To expect my DCs (Yr 7&9) to walk 40 mins to school and home again.

[Lauresbadhairday]

My DCs are at an independent school and therefore most of the children live some distance away and are dropped off and picked up from school by parents every day. We live a 40 min walk away and I think my DCs should be able to manage this to and from school. They are 12 & 14.

They moan daily about walking - "it's too far", "my bag's too heavy, "it's raining", "none of my friends walk" etc, etc.

Now by my own admission I have been too soft and have dropped them off/picked them up quite frequently however I really want this to stop and for them to walk. I am getting much tougher and have not given them a lift at all since half-term but the moaning continues.

So, AIBU in making them walk 40 mins to school and back? If the general consensus is that I am then I will suck it up and give them a lift but I really think at 12&14 they are perfectly capable of walking this distance daily.

Ohtoblazes, what? Walking is not "borderline useless exercise"! Ok, it's not HIIT, but it's at least moving. I wish I could walk to work but it's 11 miles.

I think their shoes and bags are v important - I walked half a mile from the bus home, and I wore ridiculous high heels to secondary and carried a satchel-type bag. I did get backache and sore feet. At that age, I would have been mortified at the suggestion that I take trainers/wear flats/have a sensible rucksack, but in some ways things have moved on a lot since the mid-90s and exercise has become more mainstream. Also, brogues are fashionable (as are ballet pumps, although those aren't good for your feet. They're better than high heels, though). I would be insisting that they walked, but I would also be insisting that they had sensible shoes and bags.

It's why we would never live in the countryside, Worra! Too impractical since I'm a non-driver. Plus, I grew up in the country and hated being dependent on my parents for lifts as a teenager. Couldn't wait to be somewhere where I could go out and about under my own steam!

I also believe in being kind to my children
You see - I don't think it's kind to children to bring them up thinking that a walk of under 2 miles is a big deal. Just like it's not kind to them to give them Haribo and chocolate for breakfast because they don't feel like eating toast. Much, much kinder to them to help them grow up active and capable! If they didn't feel like walking from their bed to the front door, would you go and carry them!

Yes, BertrandRussell, kindness is very important. Hence taking bus or car in the rain and keeping walking for fair weather!

Bert, I don't think this thread is about giving an occasional lift.

BertrandRussell I agree.

" also believe in being kind to my children
You see - I don't think it's kind to children to bring them up thinking that a walk of under 2 miles is a big deal"

No, neither do I. But I repeat. If I didn't feel like walking and rang my dp to ask him to pick me up, would it be OK for him to say no?

Yes of course it would be ok for him to say no, just because 'you didn't feel like it'.

Fair enough if he wants to go and pick you up, but if he doesn't want to ferry you about it's absolutely fine to say no, in the absence of a good reason.

Simply not feeling like it, is no reason to expect others to run around after you.

Yes it would. I wouldn't drive to collect DH if it was 1.5 miles to walk. Waste of my time, and petrol

It's a bit different Bertrand. Your husband isn't responsible for moulding your behaviour and habits. You're an adult, and for him to do that would be manipulative and controlling.

But as a parent, we are responsible for moulding our children's behaviour and instilling good habits. It's our job. So, if your DC ring and say 'please pick me up, I don't feel like walking,' I think there's a judgement to be made, and a wider context to think about.

And, also, a 1.5 mile walk should only be 25 mins walk at the most for a healthy teen, which is no time at all! By the time you'd got the car out and driven there, they could be halfway home.

YADNBU. I too am shocked at so many people saying it is too far! It truly is a worrying trend. On very rainy or icy days, sure give them a lift, otherwise why not walk?

Ah. Another one of these Mumsnet things I don't understand. Why do so many people start from a position of not being nice to each other rather than the other way round? I just can't imagine circumstances where I would say no if someone rang from our station for a lift. Well, I suppose if I was at a critical point in something that couldn't wait- but then I wouldn't have answered the phone!

I can't believe so many people think that it is too far. It's mindboggling! 1.5 miles! Of course it isn't too far. I walked 20 minutes to the station, then sat for 20 minutes on the train and then walked another 20 minutes from the station to school when I was at secondary school, and many people did the same, or more, without melting when it was raining, or expiring under the weight of their school bags.

What will they do if they go to university? We all walked much further than that every day -to libraries, lectures and tutorials in different places, back for lunch half way through the day, back out to more lectures. It never even occurred to me - or anyone I knew - to think it was a long way. Because, you know, it isn't.

