To expect my DCs (Yr 7&9) to walk 40 mins to school and home again.

[Lauresbadhairday]

My DCs are at an independent school and therefore most of the children live some distance away and are dropped off and picked up from school by parents every day. We live a 40 min walk away and I think my DCs should be able to manage this to and from school. They are 12 & 14.

They moan daily about walking - "it's too far", "my bag's too heavy, "it's raining", "none of my friends walk" etc, etc.

Now by my own admission I have been too soft and have dropped them off/picked them up quite frequently however I really want this to stop and for them to walk. I am getting much tougher and have not given them a lift at all since half-term but the moaning continues.

So, AIBU in making them walk 40 mins to school and back? If the general consensus is that I am then I will suck it up and give them a lift but I really think at 12&14 they are perfectly capable of walking this distance daily.

Sazzel - it's more caring and productive to let them walk.

I walk that distance to and from school every day now (teacher), with my laptop, piles of marking, and whatever else I need. It's great to think (or MN) about the day ahead.

At my city secondary comp, pretty much every child walks or cycles. The occasional child who has a lift is surreptitiously dropped at the end of the road, as the kids think it far cooler to be independent.

There's a great documentary on Netflix at the moment, called something like 'On my Way to School'. It follows the routes children go to school around the world each day. 1.5 miles on good pavements is nothing!

Its a matter of independence really. Self-transport is an independence that should be granted when they start secondary school. Anyone old enough for a mobile and relative on-line independence is also old enough to get themselves around town on their own. I bet they would walk twice that far if it was the only way they could meet their friends on a Friday night. The walk is absolutely physically possible, even with gear, and once they get to Uni they will be doing such hikes regularly between lodgings, classes and pubs.

"But in a normal busy week it's a luxury we can't afford."

I'm boggling at this, keeptothewhiteline. I'm a single parent, I have a job, I volunteer and generally have a lot to do. I also don't have much money, and I don't drive (am in London so would be mad to). The idea that it is a "luxury" to walk is just ridiculous.

I didn't have any choice but for quite a long walk (about 40 mins) to my DS's primary school when he was 4. There wasn't any other option. But if there had been another option, all it would have meant is another 10 minutes in bed for us both. I think that 10 minutes is a fair swap for an active, healthy child, who has had some exercise in the morning before he gets to school so is ready to sit down and learn. It's also set him up with some really good habits for life. And it hasn't belched yet more car fumes into the environment.

I arranged my work times so I could do this and still get to work on time. This may not be possible for everyone, but breakfast clubs and so on really help with this. Did I want to walk every day? No, but it was free and I had to do it, and it's better than going to the gym.

The woman who lives next to my sister drives her son to the primary school which is on the same road that they live. She justifies it with how busy she is. I do wonder how her kid is going to manage when he is older.

Oh, and the walk to and from school when DS was little was "family time". We chatted all the time, it was great.

I did this by choice in secondary school (4 miles, about an hour). I started off getting the bus, then my best friend and I decided I would get off the bus halfway and walk the rest of it together, then I ditched the bus altogether. It was our quality time together away from the rest of the group and we both loved it.

I wouldn't be able to do that now because of health problems. Now that I understand how horrible it can be to have to walk when you're in pain, exhausted, and every step is a big effort, I wouldn't force someone to do it when there was a reasonable alternative.

Well my year 7 does a 55min walk each way and his is not the furthest. A couple of kids live even further down our lane. I offer most mornings but he prefers to walk with mates

Imagine you are in a situation where you can only afford to have one car between you and your husband, and your husband got the long straw and gets to take the car. Imagine the distance between your work and his is the same as from your work and your children's school in the real situation. Would you expect him to give you a lift, or would it be so much out of his way that you would agree to walk every day? Your children are your family, and should be treated with the same kindness you would expect your family to treat you. Remember, one day you'll be old, and you might be the one expecting your kids to help you! A giving parent will find that their children are giving back when the power is reversed. If you're going in that direction, why on earth wouldn't you help out? i don't understand this at all - especially on dark and rainy evenings.

I would never be so cruel to my kids.

Ds used to take a bus at £40 a month! Now he walks 40 mins and gets £20 a month.
I want him to grow up strong and self sufficient. It's a really nice time of day for him - not under house rules/not under school rules. Yanbu.

Is this thread still going?

When I was at school it was normal. I lived 20-30 mins walk from school. My frineds lived 20 mins walk from my house, and therefore it must have been a 40 minute walk to school for them. They'd call for me on the way to school.

It was no big deal.

It was the nearest school, and there was no school bus.

But then only 3 people in the whole school were regularly collected by parents in those days.

I know at my DCs primary many, many families walk 25-30 mins to school, with infant DC. Through choice....there are closer schools but they have chosen a Catholic one. If a 6 year old can do a 30 min walk, a 12yo can do a 40 min walk.

