get in. Hopefully the niece is still blissfully unaware of all of this.

SunnyBaudelaire · 18/06/2015 15:19

I dont think OP should have to disguise herself or have a home birth, why should she, when MIL should be read the riot act?

MistressMerryWeather · 18/06/2015 15:19

What could she possibly say?

Original poster
namechangeorimfucked · 18/06/2015 15:19

I can't actually believe this is happening, she doesn't LIKE the famliy, the family HATES her, yet she drove two hours to the hospital even though the baby's actual grandparent told her not to go.

Something is really wrong here isn't it? When DH told me she was driving there I thought he was joking, I honestly thought it was a sick joke...

OP posts:
TwerkingSpinster · 18/06/2015 15:21

Who stopped her!? What was said!!!????

dollius · 18/06/2015 15:23

Seriously, you need to change hospital and DO NOT TELL ANYONE WHO WILL TELL HER

Shera82 · 18/06/2015 15:23

Abso-flipping-loutly! If this was me Id definitely want to know and tell the MW staff that she is under no circumstances to come near me. What is wrong with this woman? See - this is why I am not even dreading labour - its the visiting afterwards that has me reaching for the calm pills. Do all MIL get a memo when a baby is on the way to react like this or something. Flip sake leave the girl alone. I believe boundaries have to be set from the minute that baby draws breath. aghhhhhh! aaaaand breathe. PS take that bloody badge off her.

poorbuthappy · 18/06/2015 15:23

Its not about being liked or welcomed, its about one up man ship and having control. Those being the overriding emotions of someone like your MIL.

ChristmasLightLover · 18/06/2015 15:23
cashewnutty · 18/06/2015 15:24

Oh lordy. This shit storm is going to be epic.

dollius · 18/06/2015 15:25

This MIL is a fucking legend!

Tanith · 18/06/2015 15:27

I expect it was precisely because they told her not to go.

She has now succeeded in causing maximum stress and drama to a family she doesn't like.
She'll no doubt draw it out by accusing you of betraying her and get lots of drama out of that little situation, too.

Play it down as much as you can, Op (except on here Wink).
Lots of "Did we? Are you? Never mind." non-commital murmurings is the way to play her.

Musicaltheatremum · 18/06/2015 15:27

Can't wait for update. This is madness.

MistressMerryWeather · 18/06/2015 15:30

Good advice Tanith.

Giraffeseyelashes · 18/06/2015 15:30

By the way, when you go into labour (even if MIL doesn't expect it to be until the following month), make it clear when you book in that you have a family situation which means that you do not want ANYONE outside of the check-in staff and medical personal directly attending to you to know that you are in the hospital. Tell them that if anyone gives anything away, even to someone who works for the NHS, then you will be opening up a grievance and you're sure that neither you nor they relish the time away from their work/lives that this would take. And tell them that you want that noted on your records so that there is absolutely no misunderstanding.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 18/06/2015 15:30

Be aware that depending on what department she's in and what access she has, she could be able to see a load of stuff about you on the computer system. My old Trust had GP and Consultant letters on there, appointments, results.

I'd be talking to PALS about checking who's been looking at your records and what to do if you suspect your MIL has been doing it again. It's disgusting and the NHS is very clear about what you can/can't view.

If she is looking at online letters sent to you, or can see ultrasound appointments, she might well twig that your EDD is fake. I'd be making it very clear that you're having no visitors after your baby's birth unless they've been run past yourself or DH first. I'd also consider going to a different local hospital if you can, I had DD in a neighbouring Trust as we were just the other side of the border, so actually closer to our house.

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