Haven't read the whole thread - has this been posted already?

Not pandering to someone feeling lazy, isn't not being nice to them.

Fine if you're not busy or if you're in the mood to go and pick them up.

But that person has no right to expect the driver to go and fetch them simply because they can't be arsed to walk.

You see Bertrand, you're starting from a position that walking is a not nice thing to do. That might be true for you. It's not for me, and I don't want it to be for my kids either. An active lifestyle is good for everyone.

I repeat - if your healthy teen called down to you 'I don't feel like walking downstairs this morning,' would you go up and carry them? I imagine not! To many normal people, walking for 20 mins is in the same category!

That said, I don't think anyone's suggested that there should never be an occasional lift given. The thread is about what the regular routine should be.

I think a good compromise is to drop them off and pick them up halfway to the school. That way you avoid the queue of cars at pick up time and they still get some exercise. I used to do something similar with my DCs and it worked very well for us.

I agree with pp about being aware of heavy school bags. I have had terrible back problems for most of my life which started during my teens. Back conditions tend to get diagnosed in adults but it's common for damage to actually happen when children and teenagers are still growing.

I don't understand why so many people are happy to spend the petrol money. An average sized car costs approx 45p per mile to run, if you include servicing, wear and tear, depreciation etc. So £1.50 for a 3 mile round trip. Or £15 per week for a 1.5 mile school run. It soon mounts up!

The servicing and depreciation would happen anyway, Scoffa, so the incremental cost per mile is less. But I agree, unnecessary. It is ridiculous how many secondary school kids are ferried to school.

"You see Bertrand, you're starting from a position that walking is a not nice thing to do. That might be true for you. It's not for me, and I don't want it to be for my kids either. An active lifestyle is good for everyone."

No, I'm not. I love walking. I'm starting from the position that sometimes people are tired, or have heavy bags, or have just done 3 hours of sport or just want to be home. Or it's really hot (the walk from our station has no shade) or really wet.

If you live in the depths of the country you can't think about how much your car costs to run- you'd go mad.

Why do you think the thread is about saying no to occasional lifts, Bertrand? It's not, it's about what the regular routine for the OP's kids should be.

I lived in.the countryside as a teen, the costs of running a car, two cars were an important factor in budgeting. I cycled everywhere, I had Saturday jobs etc some in hotels in a town 5miles or so away, I biked. I did loads of babysitting as well and cycled to and from, I didn't expect my parents to ferry me about.

My own teen did some volunteering recentky that led to paid work, it's a good 30 min walk and he walks to get there and back. As the op says traffic often means walking can be just as quick as going in the car. It's 1.5 miles fgs, that is not a long walk.

The op has said she will help when they have heavy stuff or its raining but it's perfectly fine for the kids to walk the rest of the time. People need to think about the impact of all these short journeys, clogging up the roads, causing congestion and pollution. It's not good for your car either and they are simply not necessary when healthy, able bodied people can walk.

I think it's kind to my kids to instill healthy habits and to think about the environment that they are growing up in.

How far away is your office OP? Would you walk / cycle there ? Just poking !

I lived 10 mins walk at most away from my schools and still cycled but if they don't want to, then they don't want to. It would make them a bit more independent during school holidays though provided that they had road sense, would wear a helmet and would not use headphones under any circs; so that might be worth considering. The road sense element is also useful as it is good training for a motorised scooter/small car later too.

They are too old for push scooters I think. While I use one for the school run they are a right pain and actually quite hard work on one leg, far more so than a bicycle if you have a heavy load.

DH and his brother got a lift to school every morning I think because BIL couldn't shift his ass in the morning mostly but were expected to make their own way home. It sounds like a similar sort of distance. DH is almost 40 and a fitness freak. He still whinges about dragging home stuff in the wind and rain though.

I think you've reached a good compromise. They work on the basis that they get to school by themselves and on allocated days or if the weather is stupidly bad you will pick them up from an allotted spot at X time but will keep going if they are not there by 3.40

Wow. 40 minutes is definitely not too far. Ds1 has been doing it everyday since y7, now y11 and never moaned. If it rains he wears a coat.

My younger ones have been walking 30 minutes to their primary school since reception. Rain = coats.

I really am astounded that people think teenagers can't manage a small walk.

My lot don't have much choice - I have to take the younger ones to primary in the opposite direction.