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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DCs (Yr 7&9) to walk 40 mins to school and home again.

399 replies

Lauresbadhairday · 10/06/2015 15:35

My DCs are at an independent school and therefore most of the children live some distance away and are dropped off and picked up from school by parents every day. We live a 40 min walk away and I think my DCs should be able to manage this to and from school. They are 12 & 14.

They moan daily about walking - "it's too far", "my bag's too heavy, "it's raining", "none of my friends walk" etc, etc.

Now by my own admission I have been too soft and have dropped them off/picked them up quite frequently however I really want this to stop and for them to walk. I am getting much tougher and have not given them a lift at all since half-term but the moaning continues.

So, AIBU in making them walk 40 mins to school and back? If the general consensus is that I am then I will suck it up and give them a lift but I really think at 12&14 they are perfectly capable of walking this distance daily.

OP posts:
BabyGanoush · 11/06/2015 06:46

Walking enjoyable ?

Yes, but not in a polyester uniform with bookbag and PE kit along a busy road.

For example

We don't know if it is through parks/woods or along main roads

Also it sucks arriving at school drenched with sodden feet.

keeptothewhiteline · 11/06/2015 06:50

No - too far. My kids always have very heavy bags too and part of the way home is a very narrow winding road with very little pavement.

No way would I have my kids cycle. I consider cycling very dangerous.

SophieHatters · 11/06/2015 06:51

When I was that age I cycled three miles there (up a hill, partly) and three miles back (up another hill, partly!) but I loathed it.

It was exhausting and I would have had far more energy for learning and so on if I had not had to cope with this. I would often get home and be almost unable to breathe, the traffic was bad, I had no gears and probably mild asthma.

It was horrible in the rain, you would end up in wet clothes most of the day.

We had no car though. I think a good compromise would be to take them part of the way, or pick them up part of the way home, or let them take a bus when it rains.

The bags are the biggest issue. They do weigh a ton these days.

Biking it may be a better option if it is reasonably safe to do so. It was not safe when I did it. Lots of near misses.

ArcheryAnnie · 11/06/2015 06:54

Mine walked 40 mins to school ajd back from the3 age of 4. (No choice - didn't get into nearby primaries, I don't drive, and the bus stop was oit of the way and would have taken longer. It did him a lot of good - he got exercise before school, and arrived ready to settle down and learn.

The difference I think between primary and secondary is the weight of the bags, I think. Only you can determine whether the (admittedly sometimes ridiculously huge) schoolbags are really a barrier to the walk.

ArcheryAnnie · 11/06/2015 06:56

(Gah, full of typos, sorry! On phone and before my first cup of tea of the day.)

keeptothewhiteline · 11/06/2015 06:57

Re cycling- in my area there have been 157 serious cycling accidents - 5 fatal in the past 5 years. Most of them have happened during the morning rush hour and 70% of them had the motorist to blame.
My kids don't even own bikes.

Frenchmustard7 · 11/06/2015 07:18

Baby - why would a child be completely wet if they were wearing proper waterproof jackets and proper foot wear? Yes they might need a change of trousers if they aren't wearing waterproof trousers in extra-rain but the rest should be fine. It's not like they are walking up an exposed mountain daily, it's just boring British weather usually. Deep dangerous snow or ice, flooding and extreme wind will mean the school will possibly be shut anyway.

Parents can provide a nice snack for the end of day walk for energy

A 1 hour and 20 min walk five days a week, then sitting down and using screens is so much better then being picked up by car, then sitting in front of screens like many teens do. We are a nation of fatties, a health bomb disaster in the making and as parents we should be proactively encouraging fitness and integrating it into kids lives.

Also lastly, the boys are doing the walk together which is very social

Frenchmustard7 · 11/06/2015 07:20

A good ruck sack and being selective about what to pack and using a school locker daily is the way forward.

chrome100 · 11/06/2015 07:22

YANBU at all! 40 mins is certainly not far. No wonder we are a nation of fatties if that's what people think.

TheMotherOfAllDilemmas · 11/06/2015 07:23

Agree about big load of books in private school and the associated bullying. I think in this case you sound just mean.

DS' was carrying more books in a day when he was in private school than he has carried in almost a year in state school. A forty minute walk carrying a planner and a lunchpack is not that much, carrying an additional 3 kg is.

badow · 11/06/2015 07:25

Can't they bike it? I would t want to spend 1 hour 20 minutes a day just walking to and from school, on bikes they'd do it far quicker.

