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AIBU?

Have I done enough to help this child?

111 replies

kewtogetin · 17/06/2015 13:25

Hi all, I'm going to be sketchy about the details as I don't want to out myself but I will answer any questions you have.
I'm worried about a child, well 2 children actually, in fact worried is not strong enough a word, I'm terrified for them.
They are brothers, 4&7, I know them from my sons school, I see them everyday on the school run and witness the father verbally and (this morning) physically abusing them. This morning he pinned the 4 year old to a wall by his neck, told him to fucking shut up and then stormed off. This was the final straw and i have reported him to SS.
Their have been other incidents, witnessed by myself and others, also reported, I know they are on SS 'radar' so to speak but nothing seems to change/happen.
Incidents include the eldest being kicked in the shins, told he will be thrown in front of a fucking car, picked up by the head and thrown, told 'you're going to suffer when you get home tonight boy'. The boys 'crimes' include whistling and tripping up.....
The father is the most aggressive, threatening man i have ever met, my children witness his behaviour and are terrified of him, my 2 year old calls him 'the naughty Man'
I'm scared for these children but I don't know what else I can do, the mother stands and watches and I've heard her saying 'don't you tell anyone about this or you'll get taken away' and 'if anyone asks you tell them you fell'
I'm at the end of my tether, I dread to think what's happening at home, i feel as though if i witness one more event I'm going to lose it and tell the father exactly what kind of man I know he is, that I'm watching and i know what's going on. Is this a terrible idea?
Is their anything else I can do? Anywhere I can go to help these boys? His aggression is escalating and with the long summer break coming up in genuinely worried for them.

OP posts:

Report

Aeroflotgirl · 19/06/2015 22:52

wideopenspace worse . What do they want to happen, something like baby p or Daniel Pelka.

Wideopenspace · 19/06/2015 18:00

The thrust of any SS input initially will be for the parents to change their behaviour.
It simply is not as straightforward as "taking the children away" in all but the most extreme cases - and whilst I know this case sounds extreme, there are much worse.

TendonQueen · 19/06/2015 13:39

Keep an eye on them OP. I suspect as you do that the good behaviour won't last. I also think the mum is making up the bit about 40 days as that doesn't seem to be something SS actually do.

Can you talk to other parents who do the school run with you about this? Then others will also be able to report, but also if the dad became confrontational later, it might help to be part of a group - like many bullies he might then be less likely to kick off.

Sadit · 19/06/2015 10:15

Sometimes I think the only way to get instant results in horrific situations like this is film and put on social media (not advocating this but feels like only things played out in the public eye get sorted)!
Agree with PPs who say call the police as I'm sure they would involve social services.
Well done op many people would ignore

spidey66 · 19/06/2015 10:01

Poor little mites. It sounds like SS have called round and that's why he's letting his kids be kids. Won't last though.

I do hope they're removed and the kids go with family or foster parents who happen to, like, care about them.

kewtogetin · 19/06/2015 09:53

Well surprise surprise he was practically Mary poppins this morning. Letting the boys run around and take their coats off, behaviour which previously would have gotten them screamed at. He won't be able to keep it up for long.
The parents saw me but never said anything.

OP posts:

Alanna1 · 19/06/2015 09:28

I don't know if this is a good idea or not (ask the NSPCC maybe?) but when I went through a tough time at home as a child (not domestic violence - "just" warring divorcing parents) a small number of my schoolfriends' parents opened their doors to me. With hindsight I suspect it was probably organised. They just gave me dinner, and I'd play at their houses / do my homework with their kids / stay over very occasionally etc. Could you do similarly?

bottleofbeer · 19/06/2015 09:25

Oh of course, poor woman must be abused herself. Maybe she's just as much of a bastard as he is. A seven year old with injuries from being kicked in the head? Jesus Christ almighty.

Superworm · 19/06/2015 09:12

If the youngest is 4 years old I would contact the health visitor and they will do a home assessment. The more professionals that know about these children the better. Well done for reporting it.

