Calling DP 'hubby' when not married?

[stqueen]

This is winding me up far more than it should be. I have a friend (actually one of my oldest friends who is lovely) who refers to her DP, in person & on social media, as her 'hubby' or 'hubs'. FB status posted at the weekend referring to her 'lovely hubby'. They are not married & never have been ! Many couples consciously choose not to marry & it isn't a big deal these days simply to have a long term DP. They have 2 children together so I suppose she feels married but I feel it makes a mockery out of those who ARE married! I have asked her why she does it, she simply says she feels married & he is her DH in all but a marriage certificate. As I said, this is winding me up far more than it should be, perhaps I have too much time on my hands noticing these things but she's done it for years & its really starting to get on my nerves! AIBU?

There's no such thing as a common law marriage, urban myth!

Her decision re wanting to get married or not but unless she is married how does she know that it feels like being married. Tbh from my experience its totally different but thats just my experience. Yabu to get upset by her comments.

Shockers- I can't see how any of that affects you..................

Always shocked when people mention 'common law marriage' - it is as real as unicorns

Did marriage change my relationship? Not really, but it did secure my rights before having children, particularly with the impact that they've had on my income/ career. Until I signed the wedding certificate, I had no claim on the home I'd lived in and looked after for several years. Being married meant that DH became my next of kin rather than my family.

I'm sure eyebrows would be raised if I started calling him my boyfriend. In many ways (other than children) little has changed since we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and it is a stage we have progressed through. I'd probably look like I was trying to paint some image of being fun and loved-up which would be pretty nauseating even I didn't start abreviating down to "boyf"

So for trying to portray an image that they're not, YANBU.

I hope you keep some smelling salts in your bag stopthecavalry.

The anti idiot shield is more effective ;-)

I don't think people always benefit from marriage. I'm planning a baby with my DP and we'll be soon moving in together but marriage isn't on my radar. I own my own house outright, I outearn dp and I have a son and I would want his inheritance protected in the advent of my death/a divorce.

stopthecavarly- at least you have some protection for your delicate sensibilities. I admire you for struggling through life.

Seriously I had to challenge the common law thing because it is a v dangerous myth. This is a public forum and people read posts for advice on their situation. I am glad you can't let this go because it helps to drive home my point :-)

Hate, hate, hate the word 'hubby'
Was there ever a more cringeworthy word out there?
Oh yes 'hubs'

Isn't there a common law thing if you've lived together for over 2 years

No no no! Common law is a myth in the UK.

You are either married or not aren't you?

Marriage is not a superior choice (although legally it might be) and of course people who aren't married are just as committed and their relationships are just as good and strong as those who are married.

It has nothing to do with superiority. You just aren't married. It doesn't offend me or anything as I have better things to be offended about. But no matter how long you have been with someone or how great your relationship is you are not husband and wife unless you have signed that paper.

I don't care who is married or not but if you want to call your partner your husband/wife then I am going to assume that you respect the institution of marriage, and in that case, just get bloody married.

Words mean something. You can feel as married as you like, but you still aren't married. It simply doesn't make sense to me to call someone your husband when they aren't. If you are happy with not being married why would you even want to use the word husband?

Maybe they are trans married like some people are transracial or transsexual.

but if you want to call your partner your husband/wife then I am going to assume that you respect the institution of marriage,

But that is your assumption.
I call my OH my husband as that is the closest description I can find. Boyfriend? Partner?
No
It's because of other's understanding that I call him husband.
I have bought and paid for a christmas tree- too heavy to bring home. So I tell the assistant that my husband will be in later to pick it up.
I really don't see how that causes any harm. All my family refer to us as husband and wife when making introductions, they are aware we are not married, but they too feel it is a useful description.

Because you feel married, or are married in the eyes of God (which theologically speaking can happen by consent eg common law).

State marriage feels a bit like a pre-divorce curse to some people who lived through the multiple breakages of a family, and funnily enough their "not marriages" will probably be taken a LOT more seriously than some suburbanite's dream day with a nice reception at the local hotel and a holiday in Barbados. To others who actually care about that stuff you say about God in a religious wedding, rather than lying to a priest/imam for the nice ceremony, the state marriage does not feel like, or perhaps is not, an option.

I am a Mrs although I am not married.

You don't have to go through a legal ceremony to be 'married'

I dont like the word hubby but maybe she is using it as a quick word to indicate that she is in a long term relationship.

I still can't see why unmarried people, who think it's so unimportant or even a big crap maybe to be married, refer to themselves as married.

It's such a non-issue but just, why? It's bugging me now lol! I need more coffee.

Relative of mine has been with her hubby for nearly 30 years i discovered only recently they were not married I really dont think it matters Hubs though

I don't care who is married or not but if you want to call your partner your husband/wife then I am going to assume that you respect the institution of marriage, and in that case, just get bloody married.

This totally. It's a nonsense to call someone your husband when they are not. That's...just...well a lie.

holdyer- why does it matter to you?

I don't tell anyone that I am married- but I do have the title of Mrs and refer to my OH as my husband.