Frenchmustard7 · 11/06/2015 07:25

Also walking anywhere is enjoyable/interesting. Roads/countryside/towns, it doesn't need to be scenic

sunseeker66 · 11/06/2015 07:28

My dd walks to the local comp it is about a 30 min walk.

I don't drive so most of the time she has to walk.

It never entered my mind that it was too far.

Frenchmustard7 · 11/06/2015 07:30

A bully will always find something to bully about because the bully has issues. Bulling about a boy walking is not really about the boy walking.

inaboxwithafox · 11/06/2015 07:37

I walked 30 minutes minimum to and from school every day. Plus PE as an elective so sport every day. Then after school sports clubs some days and all weekend.

If it was terribly rainy I got up extra early and got a lift with my mum but it was always easier to just get myself to school. No hardship. It was just part of my day.

inaboxwithafox · 11/06/2015 07:38

Oh I used it as an opportunity to listen to tapes I'd recorded from the radio Grin

Original poster
Lauresbadhairday · 11/06/2015 07:39

They are not bullied about walking they just think it's unfair that they have to walk when all their peers are dropped off/picked up in cars.

Thanks for all your comments. I think they can continue to walk most days but I will be more aware of bag weight, extra kit, weather etc and give lifts when appropriate.

OP posts:
FishWithABicycle · 11/06/2015 07:48

I was in exactly the same position as a teenager - at a private school where 90% lived a long way away but I was nearby. In the first year (y7) I caught a bus (fare was 25p!) After that I cycled. Would cycling be an option? It would bring their time down massively. Or otherwise what about adult-size scooters?

YANBU to keep them going under their own steam though. It is massively good for their physical and mental health to be so independent. Don't start driving them daily (driving them on heavy-load days is reasonable)

Mrsjayy · 11/06/2015 07:48

40 minutes is not a long walk for 2 fit and healthy teenagers its school they are going to not up Everest and once they get used to it they will do it quicker

FreudiansSlipper · 11/06/2015 07:51

Yanbu

I used to walk a 35-45 min (depending on how fast we wanted to walk) walk uphill to school. We didn't have a car though we could catch a bus for most if the journey we just didn't as we were do used to walking it didn't occur to us to do so.

I am surprised that most of his friends are collected from school as I know independent high schools around here actively encourage the children to walk and cycle and to be able able to get to school independently.

Agree it is not a surprise we are having a problem with obesity when so many think this is far too long a walk for two healthy children. No doubt some of my wright gain is down to less walking. Ds would walk for miles when he was little and never complain now he does but I make him he is fine once he we are on our way but has got so used to being driven about

FreudiansSlipper · 11/06/2015 07:52

*weight gain

googoodolly · 11/06/2015 08:01

I'm sure most teenagers can manage that kind of walk - WITHOUT being laden with books, PE kit, hockey sticks, instruments, whatever else, but it's SO bad for your back to carry all that stuff all day every day, without adding an 80 minute commute - I don't see any adults lugging that amount of stuff 40 minutes to/from work!

The walk in itself is reasonable, so long as they don't have to carry shitloads with them. I could do the walk no problem, but add in all that stuff and I would be in agony. You can't really spread the weight either when you have a backpack, PE kit, an instrument, possibly hockey stick, maybe home economics stuff, or whatever else. If you would be happy, as an adult, to lug that to work, carry it around between classes all day AND lug it back, in the rain, snow, wind, heat...then go ahead, but I wouldn't, so I wouldn't make my children do it either!

treaclesoda · 11/06/2015 08:05

I lived this distance from school, was at school in the 80s and 90s. No one I knew, including me, regularly walked as far as that to school, I'm actually really surprised to hear how many people do it.

But having said that, I'm in N Ireland and I lived in an area where my school uniform marked me out as being 'one of the other sort' so it's quite possible that my parents reluctance to have me walk was more to do with that than the distance. I've never really thought about it before.

NobodyLivesHere · 11/06/2015 08:05

My children all under 6 regularly walked a 40 min (for an adult, takes longer when you are 2!) Journey too and from school/nursery. We really do have a warped version of what is 'too much' these days. My grandad walked 3 miles a day to drop his brother to school, then another 2 to work in a pit and then reversed it at the end of the day at 15. He lived!

ilovesooty · 11/06/2015 08:07

OP I think your compromise sounds fair and reasonable.