Aussiemum78 · 19/06/2015 09:08

does he always go on school run? The mum might not be able to escape if he is always with her. Telling her kid he wasn't strangled might be to shield him from being hit again.

I wouldn't assume she is as bad as him, she might genuinely feel if she tries to leave they are dead.

Sawyer1986 · 19/06/2015 09:01

???? those boys could possibly not live to see their next birthday. They are being failed massively by SS.
I have no sympathy for their so called mother she's a disgrace and just as bad as him. Regardless of what he is. No mother should allow her babies to live like that.

Aussiemum78 · 19/06/2015 08:56

I'd record it on my phone and call police. Demand that charges are pressed.

That's horrific.

27inmyhead · 19/06/2015 08:49

Can I ask how you know about things like poo smearing and being thrown against kitchen cupboards?

27inmyhead · 19/06/2015 08:48

Don't follow them, don't film them, don't say anything. Ring the police.

Sawyer1986 · 19/06/2015 08:45

Have your phone at the ready and record him/take pictures. Do you have a trusted mum friend who you can tell to do the same?
Id call the police if he laid a hand on one of those boys.

kewtogetin · 19/06/2015 08:01

I'm doing the school run shortly, I can't film as I'll be pushing the pram but i can put voice record on my phone and prop it on the hood of the pram just in case.

OP posts:

timtam23 · 18/06/2015 23:01

OP I would also say please call 101 & report the latest assault, I know SS are already involved and the police have previous contact with this family but please do let the police know, and also that the mother is not being truthful about what happened. Every bit of information you can give is potentially helping these 2 little children.

I am not a social worker but do work in a field where child safeguarding issues are fairly regular occurrences, and it does often seem that the wheels of bureaucracy turn extremely slowly. Please please keep reporting anything you see to police/school/SS including ringing 999 if necessary. And well done for standing up for those poor children.

trickyex · 18/06/2015 22:32

Call the 101 police number tonight and if you see any other incidents on the school run just call 999 as you would if you saw such an attack on any adult.
Harrowing thread, hang in there OP and please know you did the right thing by reporting.

kewtogetin · 18/06/2015 22:24

Whatamistakeatomakea, this isn't an isolated incident, it's not just a case of what I've seen/reported. The eldest boy turned up one day with a giant lump on his head, he told the teacher his dad had kicked him in the head. The police were called but come 3pm he was released back into their care.
The poo smearing, the head injury, the being picked up by the head and thrown against kitchen cupboards, being kicked by the father etc etc incident after incident reported by several other parents.

OP posts:

CamelHump · 18/06/2015 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 18/06/2015 22:09

It's not that they have gotten away with it OP it sounds as though social care are doing an assessment. Without evidence other than one person said this incident happened SW can't just remove a child.

If Police had been called and attended and had seen or had evidence of the assault then they could have removed the child under Police Protection. If there was evidence of injury or lots of witnesses etc then the Sw could have tried for an emergency protection order in court.

Hopefully social care will assess and find enough worries to keep the case open to carry on working with the family rather than closing the case this time. Continue to report anything you see or hear as this can add to their evidence.

Fairy13 · 18/06/2015 22:08

I don't think they have got away with it, OP. It sounds like they are doing an assessment and hopefully that will lead to some changes.

Document every incident with time and date and document it at the time. Report every single time, and report to the school too. If they report it will add weight to the concern.
The fact that the eldest child is smearing in the toilets is a massive red flag and the school should be flagging that up with SS.

wherethewildthingis · 18/06/2015 22:06

Hello op - children's social worker here. Please call 999 if you see this again. That is the right way to get the right outcome for these children

Aeroflotgirl · 18/06/2015 22:03

Keep reporting op, tell school. You are doing so well.

Wideopenspace · 18/06/2015 22:00

I think the '40 days' thing refers to the amount of time SS have to carry out an initial assessment following a referral.

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