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AIBU?

Have I done enough to help this child?

111 replies

kewtogetin · 17/06/2015 13:25

Hi all, I'm going to be sketchy about the details as I don't want to out myself but I will answer any questions you have.
I'm worried about a child, well 2 children actually, in fact worried is not strong enough a word, I'm terrified for them.
They are brothers, 4&7, I know them from my sons school, I see them everyday on the school run and witness the father verbally and (this morning) physically abusing them. This morning he pinned the 4 year old to a wall by his neck, told him to fucking shut up and then stormed off. This was the final straw and i have reported him to SS.
Their have been other incidents, witnessed by myself and others, also reported, I know they are on SS 'radar' so to speak but nothing seems to change/happen.
Incidents include the eldest being kicked in the shins, told he will be thrown in front of a fucking car, picked up by the head and thrown, told 'you're going to suffer when you get home tonight boy'. The boys 'crimes' include whistling and tripping up.....
The father is the most aggressive, threatening man i have ever met, my children witness his behaviour and are terrified of him, my 2 year old calls him 'the naughty Man'
I'm scared for these children but I don't know what else I can do, the mother stands and watches and I've heard her saying 'don't you tell anyone about this or you'll get taken away' and 'if anyone asks you tell them you fell'
I'm at the end of my tether, I dread to think what's happening at home, i feel as though if i witness one more event I'm going to lose it and tell the father exactly what kind of man I know he is, that I'm watching and i know what's going on. Is this a terrible idea?
Is their anything else I can do? Anywhere I can go to help these boys? His aggression is escalating and with the long summer break coming up in genuinely worried for them.

OP posts:

Report

kewtogetin · 17/06/2015 14:53

I'm about to do the school run again, I usually go home a different way from them but today I think I'll follow. I feel as though I want him to know that someone's watching what he does to those boys, not that he seems to care about witnesses, if anything he acts like he's putting on a show in a 'watch me discipline my children' kind of way, he's sick.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 17/06/2015 15:27

I woukd also contact the Police with your concerns, if you feel nothing is being done by sS. Poor boys

Aeroflotgirl · 17/06/2015 15:36

If you see that abuse in plain sight, I dread to think what is going on behind closed doors. Definitely police, and report to Ht at school.

LuluFM · 17/06/2015 15:38

God, heartbreaking for those kids. I would phone NSPCC too. And report it, every time you see it.

I once saw a mother verbally abusing her boy (about 7, I guess) in the street (leaving her house) and guessed from his dejected response it was quite regular. As she also had at least two other children I wrote her a note and put it through the door. I tried to keep the tone non-accusatory although I did say I was concerned by what I'd seen.

Even as adults it's hard to stand up to bullies. If you and others can work together to record and report events it might be a bit easier.

Twothirdsamidwife · 17/06/2015 15:57

Kew -report every single incidence witnessed, to school, ss, nspcc and the police if you have to, if other people see it do they report it? Or feel it's not their business?

I think I'd be inclined to get my phone out and video if I ever saw a 4yr old pinned against a wall. This is not acceptable behaviour and everyone has a duty of care to uphold any childs right to be free from harm, neglect and violence (www.lawstuff.org.uk/the-facts/what-are-childrens-rights)

pilates · 17/06/2015 16:13

Well done op for reporting and not turning a blind eye, but please be careful about filming him. You do need to keep yourself and your children safe. He sounds a very dangerous man. Please keep reporting to SS/school and keep a record.

kewtogetin · 17/06/2015 19:51

Thanks for everyone's help/advice, I'm going to keep a diary and log every incident with the school too.

OP posts:

ohtheholidays · 17/06/2015 19:57

That's shocking that the school,Police and SS haven't removed the children yet.

I used to work within this field.

A school our children used to attend years ago,I reported one incident I witnessed one morning on the school run.A father assaulted his poor young son he was only about 7 years old at the time.
The school told me they'd had concerns about the family and about the home life and this was just the kind of report they needed to be able to help him.

He was put straight onto the At Risk register,the Father was called in and so were the Police and SS.He was removed from the home the same day and placed with extended family.His Father never got him back thank God and the young lad has gone on to have a much happier life.

Honestly I would give the NSPCC a ring right now,I think they'll be
genuinely shocked that nothing has been done yet.Tell them everything,tell them from what you've witnessed and heard the parents and children say that your are worried for the children's life's not just they're safety.Hope that Helps.This is they're helpline 0808 800 5000.

Inertia · 17/06/2015 20:10

I agree with calling police 101 number now, and reporting it to them as well as SS. I would also ask to see the school safeguarding lead.

kewtogetin · 18/06/2015 20:02

UPDATE: the parents know it was me who reported them, SS have put them under 40 days surveillance. According to their version of events the father simply knelt down and placed a hand on the boys chest to calm him down then walked home. I'm furious and feel completely impotent.......plus I'm a bit scared of him after discovering he suffers from multiple personality disorder.

OP posts:

Lucy61 · 18/06/2015 20:07

What does 40 day surveillance mean?

Lucy61 · 18/06/2015 20:08

Well done by the way.

MsMcWoodle · 18/06/2015 20:10

Police. And that's from someone who hates the mumsnet trend for reporting everything.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/06/2015 20:11

Oh gosh. Well done for reporting, yiu did the right thing. You know what you saw, I am sure others have reported him to. The mother for dismissing the child, and minimising their abuse

Mintyy · 18/06/2015 20:12

How do they know it was you?

RickOShay · 18/06/2015 20:13

Kew well done you. Try not to be inimidated by this man. You have done the right thing. Don't give up now, hold your nerve.

AnathemaPratchett · 18/06/2015 20:16

How on earth do they know it was you?

Phone the police and report - you never know it could be on CCTV

Lucy61 · 18/06/2015 20:22

Yes to police. If it was an adult being assaulted on the street, someone would have called the police. Sometimes people think it's different because it's a parent and child- it's not.

Hotpotpie · 18/06/2015 20:27

Out of interest multiple personality disorder or personality disorder? Very different things. You have done the right thing, you should feel proud that you had the guts to do something, far too many people turn the other cheek

kewtogetin · 18/06/2015 20:32

Hot pot, I'm not sure, sorry. I think it's personality disorder?
I found out because the mother told another parent at school and that parent informed me immediately. Obviously they have no proof but as I was the only other person on the road they know it's me.
I'm doubting myself and rather horrendously wishing I'd not said anything, I'm holding my nerve, I know what I saw, THEY know what I saw........
I'm not sure what 40 day surveillance is, this is a whole new world to me.
Thanks for the hand holding, feel a bit shook up.

OP posts:

Hotpotpie · 18/06/2015 20:40

Having had a horrendous time with my SD and people ignoring abuse going on in front of them I think you have totally done the right thing, don't doubt yourself, don't back down, has anyone else witnessed any of the events that may back you up?

WalkingThePlank · 18/06/2015 20:49

Good for you Kew. Thank you for doing what you can for these children. Poor mites.

kewtogetin · 18/06/2015 20:51

Several other parents have witnessed and reported too, I'm by no means the first.

OP posts:

FoodPorn · 18/06/2015 20:57

Well done OP. Those poor boys . Please keep standing up for them.

BifsWif · 18/06/2015 20:58

You absolutely did the right thing OP. Absolutely. My heart broke reading your original post, no child should have to live with violence like that.

Please report what you saw to the police, they will be able to check CCTV footage from the area.

Flip

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