If you're able to give them a lift, OP, I would do it if it was raining, or if they had a lot to carry. Otherwise, a walk won't kill them.

What's the cruel bit, OurGlass?

DS walks home several times a week
If I'm around I'll phone and say I'm free do you want a lift. He usually ( well so far always) says no. He said it gives him time to clear his he'd.

If he wants a lift he will ask in advance ( eg he has plans for after school) if I or his dad can't pick him up (very rare) ill tell him to take a taxi.

The walk is about 50 mins and he enjoys it. His brother was the same when he went to school.

YANBU - definitely not. It's a great habit to get them in to. We don't do enough walking. We are gettting in habit of jumping in our cars to nip somewhere just because we can. You are doing a brilliant thing and training them well for their future. Well done - keep it up.

My DD2 walks 40 mins to work and 40 mins back most days-works 14 hour shifts as a a midwife She could bus but wants to save and it keeps her fit She always walked about 20 mins to school
I think I might compromise and drive them home as they will be a lot more tired end of day?

Hahaha at "cruel", if that's cruel what am I? My FOUR year old walks 40mins to and from nursery/school in sept every day. That's a fast walk for me, she pretty much jogs most of it. It's country lanes, and then through the village. It's not a luxury, there are no buses that go that way, we would have to get one bus in the opposite direction into the next town and then another bus from there out again going up and around other villages before reaching the one we want. That'd take 2.5 hours. Kids that are used to walking are fine with it, precious people who have forgotten what their legs are for tend to think that their kids wouldn't cope with distances that actually, they are fine with if they build up to being used to longer distances. DD skips along, runs off along the verge singing, bounds back and trots along with me talking about dragons; she's got tonnes of energy and doesn't complain at all about that distance. This is because she's had to get used to long walks, I don't drive, we live in the arse end of nowhere and I've always been a big walker.

Why can't they have bikes or scooters?

Mine has just finished her GCSEs and she walked 40 min to school and back every day throughout secondary (with the odd exception). Don't think it's done her any harm at all. On very rainy days I got her a taxi in so she wouldn't be wet all day, but walking back in the rain isn't so bad as you can just get dry and put fresh clothes on when you get back.

YANBU.

I agree 1.5 miles is NOT far but I dare the lot of you to take all the stuff secondery school children are expectd to take on a nice little 3 mile walk and tell me if its still fine?

1.5 miles = not far
what my school expects them to carry most days = not fine for that amount of walk I actully weighed my oldest bag + kit that he has to take on a thursday (no option to store it) and the combined weight was 18.6 kg nearly a third of his body weight!

now with this wieght in mind is a 3 mile round trip still a gentle form of excusie?

(let me add i pick him up and DH takes him to school only on a thursday due to this weight and if the weather is truly foul not just spitting but torrential rain etc)

18.6kg

I don't know why we don't do it the American way and have lockers.

I second TedAndLola wondering why we dont have lockers like in America as my husband is consently saying its stupid having to lug all the texts to and from school everyday (my husband is American btw)

Its the science text books and his lacross kit that weigh the most (he for some reason has phyics , chemestry and biology on the same day and those textbooks (or tomes as i call them) weight over 2kg each and are bloody massive they are compareable to the law text books I had doing my degree and I thought they were stpudily large

Do most schools really not have lockers any more? Both secondary schools I went to in the late nineties had them. Is there a reason they've been done away with?

Ds1 is in yr8 and has walked or cycled to school since yR. Secondary school is 1.5miles and takes 35 minutes to walk or he can just about cycle it in 10minutes. He isn't allowed walking boots and wouldn't have space to carry them anyway plus he's a typical teen in in regards to coats - he will wear a rain coat if heavy rain otherwise it's shirt and jumper whatever the weather!

His school does have lockers - you have to apply for one at the start of yr7 and every child who wants one, can have one but I know many who choose not to have one, ds1 included.

His bag is heavy but doesn't include textbooks - the school work from worksheets, books which stay in school or online texts (they are allowed to use smartphones and are bringing tablets for online texts - didn't have that in my day! )

I think most teens are capable of walking or biking 1-2 and even 3 miles a day. My DC have both done 20 mile bike rides - the last one was an 80 mile ride over 3 days - I feel if my youngest can do that at 10 then 1-3 miles is nothing!

Personally (and I know a few of you wont agree with me) I think we are a little soft on our children. I'm not saying we should beat them with a cane but how is exercise a bad thing?!

ShadowsIn mine had to do that, too, at 4, and I'd argue that it was actually better for them - not least because they have so much energy at that age and by the time they'd got to school, they'd bounced and run off enough of that energy to be able to settle nicely in their classroom, ready to learn.